Even though most of us have at least some insecurities, we have to do our best to not let them control us. If we lose that control, we can end up harming not only ourselves but also our loved ones—emotionally and mentally.
Unfortunately, some people let their insecurities spiral and lash out at their romantic partners. Internet users opened up about their ‘insecure men horror stories’ on r/AskWomen, and their tales show just how bad things can get when jealousy and fear run rampant.
When you’re done reading them all, dear Pandas, let us know in the comments if you’ve ever had to deal with a partner who was insecure to this extent. If you’ve got any tips on dealing with toxic relationships, be sure to share them, too.
Bored Panda reached out to dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, for a chat about the impact that insecurities have on relationships. "Deep-seated insecurities result in a person behaving in ways they don’t really want to, but can’t seem to stop themselves from doing. For example: Being overly jealous, clingy, and needy due to having an insecurity about being cheated on or dumped," he explained to us.
Dan said that, alternatively, insecurities can manifest in the person being emotionally distant and pushing their partner away. They might also be "afraid to truly fall in love, due to having an insecurity of being cheated on or dumped." He said: "Whether the person clings or pushes away, the result is the same; the relationship eventually ends in a breakup." Scroll down for the full interview about how to control these insecurities.
#1My former spouse didn't like me "reading books and getting ideas"
Image credits: tooterfish80
Dan, the founder of The Modern Man project, told Bored Panda that the healthiest relationships are the ones where both partners are "brave enough to fully love and trust the other person." Or, as he put it in a more visual way, "It’s basically like going ‘all in’ in a poker game, jumping in the deep end of a pool, or taking a leap of faith and not looking back." In short, it's giving your partner 100%.
The dating expert noted that the person might still get hurt if the relationship doesn't work out, however, he advises that it's still better to take the risk and love and trust fully. It's a better alternative than getting dumped or having a "miserable relationship" because the individual isn't able to love or trust their partner.
Bored Panda wanted to know whether a relationship where one partner is insecure can flourish or if it's doomed to fail. In Dan's opinion, there's no chance of it flourishing. "It will either last and be an unhappy relationship or end with a breakup or cheating and then a breakup at some point," he said.
#2I wasn’t allowed to talk to guys. Ever. Even at work. Even if they were my boss or a coworker. He even had his dad come over to my house, unbeknownst to me, to let me know how unladylike my behavior was... for talking to coworkers...at work...about work...
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#3My ex asked me my body count after talking to him online for 2 months. Mind you we didn’t even see each other in person yet since we lived in different countries. He heard the number and immediately got disappointed and said his dream wife wouldn’t have that many bodies. I was like okay go wank off to the idea of your virgin dream wife then.
Image credits: CrossSectionHoe
According to the dating expert, the keys to controlling one's insecurities are having confidence in oneself and not seeing other men as competition.
"A man needs to know how to attract a woman on purpose during interactions, rather than just fumbling his way through interactions with women. When a man knows how to attract a woman during an interaction, does it and sees that it works, he then feels more confident about his attractiveness to her and his ability to attract her in future interactions," he said. "Once a man knows how to attract a woman during interactions, he then needs to stop seeing other men as competition."
#4Oh my god where do I start? the most insecure, abusive man. To list a (very) small amt of incidents:
Not allowed to see family/friends because there could be “guys” there
Tried to go to my best friends birthday party, little did I know he went upstairs and called his ENTIRE psychotic family to come pull their cars in behind mine and block me there so I couldn’t leave?! Lasted for HOURS before he let me go and made me turn on location services so I could only go home and not to the party.
Bought new shampoo that was I guess very fragrant (I couldn’t smell it myself), told me I’m a wh**e and only did it to “show off for dudes”???
We both lived on the same long dead end rd. So anytime I went anywhere he would se my car. If we weren’t together he was constantly watching the window to make sure I didn’t go anywhere without him
When I finally left him, he tried to bust down my (my parents house) door to get in. It took me and my grandmother to keep the door from busting in and we had to call the police
4 years, 2 babies, and a fiancé later and he STILL tries to contact me via fake social media acts.
YES I know I should’ve gotten out. YES I know I should’ve contacted police sooner. I was young, only 17, and I was scared of him AND his family.
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#5I drew a picture of a flower on a bar napkin and gave it to my then-boyfriend, and he glared at me and said “when you do stuff like this it makes me feel so small”
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#6He would get mad if I didn’t text him back in literally 3 minutes. Also saying how I didn’t post him enough on my Instagram… like what?? I’m with you should that not be enough? Lol.
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Dan, the founder of The Modern Man, suggested that when a man starts worrying about another man being more attractive than he is in his partner's eyes, that is "the moment she feels more attracted to the other guy."
