How To Keep the Spark Alive In Between Dates by Flirting Over Text

You could be the very definition of a smooth talker in person and never struggle to secure the first date, but how you act in between each date will set the tone for the next one. Women value consistency, so you need to be just as charming via text as you are in person. While we’d obviously rather you come across better in real life, days, even weeks often go by in between dates, and the memory of how great you were can easily fade away. 

Flirting over text is an effective way to keep your newfound chemistry and connection alive. When we think about flirting, most of us think it’s purely sexual, but it’s actually so much more than that. We don’t flirt with anyone who we aren’t sexually attracted to, but we can do it without referring to sex. Amber Kelleher-Andrews, relationship expert and CEO of Kelleher International, tells us how we can playfully build deeper connections between each date by flirting over text.

Everyone Loves a Compliment


When they’re genuine, of course. Women have a way of knowing when men are exaggerating (cool it with adding the inches already), so choose something you can live up to – if you say she looks stunning in red and she shows up to your next date wearing exactly that and you don’t notice, trust us when we say it won’t go unnoticed to her. Especially if it’s a brand new dress. 

But if you’ve already been on a few dates, dig a little deeper. “Show you appreciate her with small written compliments,” says Kelleher-Andrews. “A succinct compliment that is thoughtful and based on a genuine feeling goes a long way. For example: ‘I can’t stop thinking about your laugh, it makes me smile every time.’ When you evoke a feeling that she relates to, and at the same time bringing her back to a previous experience, it allows you to almost re-live the highlight of the date again.” 

You’ll be able to eliminate the barriers texting can put up and develop a stronger connection that she’ll be excited to explore in person, keeping her invested until the next date. But again, make sure you mean it. If she has a horrific cackle that makes you cringe, your face will give it away eventually – “sincerity is powerful even over text,” so use your powers wisely. 

Be Spontaneous


Spontaneity is something most women look for in a man, which is a quality you can still show off via text. Kelleher-Andrews recommends sending spontaneous invites such as, “I’m sitting down at lunch in a beautiful setting and I just realized that it would be much more meaningful if you were sitting by my side.” Then add, “If I hold off my order, would you come to join me?”

Setting the scene is very romantic and women love romance (and love to tell everyone about it even more). If you can present a visual in your text and then ask her to step into this romantic setting with you, you’ll definitely get the response you want. 

Send a Song


Not type out the lyrics to a song or sing one via a voice note (unless she digs your singing and you can find some way to make it charming), but a link to a song. “This might seem unusual at first but if you take the time to find a song that reminds you of a specific time shared with her, or even better if the lyrics speak to how she makes you feel, that’s romantic,” says Kelleher-Andrews. But be sure to send the link with a message to “listen to the lyrics” and tell her why she should, whether it’s because they describe how you feel about her or you shared a special memory whilst it was playing. 

Kelleher-Andrews explains that music speaks to your soul and you can use this as a powerful tool when it comes to sending a flirtatious text. It’s not conventional but as she won’t ever be expecting it, it’ll have a bigger impact than she’ll remember. “My advice, however, is to keep it clean and make sure it is a song that she too can relate to so that it is a personal song between you both which will invoke a very special feeling the minute she hits play,” she says. 

Tricks and Trade Secrets


Treat em’ mean to keep em’ keen doesn’t work past high school, it’s time to leave everything behind when you were captain of the football team. But it doesn’t mean you have to step away from playing games entirely. Sometimes a little gameplay is healthy when it comes to flirting, but only if you’re playing on the same team with the same end goal – no foul play. 

“A fun way to flirt is to be consistent with the time of day or night that you send a text,” says Kelleher-Andrews. “If you, for example, start your day with a good morning text and then after a few days, happen to skip a day, you will have her attention. It feels like a game to do this but sometimes you need an advantage.” We’re all creatures of habit and if you want her attention and are having to fight a few men off to get it, this is one trick that can work in your favor. 

Kelleher-Andrews gives another example whilst staying in the lines – if you start off with an evening text after your first date and say something like, “I had a great time,” send her a text at the same time the next night. Then consistently check in with her around the same time each night thereafter until your next date. After about five nights she’ll be anticipating your text, and skipping a night can set the stage for your next move. But don’t overdo it, any more than once and you risk losing her attention for good. 

