Choosing the Right Relationship, Escaping Toxic Mindsets and Butter Coffee [Video]

May 17, 2021

Transcript provided by YouTube:

00:01

stevie boy

00:03

brother brother where are now i am in

00:06

l.a

00:08

we are 15 minutes late to this

00:12

we said we’d be live at 11 o’clock

00:15

pacific

00:16

time and we’re 15 minutes

00:19

after that so firstly sorry everyone

00:23

we this was not we were supposed to be

00:25

here a bit earlier

00:27

we hope we don’t want to you know keep

00:30

you waiting around we know that

00:31

um well hope hopefully steve people have

00:34

been eagerly waiting to come and join us

00:36

here but

00:36

you know they may not have been

00:40

matthew you’ve used the collective noun

00:42

we matthew told us two minutes ago

00:44

that he had told everyone we were going

00:45

to be live uh

00:47

at 11. so uh he’s dragged us all in

00:51

to his mess but here we are ready to

00:53

pick up the pieces

00:54

for old matty boy right well you’ve been

00:56

no better there steve because you did

00:58

now you’ve thrown me under the bus

01:00

so you’ve done no better than i did and

01:03

by the way i didn’t realize that

01:05

i’m pulling myself out from under the

01:06

bus that you threw me under

01:09

right yeah you didn’t you pulled

01:10

yourself out and then came back and

01:12

threw me under

01:13

back under it i don’t know what’s going

01:17

on with this bus but there’s a lot of

01:18

people under it

01:20

um uh well hello everyone

01:25

what it’s good to see everyone uh let’s

01:27

see who we’ve got in here

01:29

mariana how cool is this this is cool

01:31

steve why are we doing this

01:33

here’s the here’s the honest truth

01:36

about why we’re doing it don’t sugarcoat

01:38

it give them the full shebang

01:40

oh don’t worry i’ll give them the full

01:41

shabang and i want and steve i won’t

01:43

throw you under the bus

01:45

there’s here is what happened we had a

01:48

video

01:50

that was supposed to go out this weekend

01:53

we’ve been very excited about it

01:56

i in the middle of the night

02:00

on thursday night i even teased this

02:03

video steve i told everyone on

02:05

whatever the live was that i did on

02:07

thursday i was like get ready because

02:08

this weekend

02:10

we have a really special video coming

02:13

i teased it and then in the middle of

02:15

the night

02:16

like 3 a.m friday i had a

02:20

mini crisis where i was like i woke i

02:23

literally woke up and i was like

02:25

this there’s a change we need to make to

02:27

this video

02:28

it’s not quite like it cannot go out

02:31

this weekend

02:32

and you know steve people don’t realize

02:34

when you

02:35

when you make a youtube video it’s not

02:37

just like

02:38

you make it and throw it up that day at

02:41

least for us

02:42

like there’s a whole process that it has

02:45

to go through we need to get an

02:46

email ready to send to our mailing list

02:48

we need to like get put it through all

02:49

the steps

02:50

to make sure that it’s qa’d and there’s

02:53

a whole thing

02:54

that has to happen so friday was the

02:57

wrong day

02:59

to have this realization so i pulled it

03:02

but the team then went well then we have

03:03

nothing to go out this weekend

03:06

to which i replied then fine we’ll get

03:10

on live

03:10

we’ll just for the fir steve this is the

03:12

first time ever

03:15

we risked not having a weekend video a

03:18

new weekend video we’ve been doing it

03:19

for like eight years now

03:21

releasing a new video every week can i

03:23

just say it is actually unbelievable

03:25

when i process it

03:27

this is actually i can’t not a weekend

03:29

in about eight years

03:31

plus because you had another little

03:32

channel before but it came this one

03:35

like nearly 10 years you not missed a

03:37

saturday of doing a video a saturday or

03:39

sunday

03:40

which we don’t get enough credit for

03:42

steve no he’s not

03:44

yeah but that but

03:47

and it would have been we should here’s

03:49

what we should have done we should have

03:51

not replaced it with this youtube live

03:53

and we should have just

03:55

seen what happened if we didn’t put it

03:56

out like what

03:58

what happened sorry what do you think is

04:00

going to happen everyone’s going to go

04:01

oh this is this

04:02

is great this is different no video

04:05

no i just wanted to know if anyone even