He explained: "This is because women naturally feel attracted to the more confident man. No matter who the other man is, you always need to know that you are attractive and no other guy compares to you. In reality, another guy might be more attractive than you, but that’s not the point. A woman wants to see that you believe in yourself and don’t feel inferior to other men."
#7Didn’t like that I made more money than him.
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#8Lived with some friends temporarily while I was at uni, and two guys lived there. We all got on very well and became fast friends. One night while one of them was telling an emotional story from his childhood, I reached over and held his hand.
What I didn’t know is the other guy had a crush on me, and in the middle of the night when I woke up to get some water, he cornered me in the kitchen, red in the face and trembling with rage and questioned me about my non existent “feelings” towards the other housemate and asked me “to think about what [I’d] done”. All because I held someone’s hand lol
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#9He dumped me because he believed I had slept with 2 more people than him (I hadn’t told him my real number in the first place, it’s no one else’s business, but it was actually a lot higher than 2 more). He stewed on it for 3 years before dumping me because he felt like less of a man - he’s the man so his number should have been higher. He asked me back out six months later because he had slept with 3 people, making his number higher than mine and making me acceptable to date again.
What he failed to realise is that I wasn’t celibate for that six months. His additional 3 didn’t even cover my original, true number, never mind cover the additional people I slept with in that six months. Idiot. A man asking me that question now is a huge red flag and I don’t entertain men like that. I back out immediately.
Image credits: SleepFlower80
During a previous in-depth interview, Bored Panda spoke about insecurities with British psychotherapist Silva Neves. He said that the goal is for people who are insecure (i.e. they have an ‘I’m not enough’ mentality) to become secure and confident (having an ‘I’m enough’ way of thinking). Self-compassion is a powerful tool in helping this shift happen.
"Insecurity carries the message: 'I'm not enough', 'I'm not good enough,' or even 'I'm worthless.' These are painful beliefs to have about ourselves but many do have those underlying beliefs," the mental health expert shared with us.
#10Dunno if it's just insecurity or sexism, probably a mix of both. My ex claimed he was deeply traumatized when he learned that his previous partner had a couple of one night stands before dating him, said he could never trust her again after she "confessed" to this.
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#11Threw a tantrum when I started pondering going to grad school because he couldn't be with a woman with more education. The amount of contempt I developed for him during that despicable display of insecurity cannot be described. But, we're the weak ones, umm k.
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#12I had a guy justify needing my phone password because he was cheated on. I broke up with him that day.
I have nothing hide but I have nothing to show you either. People who engage in this behaviour aren't people I can have in my life. I'm a therapist and that's the biggest red flag I see in client. Now there's exception obviously like if you share a. Disabled child or whatever. But this being the norm isn't healthy.
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"Insecurity can manifest either by making themselves invisible (If I'm not seen, nobody will notice my flaws), or the opposite, by what we call 'bragging': shouting at everybody about how wonderful they are. This is usually to try to persuade themselves that they are good enough,” the expert noted that different people have different ways of manifesting their insecurities. Unfortunately, some choose to lash out at others to feel better about themselves.
"Another way to counter the 'I'm not enough' is by pushing others down, sabotaging other people's success, or attacking people as a way to feel powerful so that they can control their inner pain of 'I'm not enough'. All of these strategies don't work because what they do is either internalize or externalize the belief 'I'm not enough' rather than changing it," he said.
#13My Ex hated when I spent time with my family. Threatened to divorce me the day of my fathers funeral because things were not going his way that day. He screamed it at me in front of our two young sons. Dude, I just lost my anchor in life and all you can think about is yourself.? Glad he's my Ex.
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#14I have a few ! Me and my ex were going to see my gay best friend for some drinks , as I was getting ready I put some red lipstick on and he angrily asked “are you wearing this for .. insert my friends name ! We were only dating for 2 months and as I was getting ready to break up with him after few toxic situations, we went to my friends bday party , I wore a skirt (kinda just to piss him off, he was really controlling and hated me wearing skirts) and after couple of hours of dancing around my friends place he stormed out saying that I am showing my pants to everyone and he is done with me ha! He was crazy!
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#15Matched on tinder. Went a few dates... I was out for dinner with my Dad (which I had actually TOLD him were my plans that evening). He blew up my phone when I didn't respond within an hour and accused me of being on a date with another guy, being a tinder slut and probably giving him a STI. I had to block him on multiple platforms... One of which he messaged me 'Don't ruin my life like my ex-girlfriend did.' It was intense!
Image credits: tune-in-freak-out
According to the psychotherapist, self-compassion paves the way to becoming more secure in who we are. Usually, insecurities are learned in childhood. Over time, they become deeply rooted in who we are. However, as we grow and mature, we also become more capable of changing these underlying beliefs.