Always Be Confident and Direct


“Confidence is key to any correspondence when it comes to dating and texting is no exception,” she says. “In fact, confidence in texting may be the most important piece of flirtatious advice that I can give you. No one wants questionable texts sent their way, and from a female perspective a text such as ‘did you have a good time?’ or ‘would you like to go out again?’ doesn’t get her juices flowing.” Be sure of what you want and go after it. Speaking on behalf of all women, there’s nothing more attractive than a man who knows what he wants. 

Kelleher-Andrews says to text “that was a great evening” or “I would like to see you again” instead. Bottom line, women like men who can be direct, genuine, and are able to execute and back up words with their actions. The moment she begins to wonder where she stands is the exact moment you begin to lose her attention. So tell her how you feel. Keep it short and to the point and then make a plan to see her again. 

Humor Makes Everything Better


“Humor is great and most men know that making a woman laugh is a talent that can go a long way when falling for someone,” says Kelleher-Andrews. If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything, so the saying goes. But we walk past proof of it every day.

Have you ever wondered how an average-looking bloke is able to land someone way out of his league that it’s an entirely different ball game? He’s probably hilarious. Funny men are instantly more desirable, and we can bet that to her, he looks a lot more like the man you’d expect her to be with. 

But making her laugh with a text isn’t easy. Flirting while texting needs to be clever and intelligent and not just silly. Clever humor is the ability to make her laugh without you in the room. You don’t have to make her hysterically cry with laughter, just getting her to put a laughing emoji and actually mean it will do the trick. 

Kelleher says you must add a personal touch that relates back to her or shares a vulnerability about yourself. For example, “If I cook you dinner, do you promise to pretend that you like it?” This shows you’re humble, romantic, and gets her to smile all at the same time.

7. Try To Match Her Energy


Everyone has a different rhythm when it comes to texting, and it’s impossible to know how she texts without doing it first. Go with your instincts and what feels natural to you. If you start texting her all day every day and it’s not sustainable, she’s going to think the reason why you stopped is a direct reflection on how you feel about her, which isn’t necessarily true. Start as you mean to go on.

“I always give the advice to send her a morning text,” she says. “This way, when she wakes up, she knows that you are thinking of her. When sending a text at any time of the day, you always want to match their energy and amount of words being used.” For example, if she sends you a quick hello text or “what are you doing?” don’t send her back a letter about your entire day.

The same goes with timing. If you send a text once a day and she responds two to three days later you may wish to slow down and match her pace until you both pick it up. You don’t want to seem overeager or too needy and keeping the mystery going is key. 

8. Be Creative


Texts don’t just have to be words anymore, so take advantage of it. When we’re dating someone new, one of the things we get curious about is their home. Our homes give a hell of a lot away about us whether we realize it or not. For fun, “make a video of your home and accidentally catch yourself in the mirror in your skinny’s. It works! Just don’t make it obvious,” says Kelleher.

A single friend of hers was showing her potential suitor a video of her master bedroom and she didn’t realize that she had caught herself in the mirror as she scanned the room, but he did. His response to her homemade video was “Forget about your lovely home, I stopped at the reflection in the mirror of you.” 

9. The Simple Things Matter When Texting


First and foremost, Kelleher-Andrews explains you should always treat her like she’s a priority when texting. How do you do this? “Take your time and choose your words carefully. Be sincere in what you send her and do not abbreviate. Don’t respond as ‘kk’ but instead spell out the whole word ‘okay.’ If you are sly with texting and quick in responses, her red flag is going to go up and she will question whether you are sincere,” she says. Women would rather wait hours for a well-thought-out text message than five minutes for a generic one you could’ve sent to anyone. 

10. Use Her Name When Texting


Use her name when texting to personalize the conversation. “Stating her name makes her feel special and will pique her interest,” she says. “It’s always nice to know that a text is exclusively for one person and not a group, or worse, a copy and paste text. It doesn’t really matter where in the text you mention her name, but I have always felt it is best at the beginning such as ‘Good morning Tara! Just starting my day and thinking of you.’ The most important part of texting is to remember to keep it personal and not to overshare.” You want to tell her enough to keep her interested, but not too much that she doesn’t have to meet up with you to find out more. 

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