04:07

noticed

04:09

like i said well maybe not like maybe

04:12

everyone we think everyone would notice

04:14

but maybe the reality is people

04:16

would just be get on with you know

04:17

they’d be like they wouldn’t even know

04:19

steve oh this is an interesting strategy

04:21

they they released

04:22

nothing this time the john cage of

04:26

youtube just

04:27

nothing that’s my statement um

04:30

brilliant just just a blank screen for

04:32

10 minutes

04:34

um you old sausage

04:37

well thanks for joining everyone on your

04:40

saturday

04:42

i’m sorry sarah says there’d be riots in

04:44

the streets uh bloody

04:46

i know it’s not popular to say right now

04:48

but i bloody hope so

04:51

um matt can i say it i know you’re sort

04:54

of sheepishly hiding it right now but it

04:55

does

04:56

does feel like you’re getting bulkier in

04:57

each of our calls lately

04:59

have you you’ve been lifting a lot

05:03

and that’s not that’s not a patsy

05:05

question you’ve set up for me i’m

05:06

genuinely curious

05:08

if only steve you were that controllable

05:13

i no i uh i’ve been doing a little bit

05:16

of lifting steve

05:17

yeah yeah i mean i’ve been i’ve been

05:20

going to the gym

05:22

and you know i mean i’ve always gone to

05:24

the gym but

05:25

you know i’ve i’ve been doing it with a

05:26

bit more zeal

05:28

recently i’ve also been got back to

05:30

boxing steve i’ve been

05:32

you obviously now i’ve been boxing for

05:33

over a decade and i hadn’t done it in a

05:35

while

05:36

covid didn’t help wasn’t it wasn’t a

05:38

great sport to do in the middle of covid

05:40

05:41

being uh face to face with someone

05:44

breathing all over each other

05:46

uh but i i have gotten back to that so

05:48

that’s that’s helped as well

05:49

anyway what does that mean you’re you’re

05:51

like training to like spa with people or

05:54

you just like going and

05:55

i have been sparring i’ve been sparring

05:58

um i’ve actually been sparring

06:00

a couple of times a week with lewis

06:02

howes who’s a big boy really

06:04

that’s the name

06:13

we work out we go and box a couple of

06:14

times a week and we’ll uh

06:16

duff each other up for an hour and lewis

06:18

is a a big

06:20

strapping man he’s like he’s broad

06:24

um quite an intimidating figure in the

06:26

ring yeah

06:27

and and also i asked this because this

06:30

is my thought on the boxing thing you

06:31

know i always enjoy coming with you

06:33

doing the training

06:34

having a bit of fun but my whole thing

06:36

is um

06:38

my brain is all i have matt and i do get

06:41

scared of getting

06:43

hit in the head and thinking i can’t

06:46

i’m not i’m not an instagram model matt

06:48

dare i say

06:49

i have you know i was like i agree with

06:52

yourself i put yourself down mate

06:54

no well i grew up some might claim that

06:56

you are

06:57

i grew up chubby i lost weight and

07:01

but i’m still not i’m not like some

07:03

instagram model my brain is what i have

07:05

you know i went to a fancy university i

07:08

write i study that’s that’s what i have

07:12

what university was that steve uh oh i

07:15

have a phd

07:16

matt from oxford as you well know uk

07:19

that’s a great university isn’t it one

07:20

of the best

07:21

well um it’s in frasier i’m not i’m not

07:25

bragging about my degrees

07:26

but i do um i i get scared of getting

07:29

hit in their head

07:30

does that does that no it’s fine my

07:31

humble my humble brag

07:33

is being friends with lewis howes yours

07:35

is i have a phd from oxford university

07:38

and i don’t i don’t want to get hit in

07:40

the noggin but dude does that does that

07:42

come to you like you don’t want to get

07:43

hit in the head too much when you spawn

07:45

things

07:46

by the way i think you’re a great

07:48

looking man steve and i think people

07:49

would be very surprised

07:50

to hear that uh you ever grew up

07:54

chubby and that you don’t that you that

07:57

you’re so

07:58

sort of self-deprecatingly derating

08:01

your uh the physical appeal of you

08:04

which i think is as strong as any other

08:06

part of you well

08:07

it’s not my money maker let’s just say

08:09

that uh but thank you

08:10

it’s very sweet um but hit in the head

08:14

i’m not no no no i used to in my 20s i

08:17

used to do

08:18

full head sparring but now i

08:21

we don’t because louis and i both