"Perhaps parents didn't praise children enough, or they paid more attention to the mistakes rather than the successes. As an adult now, people can give themselves a hug once in a while and tell themselves, gently: 'you're doing good,' 'well done,' 'congratulations.' Eventually, the brain will listen and slowly change the message 'I'm not enough' to 'I'm enough,'" he said that, over time, we can all change and be more confident in who we are, as we are now.
"Rather than shouting your praise at other people, it is about speaking to yourself in a loving way. When people are genuinely aware of their successes, they can become genuinely more confident without the need to impose their power onto others."
#16Stalked me when I asked for space.
Believed, and told everyone we knew and posted online, that the only reason I'd want to break up with him is that I am paranoid and psychotic because of my child abuse, because he'd "done everything right" and "checked all the boxes."
Also asked a lot about my pansexuality and if I was "really just a stone [lesbian slur]" any time I didn't show enough interest in having sex multiple times a day.
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#17While at Walmart once a guy came up to me and asked for my number and I word for word said “I’m sorry I have a boyfriend!” And that was it the guy walked away. I go home to my now exes house and told him about the exchange because I thought it was funny and ended up getting screamed at for hours because I “apologized” and made it seem like i didn’t want a boyfriend and i was sorry for having a boyfriend. Made absolutely not sense. We did not last much longer.
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#18"But if you keep your last name, my friends will think I'm whipped," he whined, very masculinely.
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#19High school boyfriend who got mad that I spent time with my family dog. I adore dogs. Broke up with him. Next boyfriend sent me pictures of himself posing with his family dogs or just of his family dogs, obviously we were much more alike in that regard!
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#20My mom’s ex husband would get incredibly insecure about my deceased father. The fact that I had pictures of him up in my room would drive him crazy, and he would often accuse her of “not being over him” even though he had been dead for nearly two decades.
That then turned into him just being overly suspicious of her cheating. We eventually discovered that he had cameras in the house, and that he had been secretly filming us. He didn’t catch her doing anything (shocker), but he did manage to get some footage of me walking around my room naked. They ended up divorcing shortly after.
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#21Was in the process of divorcing my husband. He happened to be in the room when I got a phone call with a job offer. I told him the salary, which wasn't glamorous but was a good $12K-$17K more than he'd ever made within any year in the marriage, plus Cadillac benefits (none of his jobs had ever carried benefits).
What he should have said: "Congratulations!"
What he actually said: "Well I'm gonna be making TWICE THAT MUCH!"
His bad, commission-only job with no benefits definitely was not about to start paying twice as much as my new salary.
He came to divorce court bragging that he makes twice my salary. So the judge set his child support payments really high based on his fictitious self-proclaimed earnings.
Image credits: Ms_Rarity
#22My ex broke up with me because my shoes were too bright a color (they were neon orange sneakers) and they would attract too much attention from other men..
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#23Today is my late mothers birthday so this question is very timely.
I got married very young and my mother died of cancer shortly before our one year anniversary (I was 19 going on 20).
My now ex husband stated that I chose my mother over him since I spent so much time with her while she was dying. He also would get upset with me for grieving and crying in the year after she died.
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#24I had an ex who was pissed at me at a Bath & Body Works because I wanted to get a musky, cologne scented candle. His stance was that it was basically cheating because it ‘smelled like a man.’ And yes, he was serious.
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#25I got yelled at because me and my friends used "big words" (not English) at a party. He was drunk and worked himself into a rage fit over weird things and this was what surfaced. His lower level of education was never a problem for me, and I didn't know it was for him until then. So bizzare.
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#26I once gave a previous boyfriend some crackers and pepper jelly that I made as a snack, he had never had it before and thought I was delicious. Since he seemed to like it a lot, the next time I saw him I brought a jar of the jelly for him to take home....Well he did not like that, started yelling at me "Why would you give this to me??? I could make this by myself if I wanted to" got super angry and smashed it on the ground. It was such irrational behavior that I just wanted to laugh.
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#27My boyfriend gets irritated when I mention the doctor at my job because he is a young male and doesn’t like that I mention a guy in conversation that is “more successful” than him even if it’s just in passing. Even if I just say he bought everyone at the office lunch or something like that
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#28I wear men's cologne (girly smelling colognes tho). I just feel they work better and smell better than vanilla sunburst or whatever. He constantly would say "you smell like your other boyfriend" I didn't have another bf.
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#29My ex of over 2 decades married, told me to "get over it"...2 DAYS after [my parent] funeral. I was still on leave from work and needed a day in bed to cry. And he wanted a pat on the back for taking half a day off to drive me to the funeral.
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#30My ex and I met at a summer job, when he was in a transition because he was leaving a college he couldn't afford (I never shamed him for dropping, I was actually kind of jealous because I had a horrible time in college). He did not get a job and sat around gaming and eating all day. Needless to say, he gained weight. He always blamed his weight and unemployment on his environment and lack of family support to go places, so I moved him to be with me.
Instead of getting a job and getting active, he proceeded to break me down over several years, pushing me to eat more and dress in oversized clothes that hid my figure. I couldn't acknowledge that I made all the money or it was a fight, I would transfer what little money was left after bills to a joint account so he could swipe his own debit card when we went out. When a gym opened down the street, he got me to buy us memberships but I had to beg and drag him there, where I was not allowed to work out longer/harder than him.
The stress of the relationship ironically had me loosing weight towards the end, and this dude would stand us next to each other in the mirror and tell me how I needed to do exercises to get my ass bigger, and that my belly poked out. Meanwhile his gigantic gut was just hanging out. I didn't care that he had extra weight, I actually prefer guys who aren't super skinny. But in hindsight, he was convinced that anything that made me look good, made him look bad. But in the times when he actually had the means to change things, he never actually did it. So instead, he broke down my confidence until I felt like the smallest, ugliest person in the world.
I am so glad I left that relationship, I am now with someone who supports me and thinks I'm the greatest most attractive person ever. He works toward his own self-improvement, and celebrates all of my victories with me.
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#31My Ex got jealous when I asked him to tell a mutual male friend hello from me. Considering that the mutual friend was in a relationship and neither of us wanted to date each other, ever, at any point (which my ex knew), this was weird.
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#32I was dating a guy for about a month when this particular incident happened. We worked in similar-ish fields (paramedic and police officer) and that's how we met. It's also important to note that my paramedic partner was a man. We were set to go on a date one Friday but I cancelled due to a nasty migraine. My partner brought me medicine (being a long time paramedic he had a good idea of what would help) and shortly after he left I got a text from the guy asking why another man had come to my apartment. Apparently he had been sitting outside my apartment all day to make sure I didn't go anywhere or see anyone else. He had met my partner before so he knew what he looked like. And my partner was only over long enough to drop off some medicine and feed my dog. We didn't last long after that.
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#33The man who was insecure was a guy who stood at 5'6. He was taller than me and he was average to taller height for our people. But boy was he insecure. He didn't like it when I wore boots, he didn't like my best friend around him, she's a woman standing at 5'10 in flats. If I wore shoes that were anything more than flats he'd throw a fit, would make me walk home, make me take them off, say how ashamed and how he loss face because of me. Men like this who hold their height to this insane degree aren't worth it.
Then they blame us for leaving them because they were too "short" when their height was never the issue. Good for you for getting put of that situation!
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#34My ex, I was a freshman in college, got mad at me at a barbecue. He looked very angrily the whole time I was talking to people. I was later informed I was too friendly and grinning in mens faces. Literally screaming at me in the car he almost wrecked it.
I was the host, btw.
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#35Spent the night with someone else, then blamed it on me not being there at that moment. If I was there in person, he wouldn't have done anything supposedly.
When he broke up with me, I began dating someone else. He then said I cheated because we were not broken up, just on a "break" and that meant we were together still.
For months after that, he harassed me daily because we worked together. I moved to get away. Years later, I saw him at a store. He started chasing me, so I ran. He now works with my mom. She seems to not remember him, and he claims he doesn't know me when she showed him a picture of me. Good times.
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#36Not letting me post selfies because other men would get "turned on" by my face
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#37Reader's Digest had these monthly quizzes called It Pays To Increase Your Word Power. It was twenty words with 3 or 4 multiple choice options. I got 1 more word correct than my ex-fiance one month and 2 more correct than he on another month. Both times he berated me for beating him and gave these really dumb excuses for why I gotten a better score. One time he refused to speak to me for the rest of the night.
When I found myself deliberately getting one or two words wrong in order to preserve his fragile ego I realised that wasn't healthy for either of us and broke up.
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#38My ex decided it was time to leave me because I asked to see our (I say our, but I paid for most of it) truck's manual to figure out a stereo issue he had been putting off for over a year. He said as a man, that's his job and it was too much for him to handle for me to even ask.
(The issue in question only affected my side of the stereo, zero audio would play, I suspected a blown fuse. He didn't care because it didn't impact him).
We were together 11+ years at that point, and it was the best thing he ever did for me!
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#39I’m bi, and when I came out to my ex he told me I better not leave him for a girl/date a girl after him if we broke up or he wouldn’t be a man. Not really sure why I stayed with him for another two years after that. Or why his masculinity was so fragile that my sexuality could derail it. But that’s a him problem.