08:23

realize we’re um

08:26

you know we’re we’re at that age where

08:28

we we’re where we’re essentially

08:30

relatively young

08:32

but also where you start worrying that

08:35

you

08:35

you’re forgetting things and you

08:38

you’re like wait a minute why am i why

08:40

is my memory not why do i keep

08:42

forgetting that or what like you start

08:44

just thinking

08:45

i don’t want to lose more brain cells

08:47

than i need to

08:48

uh you don’t really think about that in

08:50

your 20s you just think oh this would be

08:52

fun and you it’s you’re an idiot

08:55

essentially

08:56

so yes uh that’s what i think i can’t

09:00

afford to lose

09:01

not not because i’m so smart but but

09:03

because a tip over into

09:05

being dumb if i lose too many brain

09:07

cells i’m just like just smart enough

09:09

i forget a lot steve i i’m you know i’m

09:12

quite insecure about my memory i forget

09:14

quite a lot

09:14

so i am trying to make sure that i don’t

09:17

do anything that could contribute to

09:19

me not remembering things you know like

09:22

someone said

09:23

do you know what i was watching last

09:24

night have you seen the q anon

09:25

documentary on

09:26

by the way i just want to prepare people

09:28

for just let me let me just prepare

09:29

people for a little bit

09:31

i speaking of losing brain cells has

09:33

anyone watched a q a non-documentary

09:36

this is really going to smarten you up

09:38

guys no i just want to prepare people

09:41

because

09:41

um we uh

09:45

when when we were talking about this we

09:47

were about to write in the description

09:49

let’s talk dating confidence blah blah

09:52

blah

09:53

and you know just general weekend

09:55

nonsense

09:56

and then i intentionally went back and

09:58

deleted all of the words there that

10:01

imply that it would definitely be

10:02

something useful

10:04

because i thought if we end up just

10:07

talking about weekend nonsense

10:09

i don’t want to pretend that we were

10:11

going to talk about

10:12

dating and answer a lot of questions so

10:16

you know if it feels like we’re drifting

10:18

a little bit

10:19

that’s because we haven’t promised

10:21

anything more in this session

10:23

um but time with us if we do get to some

10:26

dating and stuff like that and

10:27

confidence and whatever

10:29

that’d be a lovely little bonus we’ll

10:30

have done we’ll have

10:32

we’ll have done something extra

10:33

curricular on a saturday

10:35

um but i uh yeah so i was watching the q

10:38

a on documentary

10:39

steve and um

10:43

there was a moment where they were

10:45

talking about the capital riots

10:47

and they said there was a new they

10:49

replayed a news piece that said

10:51

well you know this is going to be a day

10:54

where

10:55

everyone will remember where they were

10:58

on this day when they heard this news

11:00

that the people have stormed the capital

11:03

and i immediately got insecure because i

11:04

thought

11:06

i have no idea where i was like i like

11:09

that this is how ridiculous insecurity

11:11

can be is i’m

11:12

sitting there on a friday night watching

11:15

a q a on documentary

11:18

eating cake by the way which is was a

11:21

nice little treat that i’d gave myself a

11:23

cheese cake a birthday cake you bought

11:25

for yourself

11:26

i it was a slice of birthday cake from

11:29

milk bar steve and

11:30

steve you know that cake

11:34

oh that that that is honestly one of the

11:36

best things in

11:37

the world the milk cake steve

11:44

i especially asked one for my birthday

11:47

yeah

11:47

you and you got it for me we brought you

11:50

one

11:51

from l.a to florida because we were in

11:53

the

11:54

on the retreat for your birthday we flew

11:56

you in a cake

11:57

i know i know i’ll never forget that i

11:59

mean it wasn’t when we say we flew you

12:01

in a cake it wasn’t like we got

12:02

a like a private plane for that cake

12:06

but it was put no doubt it was on a

12:09

plane to get to you

12:11

where was i you were talking about the

12:14

documentary you forgot where you were

12:17

ironically i said everyone’s going to

12:18

remember where they were the day of the

12:20

capital riots

12:20

i literally thought oh no i’ve lost my

12:23

memory is terrible i don’t remember

12:25

where i was

12:26

the day of the capital riots but you

12:29

know

12:30