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#40So I had incredible pain in my right lung and went to the ER. Had to be hospitalized for a few days while they ran tests to sort out what was going on, my ex stayed with me the whole time, to his credit he even slept on the chair in my little ER room and wouldn’t leave my side. I appreciated it, until he started going nuts from stress and sleep deprivation.
So they took me to a room in the hospital after my initial waiting period in the ER, and he would cuddle me in my hospital bed, but the nurses had to come check on me routinely at all odd hours, and they’d kick him out of the bed to take my blood or check my vitals.
After a few days of this madness, I was assigned to a young doctor about our age and he came in to take some mucous samples and talk to me about what tests they were running. I’m sitting there discussing the different symptoms I’m experiencing in a hospital gown, no makeup, feeling ratchet AF Bc I was hooked to an IV and hadn’t had a proper shower in days, this guy is literally holding a cup of my snot. (Gross, I know)
After he leaves, my ex starts getting really jealous and says that this doctor wanted to make love with me, and that apparently by discussing my symptoms with a man holding a cup of my literal snot, I was flirting.
Initially I attributed this to our combined stress and sleep deprivation, but once they released me from the hospital, I realised how ridiculous he really was and he stuck to his guns right up until the end. It was so ludicrous.
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#41My first relationship was with a guy that felt the need to talk about the hot models and actresses he had had sex with before me.
I literally never asked and it wasn’t relevant to anything but he still showed me these girls Instagrams as if he wanted a medal for how much of a stud he was.
Anyway, the guy was terrible with money and always running to mommy and daddy for cash handouts, never gave me an orgasm, was a high school dropout, balding by 23 and already had a drinking problem.
I saw why none of these hot women were still with him.
Also upon further inspection half of the girls weren’t even following him back on social media. He just made himself look like an utter fool.
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#42When I got my career in the gaming industry, my male "friend" felt insecure enough to state I'd be 50 and alone because women with careers are statistically lonely and will end up regretting it cause he just know. He was an incel who convinced himself I was his one true waifu. He resorted to so many tactics to kill my self esteem. They also said I wasn't enough of a gamer to have a job at a gaming company.
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#43Dated a guy who would make fun of me for having rolls on my stomach (thanks) and then maybe 1-2 years after we broke up, we had talked to each other as he still owed me like $2000 that he made excuses for why he couldn't pay. He asked me what I do for a living and I proceed to tell him I got a job at a gaming company and he drops "you were just hired because you are a woman" to which I kindly told him to buzz off and that I was selected in the end out of like hundreds of people and it had nothing to do with my gender. Jealous and insecure men always find a way to invalidate your success.
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#44My bf (now fiancé) used to be jealous of my dog. My dog, Charlie, was my best friend since I was 7. I was 16 when I started dating my bf. He would ask me stupid things like: “who do you love more, me or Charlie?” Obviously Charlie. Don’t even ask. It was weird because I had another dog who happened to be a girl named Princess, but since I had bottle-fed her, she was more like my baby than my bff. He was never jealous of her. Apparently he wanted to be my best friend, not my dog. Lol he obviously got over it but it was pretty weird
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#45Dated a guy casually/non-exclusively for about three weeks. One day we were talking out front of my house and I noticed my canoe--lying on its side under some stairs--had gotten blown backwards and rainwater had collected. Not wanting to breed mosquitoes, I stepped over and pushed the canoe back to its proper lean.
He. Came. Unglued.
Stomped over yelling about how I should have asked him to do it, got up under the stairs (just why?) still yelling, then stood up, hitting his head pretty hard. Threw a big toddler tantrum. Was bizarre and frankly scary.
Clearly I'd insulted his manhood by doing something to my own canoe that literally took one hand to push over. Not even talking hefting a 50-pound bag of cement or something (which would have been okay, too).
I stayed calm in the moment. Bid him goodbye (he'd been about to leave, anyway). Broke it off via text that evening, which of course made him furious. Big bullet dodged.
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#46I was in nursing school at Georgia state, he thought I was going to the library to meet guys. One day he walked me to the public library in downtown Atlanta a few blocks from my dorm. It was awful. Everything old and outdated. Homeless people. GSU has an amazing, large library that STUDENTS PAY FOR. He wasn’t in school, no GED no nothing.
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#47One of my ex’s would make me TAG HIM on IG of pictures of me that he has taken. & when I told him that was dumb and unnecessary he got so upset with me. So I would do it, tag him on those pictures he has taken and I always felt weird doing it. Like ugh. Can’t believe I put up with that
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#48I once told my then boyfriend I preferred a different internship over working with mentally disabled people. Somehow he turned that into me thinking I was better than him(?!) I still don't get it
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#49He got angry because my wallpaper in my phone was my celebrity crush. He said this guy would not even notice or like me. Lol. He also said that I should not put other mens face on my phone because it’s disrespectful to him even if its a celebrity…
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#50He came home one day and saw me sitting in the living room with my roommate and one of his friends. We were all laughing having a good time. He turned around and walked out the door, then blew up on me about it later. Later in after I gained the sense to leave him, (for the 4th time) I kicked him out and he was still staying in the spare room for about 2 weeks before I had to start yelling and telling him to GTFO. His mom lived down the street and that’s where he lived before he stayed with me, so there was no reason for him to still be there. I think the only reason he actually left was because he was convinced that I cheated on him with the roommate.
Roommate and I are now engaged, so maybe there was justification behind his insecurity. But there was no sort of chemistry going on while we were together.
Image credits: WelchWoman
#51He was leaving for the Navy, and a week before asked me to date him. Tried to get me to have sex with him, and groped me many times. He leaves and then decides to send me pictures of him with another girl with absolutely no guilt. Rude.
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#52"I don't think you dress well enough to be my girlfriend, people are going to think something's off because, I'm a pretty boy, and people expect a certain standard from the girlfriend of a pretty boy."
We'd been dating for a year at that point, both attending a small college where everyone knew everyone and nobody cared.
And he wasn't a pretty boy, he was a wannabe.
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#53He had a bald head and an average sized penis. Both totally fine. He was CONSTANTLY talking about how In porn, men with “those big d***s” have fake d***s. We had talked about something to do with porn and I wanted to show him what I was talking about …so I sent him a clip and that was his response. The guys d**k wasn’t even that big, it was just bigger than his. And he would always take the opportunity to talk about men with hair/man buns. We went to dinner one night and our server was really cute (favored jason mamoa) with the long hair. . I never even pointed out the dudes looks, he did! Lmao He kept talking about how stupid his hair looked. But it always came off as jealous to me, why bring the looks of someone up all the time? And he talked about guys with big dicks a lot too. It was such a turn off.
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#54My ex always felt like he owned me. I was closed up in his tiny apartment every other weekend when we hung out and I got so depressed and totally changed, both physically and mentally. He begged me to stay every time I tried to leave him and every single time I started crying and took him back. Such a horrible experience. I’m not free and happier than ever.
Image credits: level 1 [deleted]
#55Ooooh I got one! He wouldn’t get a job, wouldn’t watch our child so that I could work, would tear up my resumes if I had planned on job hunting. But he would get absolutely furious if I asked anyone for money. He went off the rail when I said I was going to go hold a sign on the side of the street, saying that makes HIM look bad.
Image credits: Sad_Shirt6163
#56My last relationship ended because he admitted to going on my phone to look at my texts. Sadly this wasn’t the first time. He had already owned up to doing it multiple times before - he didn’t specify how many - but he promised me he wouldn’t do it again (we were trying to reconcile after months of fighting). I told him I would forgive him but if he did it again I’d break up with him. So, I did.
The worst part wasn’t even that he didn’t find anything incriminating (because there was nothing to find, of course) but that he apparently went so far back into my texts that he found old conversations between me and past partners including photos that had been shared. It was extremely invasive. He would even go into texts I had with my friends to see what I was telling them about him.
It was one of the biggest sticking points in our relationship. If someone did that to me again there would be no forgiveness, I am not playing that game anymore.
Image credits: lyarly
#57When I was 20 I was dating a man for about 4 or 5 months. We were going out to a halloween party with a bunch of his friends. He and I were roughly the same height. Not thinking about it I wore heels. I met him at the party and he told me I had to change my shoes. I didn't have other shoes with me and I was an hour from home since this was on his college campus. He wouldn't talk to me the entire night and when we got back to his place he screamed at me for an hour that I was an embarrassment. All because he was insecure about his height. I didn't care about his height. I dated two other men who were my height. The one stood on tippy toes the one time i saw him while wearing heels. The other never gave a shit about height and was confident. Guess which one I stayed friends with.
Image credits: CinematicHeart
#58One of my fav stories that I bring up routinely is from when I was a bartender. Had a 40 something year old gentleman and a lady come in and sit at the bar. He ordered a gin martini, and ordered for his companion as well. I made it, and served it to him. His face instantly dropped and he looked absolutely INSULTED. I confirmed that I got his order correct, and he assured me he ordered a martini. But he was furious I put it in a martini glass. I explained how it was a martini and it was literally designed for the drink he ordered. He demanded to get a “manly” glass. I made one in a rocks glass and he was fine…
I understand some people like stemless glasses or have issues with certain glassware and I have no problem accommodating, but I’ll never forget this man having a full on fit because his glass was emasculating him.
Image credits: aimee-se
#59My ex boyfriend!
Refusing to take care of his own child when I was around because that’s women’s work. Specially if any of his buddies were around.