do you remember where you were steve

12:33

that historic day i was probably

12:35

probably in my damn house like i’ve been

12:37

for a lot of the last few months

12:39

with covid in the uk we’ve been on full

12:42

lockdown so it’s really i was probably

12:44

at the park

12:45

running or in the house that’s what

12:47

happened yeah yeah

12:48

that’s right it could when someone says

12:51

everyone will remember where they were

12:52

this day

12:53

yes because everyone was at home

12:55

yeah i go oh yeah

12:57

i’ve been home for six months i remember

12:59

where i was every day for the last

13:00

year yeah oh my um

13:06

yeah well that’s good i’m glad you’re

13:07

keeping busy is that your favorite

13:09

lockdown watch

13:10

the conspiracy documentaries no i steve

13:13

ryan turner our good friend said to me

13:16

you have to watch the q a on documentary

13:18

because

13:18

by the end of it you’ll find out who it

13:20

is and you

13:21

won’t believe it and i thought that’s a

13:24

great setup

13:25

i didn’t even who q himself is yeah or

13:28

herself

13:29

yeah exactly and i didn’t i didn’t care

13:32

about the q and on thing it’s not like i

13:33

followed it closely at any point during

13:35

the whole thing but but um i i learned

13:39

about it by watching it

13:41

uh and it was it was interesting i mean

13:43

the internet is a weird place is really

13:45

the conclusion of

13:47

so much of that is that it’s just the tr

13:49

the depths of the internet i

13:51

still to this day i’m naive to yeah

13:54

the the problem of you saying it’s

13:56

interesting is people now think that

13:57

means that you think

13:58

the whole id the whole theory is

14:00

interesting

14:04

i just i’m continuously surprised how

14:08

naive i

14:09

am to the internet yeah

14:12

like i i don’t realize there are these

14:15

just

14:16

there are these homes on the internet

14:19

for

14:19

so much stuff that i don’t even know

14:22

goes on

14:24

i have to be told about the most basic

14:26

things going on online steve

14:27

i mean only last week when we went i

14:30

went with the boys to lake arrowhead

14:32

and um and ryan was telling me in the

14:36

car about the friday song

14:37

that he was like do you remember the

14:39

friday song and i was like i have no

14:41

idea what you’re talking about he said

14:42

what what are you saying you you must

14:45

you know the song though right you knew

14:46

14:47

i didn’t know it are you i don’t know

14:50

but this is

14:50

now this is now steve i’m getting that’s

14:52

mad this is what i’m talking about

14:54

because did i know it maybe i did and i

14:56

forgot i

14:57

but i don’t i don’t remember the

15:00

friday’s song if i did hear

15:01

it i don’t know where i was when did it

15:03

come out

15:05

oh i don’t know like 2011 or 12. i don’t

15:09

know

15:10

i don’t know where it was i don’t

15:11

remember it and

15:13

um we were playing we were playing it in

15:16

the car

15:16

yeah yeah for those who don’t know

15:19

rebecca black friday

15:21

uh maybe some people on this are too

15:23

young

15:24

this well matt it was like a viral

15:28

it was a mega viral sensation

15:33

steve i i see it’s worrying i don’t know

15:35

why i don’t know that

15:38

if any people listening are like 14 i

15:40

understand why they might not have known

15:43

but i mean what does that say about me

15:46

what does it say about me that i don’t

15:47

know about that

15:48

what what why don’t i know that if you

15:51

know that and jeremy knows it and

15:53

half the world knows it i think it says

15:55

you are

15:56

desperately out of touch uh you live in

15:59

your own

16:00

a delusional bubble where you don’t have

16:03

any contact no one allows you contact

16:05

with the outside world can i just stop

16:07

you there steve the

16:08

these don’t sound like good things are

16:10

you trying to compliment me or is this

16:12

16:15

you do not listen to anything you just

16:19

only hear what you want to hear and uh

16:22

sorry because it sounds like you’re not

16:25

saying nice things

16:28

sorry let me finish you have no finger

16:29

on the pulse of of what people are

16:31

looking at

16:32

no that that’s just stunning because it

16:34

was like a mega joke

16:36

it was people were like oh this is so

16:38

silly this stupid song

16:39

has got so many hits and it was like you

16:42

know

16:42