Treating me like a maid when his friends were around.
Image credits: cleaning-meaning
#60I was at an arts and crafts show and wanted a giant decorative plank with Indiana Jones on it from Raiders of the Lost Ark. i thought it would look great in our playroom. My husband at the time immediately shut me down, and kept trying to point me toward other ones instead, with different nostalgic characters or scenes depicted on them. I calmly explained that I didn’t just need a heavy, trapdoor sized chunk of seven boards nailed together. I liked that one specifically because the Indiana Jones trilogy had always been one of my favorite things to watch, and my children liked it too.
After I walked around the fair for a couple of hours and was still thinking about it, I decided to buy it. He insisted on going to get it for me, since it was heavy, so I handed him the forty bucks.
He came back with a plank depicting the fucking Goonies. When I got unreasonably upset and tried to take it back to exchange it he berated me about having “a picture of another man on the wall of the kids’ room!!” (Harrison Ford in a fedora.)
He never backed down from that, and I ended up with a forty dollar decorative sign I resented and wished I’d never spent money on. That was years ago and I never even hung it up bc I get annoyed every time I see it (and I actually like The Goonies. It’s just the principle of the matter.)
Image credits: _Kit_Tyler_
#61When I broke up with my ex he spent months trying to get me back. Letters, flowers, a proposal, reaching out to my friends and family, to name just a few of his tactics. He was abusive and manipulative so it took me just as long to put my foot down and tell him to go away for good. When it was finally clear that I wasn’t going to come back to him, he flipped from “I love you you’re perfect I would do anything for you” to “I never loved you” in a heart beat. I was the first time he ever was told “no” and didn’t get his way so he was wildly insecure and tried to control the situation.
Image credits: petite-crevette
#62My ex hated when I was "trying to sound smart". He actually believed we only use 10% of our brains. I had to show him google results to convince him otherwise
Image credits: Purple__Unicorn
#63I was dating a very nice boy who seemed not to have an opinion on anything. When I tried talking to him about it, and about how I didn't even feel like I knew him even after a month of dates, he told me "tell me what you want and that's what I'll be."
Yikes. I hope he's gotten therapy since then, truly.
Image credits: chewedupshoes
#64Not letting me see any of my friends unless he was with me and he didn’t like them so it was always awkward.
He wouldn’t take me to see my mom ( I didn’t drive then) so I went 1 1/2 years without seeing her except for twice when I snuck to see her once I started to drive. I dated him from 20-25.
Image credits: Morganryann
#65I dated a guy for 6 years who was insecure about his package. He constantly accused me of cheating, said I was too loose and that meant I was cheating. He would stop mid-sex and ask me if he was enough or tell me he didn’t feel like he was enough. He always accused me of not being honest about how many men I slept with before him. Asked me to compare his size with my ex. It was a toxic mess. I couldn’t even go the grocery store without being accused of cheating.
Image credits: Etherealmushroom11
#66My ex didn't like that I spoke more languages than him. So he told me, if he's around, I am to NEVER speak a language he doesn't know
Image credits: nihilism_ornot
#67Wouldn't let me wear earrings to work because he thought I was trying to impress a male coworker. And mind you, there was no specific person. He just made him up in his mind, that if I all of a sudden want to wear earrings to work, it must mean I'm trying to have sex with some guy at my job. smh
(yes he was abusive and controlling but I'm free from that now)
Image credits: Alternative_Cheek_95
#68I was reaaaaally sick while dating this guy. In and out of hospital. I also started my own small dog walking business and was working every day to get it off the ground. He’d often berate me and tell me it was the easiest job in the world and could not fathom why I struggled so much with daily operations while he sat at home and smoked weed, listened to music, and drank.
When I was finally able to move out I decided to give up my business, find less demanding work, and focus on my health. He wanted to take over so I said sure! I’ll even help you with everything, all you have to do is walk the dogs. I’ll do everything else till you get settled.
I saw him at the dog park a week later and he looked exhausted. He said I quit, please call the clients and tell them I cannot do this. It’s horrible and my car is a wreck.
This dude shredded me on a daily basis and tore up my self esteem and couldn’t do my job for one week. I did it for a full year hardly any days off while sick!! And I thought I was the weak one in that relationship. Yikes!
Image credits: NocturnalNightmare0
#69I stopped hanging with an ex since it appeared he was using me for sexual purposes and was being a jerk. Anyways he messaged me one day and when I mentioned I was going out of town he got jealous accusing me of meeting another man (when in actuality I was going to the zoo with my family from abroad). The irony is he blamed me for him hooking up with other women because I stopped having sex with him.