everything about it it was like a

16:44

perfect viral sensation right

16:46

i was at university at the time and

16:48

everyone talked about it that

16:50

the next day wow the next day

16:57

right well steve what are you making

17:01

plans this year

17:02

are you sort of like are you looking at

17:05

like how are you looking at your year in

17:06

terms of getting out are you

17:09

are you making plans to go and do some

17:11

fun stuff or are you just still

17:13

playing it month by month um

17:17

sarah young by the way says are you

17:18

taking questions

17:21

you can put a question in the comments

17:25

and and we’ll see what happens it’s

17:28

clearly stephen and i aren’t in the most

17:32

serious mood but put it in the comments

17:35

and

17:36

and maybe we will give it a try

17:40

sorry so you’re doing

17:43

you’re you’re getting away or you’re not

17:45

you know what i keep thinking about this

17:47

really there’s been a kind of pleasure

17:50

in not

17:50

making any plans there’s a lot that’s

17:54

very negative about this and i’m you

17:56

know the i’m sick of lockdown as

17:58

everyone else is as well

17:59

it’s it’s definitely been an ordeal at

18:02

times

18:02

um to say the least but the one

18:06

thing is it’s it’s been good to not have

18:09

it you don’t really have to think

18:11

that far ahead of making the plans

18:14

now that being said i do you know i have

18:16

a theory matt about happiness

18:18

that was told to me by our cousin danny

18:21

when i was

18:22

very young and i never forgot it and i

18:25

don’t know why because it wasn’t like

18:26

our cousin danny went around dispensing

18:28

life advice

18:29

right but once he told me one one of the

18:32

secrets to happiness is to always have

18:35

two things to look forward to and i said

18:37

why two and he said

18:39

the first one because you need something

18:41

on the horizon

18:43

and the second so that you don’t get

18:44

depressed when the first one

18:46

ends and he heard it i don’t know where

18:50

he got it from i’ve never seen it

18:51

anywhere else since

18:52

but but i always it never ever left me

18:56

two things is that just the the

18:59

antithesis of mindfulness

19:02

you could say that but there’s a lot

19:05

there’s a lot of studies that show that

19:06

positive anticipation

19:08

seeing a good future is a really

19:10

important thing

19:11

for happiness like you have to you have

19:13

to see that

19:14

things are going to get good and and

19:17

that drives you and it motivates you so

19:19

i’m not sure but so then i’m like well i

19:22

should think of some plans and

19:24

like one you know it might even just be

19:27

like i’ve got i’ve got a wedding in

19:29

october that’s a thing

19:30

it’s a while away but i’m gonna see all

19:33

my friends from school and stuff

19:36

that’s like super cool like i don’t see

19:37

those people enough you were talking on

19:39

that last live stream about tribe and

19:41

stuff

19:41

i don’t see those guys enough i’m really

19:44

looking forward to like having that day

19:46

it’s one day

19:47

right but right and i thought but i

19:49

don’t want to make any travel plans

19:51

so the thing i would usually do to look

19:53

forward to is travel plans but

19:55

i guess it’s more i’m trying to think of

19:57

it more in terms of like

19:59

like all of us we will reunion with our

20:02

cousins with you

20:04

and i’m looking forward to getting us

20:06

all put together in a room wherever that

20:08

is it might be in america

20:10

i’ll come to you i’m looking forward to

20:11

going back to new york which i love or

20:13

20:14

i love being with you in la and i’m just

20:16

like i know that’s coming

20:18

so i’m sort of making a bookmark in my

20:20

head like i’m going to go see matt in la

20:22

or you’re going to be here and we’re all

20:24

going to do something and i know that’s

20:25

going to happen later this year

20:27

if if that was me and i was looking

20:30

forward to all of my friends

20:31

seeing all of my friends in october i

20:33

would think to myself i just wish it

20:35

wasn’t at a wedding

20:39

you’re not me and you are not great

20:41

we’re not great lovers

20:43

of weddings for two people who talk

20:45

about dating and relationships a lot

20:48

steve i don’t like i i i i there’s

20:51

nothing

20:52

there’s nothing i dread more than a

20:53

wedding invite okay you’ve just said it

20:56

but

20:57

i what do you dread the party i’m not

21:00

talking about

21:02

you know steve we get plenty of wedding

21:04

invites from

21:05

our audience who have met someone as a

21:07

result of our work but i’m not even

21:09

talking about those ones

21:11

i i dread a wedding invite from like

21:15

a friend no there’s nothing i dread more

21:18

than a wedding invite from a sort of

21:20

like someone who’s somewhere between a

21:24

friend and an acquaintance

21:27

because that like a wedding to me if you

21:31

can go and you’re just surrounded by

21:33

people you love

21:34

that is a good time and especially if

21:35

you care about the people that are

21:37

getting married

21:38

but other than that i can’t do it steve

21:41

it’s like i feel like you know i feel

21:44

like how the queen must feel

21:48

oh yeah

21:52

what when she gets well the queen’s life

21:56

is is like going to events where she has

21:59

to watch

22:00

things that she’s not connected to

22:02

doesn’t

22:03

listen to speeches she does not care

22:06

about

22:07

and sit there cordially and get through

22:10

that

22:11

event i mean that’s the thing that

22:12

people don’t realize about when people

22:14

glorify the royal family

22:16

like it is i wouldn’t trade i wouldn’t

22:19

trade for that

22:20

it is you are it’s event after event

22:24

where you have to stand there just to be

22:27

there

22:28

because you’re a royal i sit through

22:31

endless chapel services do you remember

22:34

those at school

22:35

when you’d have to sit through a chapel

22:37

service that

22:39

felt like you were gonna die stephen

22:42

and they felt like they were three hours

22:45

long and they couldn’t have been

22:46

as a teenager that was like how i

22:49

imagined

22:50

jail to be was chapel

22:54

and i’m not having a go i know it’s

22:57

important to some people but

22:58

at school that was my memory of it was i

23:01

can’t believe we have to go and sit

23:03

through this now and i

23:07

i’m not comparing a wedding to jail

23:09

steve

23:12

no i’m just saying that

23:15

there’s a how the queen feels

23:18

sitting through events like that

23:22

that’s sort of what i dread about

23:23

weddings

23:25

i i do know what you mean and i i’m

23:27

gonna pick you up on what you said

23:28

earlier though

23:29

is it does depend who it is

23:32

if it’s the right there’s like a group

23:34

of 10 to 15 people where you’re like

23:36

those are weddings you would actually

23:38

enjoy and all the others

23:40

feel like an obligation like there’s a

23:43

bunch of close people where you’re like

23:44

oh i’ll know loads of people there and

23:46

it’ll be fun because i’m really close to

23:48

that person

23:49

and like i’ll actually enjoy seeing the

23:51

people there still it’s a bit long

23:54

it’s a bit long it’s a long old it’s a

23:57

long old commitment

23:58

but at least well the marriage is a long

24:00

old commitment so i suppose it’s sort of

24:02

foreshadowing so coming

24:05

so you all have to come and do your own

24:07

part yeah this is symbolic

24:09

of what we’re getting into this we’re

24:11

going to make this day as symbolic as

24:13

possible

24:14

of the long old commitment that we’re

24:16

embracing here

24:19

um anyway i’m glad you’re seeing your

24:22

friends in october steve

24:24

yeah what do you think it’s going to be

24:27

like when people get back

24:28

to dating again i you know i keep

24:31

getting so many people

24:32

complain about the fact they can’t right

24:35

now

24:36

and yet it’s like when people can date

24:39

they complain about all the things that

24:42

dating requires

24:43

i feel like i feel like people now

24:47

act like i would always be out on loads

24:49

of dates now if only i could

24:51

yeah but it’s like i don’t know

24:54

i’m skeptical of these people who are

24:56

all complaining they can’t be on dates

24:58

well it’s just an easy thing to say

25:00

isn’t it like oh i’d be meeting so many

25:03

people if i was able to go out right now

25:05

and most people aren’t taking advantage

25:08

even when they

25:09

can and that that’s just a lesson for

25:12

life i think

25:13

that we are

25:16

we’re eager to play with the toy that’s

25:18

just been taken away from us

25:21

but when it’s right in front of us we we

25:23

don’t we often don’t think about it

25:26