Image credits: TheOddballThrowaway
#70When I was in uni I was dating this guy who’d already graduated and gotten a job. One reason for breaking up that he gave me was that it made him feel bad that when we’d both be WFH (me studying and him working) I’d get much more done than he did. Not entirely sure how that was supposed to be a serious enough character flaw on my part to warrant a dumping but hey.
Image credits: viitatiainen
#71A guy spent months trying to chat me up despite having a girlfriend. I ignored all advances and tried to not make it awkward until I had to say something. I was bordering on an ED at the time which he knew and when I finally told him I wasn’t interested, he told me to shut up he wouldn’t have wanted me anyway as I was 24 stone. Continued to stalk me afterwards. Waster.
Image credits: [deleted]
#72My ex idealized his mother and would constantly compare me to her because he was deeply insecure my life didn't revolve exclusively around him like his mom's revolved around being a wife and SHAM. The comparisons turned into arguments that I was "ruining" the relationship because I was in school, working, and had friends and hobbies.
Image credits: Sirventsalot
#73Oh boy do I have for this one-My friend posted me on her social media, and this was my fault because "I did not tell her to remove it, meaning I clearly want attention from other guys"
I am not the jealous type-he was. In an attempt to make me jealous he would flirt with other girls, he also had a girl post him on her social media as #mancrush to get a reaction from me,
He had his best friend text me to see if I "was loyal"
Criticized my clothes because "showing off my body" (I actually dress really modest so this came as a shock)
We discussed marriage and future plans he said that"he didn't see why I should go out with friends alone much less when married""shouldn't work because than other guys might come at you.....well maybe at an office where you're secluded and don't really have to interact with anyone"
Used "Only you can help me change my insecurities" one too many times
When I wanted to break up "If you break up with me than I'm going to become a terrible person" (he did)
Needless to say he was very toxic
Image credits: whateveritsmexx
#74I was going back to my home town for a “girls weekend” to celebrate two friends 30th birthdays. Not sure why, but he decided he was coming with me. He wasn’t invited, nor did he ask if he could come, he just booked a plane ticket and said he was coming.
I guess once we were around all my friends (male and female) he felt super insecure and proceeded to buy all the drinks all night. It got to the point where he looked ridiculous running to the bar every 15 minutes to buy someone a drink.
Eventually I got tired of his self deprecating humor and inability to have normal conversations with people our age. Obviously we broke up. Not so much of a horror story, just behavior I thought was strange at the time.
My now husband never behaved that way and neither did any other guys I dated.
Image credits: SmilingsMyFavorite80
#75I also had a long term boyfriend who threatened to jump out of window when I said that I want to break up with him , he was drunk and we were both young (21) I had to hold him while he was trying to jump out …
Image credits: hisiri93
#76He would constantly feel like he’s underperforming in bed and I’m wrong for wanting to have sex with him. Would start a fight after having a vulnerable moment because I saw him being vulnerable.
Image credits: Timeishere58
#77I finally slept with him after years of flirting. I’m short, he’s short, think like less than 5’3 for both of us. The first time we finally had actual sex, the first thing out of his mouth was “Am I too small?!?” Total buzz kill.
Image credits: Barngoddess70
#78This was just a guy I went on a date with, not someone I was with for any length of time. Still funny though!
So, I am 5’9”. I don’t think I’m hugely tall in the grand scheme of things, but I’m tall for a woman. I didn’t list my height on dating apps (or ask people for their height), but I included photos that I thought reasonably showed the amount of space I take up in this world. Anyway.
I had matched with a guy on Tinder and while I was pretty sure there wasn’t any attraction there, I was happy enough to meet for a coffee. I got there first, grabbed a table, and waited. The guy arrived, apologised for being late, and sat down. I noticed he was short and slight, but it didn’t bother me. We were at one of those places where you order at the counter inside, so he got up to order first and when he got back we swapped. When I stood up, I saw this look cross his face. Anyway, didn’t think much more about it, ordered my coffee and food, and came back. We chatted, there was 0% chemistry, and after we’d finished with our food it came time to end the date.
Now, I usually (pre-COVID, anyway) liked to end dates with a hug or at least a handshake. So we made our “end of date” chit chat, and I stood to leave. He stayed seated. It felt weird. I awkwardly shook his hand over the table, grabbed my bag, and walked away. It felt SO weird to leave someone behind like that, especially when he’d just told me he was heading home too.
On my way to my car, someone stopped and asked me for directions. When I turned around, there was my date, who froze in the process of slinking towards his car. He was clearly hoping to avoid any situation where he would have to stand near me and make our height difference apparent. I just waved as he gave a shifty smile and avoided eye contact.
Ah well. It’s hilarious now. The height difference genuinely wouldn’t have mattered much to me if we had chemistry, but we really didn’t. His insecurity around his height is what kept him in my memory though
Image credits: madlymusing