um so yeah it’s worth sometimes thinking

25:29

what would i

25:30

what would i want to do if suddenly i

25:32

didn’t have the chance to do it that’s a

25:34

good way of looking at things i think

25:36

without needing a pandemic to teach us

25:39

the lesson because by the way the

25:41

pandemic people i do think

25:43

i do think there’s a there is some kind

25:45

of psychological that

25:47

this whole year will have had an effect

25:49

on our psyches for

25:50

sure but i think it’s

25:54

people also underestimate the

25:57

speed with which they will return to

25:59

their sort of level

26:01

whatever that is whatever their level of

26:04

doing things going out experiencing the

26:06

world

26:07

whatever whatever their level is i think

26:09

most people will

26:10

return to but you look life is about

26:14

like it’s

26:17

i’m see i’m you know me steve i i’m too

26:20

extreme

26:22

i if i think i want to get in shape i go

26:25

mental like i i suddenly will book out

26:29

seven sessions of training in a week and

26:32

do this do that

26:33

like i’m i’m a bit extreme and the

26:35

problem with extremes

26:37

is that you you tend to do the pendulum

26:40

thing you know you you fly from one end

26:42

of the spectrum to another

26:45

and i have to remind myself like if i

26:49

tell myself oh i’ve been stuck in for a

26:51

while

26:53

and then even on a micro level if i

26:56

think there’s a

26:56

you know i’ve been stuck in for a while

26:58

and then i go oh i want to plan then the

27:00

next few days

27:01

a lot of activity suddenly like i’ll ram

27:04

out four days of like

27:06

let me go to dinner here and go out here

27:08

and invite this person here before i

27:09

know it i’ve shot off

27:11

15 messages to people

27:14

and an hour later i’m like

27:17

everyone like people have said yes and

27:20

i’ve arranged a brunch

27:22

and i’ve got a thing to do on saturday

27:24

night what and then i’ll

27:26

what have i done what have i

27:29

done so i try and remind myself because

27:33

i’m insane

27:34

i try and remind myself all right matt

27:36

you want you feel a bit cooped

27:38

up you’re a bit you’ve got a bit of

27:40

cabin fever

27:42

lesser range a brunch

27:45

let’s just start there because chances

27:47

are by the end of this brunch

27:50

you won’t want to see anyone again for

27:52

five days

27:54

but it’s so true if you you know how

27:57

they say don’t shop hungry

27:59

right don’t go food don’t go to the

28:01

grocery store and do your grocery

28:02

shopping hungry

28:04

be careful okay don’t text lonely is

28:07

that your

28:07

one don’t be careful texting lonely be

28:10

careful of booking out your social

28:12

calendar when you have cabin fever you

28:16

know

28:16

like just be wary because like slip you

28:19

want to do something

28:20

slip all right put something in the

28:21

diary see how you feel at the end of it

28:25

be careful of the the the that because i

28:28

i do i go to such extreme

28:30

levels that i immediately just think

28:33

i’ve just booked i i’ve now got i’ve now

28:36

got to cancel

28:37

six different things that i don’t want

28:41

to do and i’m going to annoy everybody

28:43

imagine getting a text from me saying

28:45

all right mate

28:46

oh do you want to get out this weekend

28:48

you want to do something on saturday and

28:49

they’re

28:49

they’re just going about their business

28:51

steve they’re happy

28:53

and they get a text from me going trying

28:54

to do something on saturday and i’m all

28:56

revved up and then they go yeah yeah

28:57

that sounds great matt wow it’s going to

28:59

be so great to see you and then just

29:00

a day later i go you know i said i

29:03

wanted to do that thing on saturday

29:05

i really don’t

29:13

the honesty of that would be fantastic

29:15

but also

29:16

possibly friendship ruining it yeah

29:20

i try to be more honest with people

29:21

these days about not wanting to do

29:23

things

29:24

when people text me i don’t say i do you

29:26

know like that classic thing of i’m

29:28

i’ve got a lot on this weekend or

29:30

whatever i don’t do that

29:31

i i tried to just say to people

29:34

i don’t think i’m gonna feel like doing

29:36

anything

29:38

i don’t they’ll say to me do you want to

29:40

do something on saturday and i’ll be

29:41

to be honest mate i’m actually looking

29:43

forward to a day on my own on saturday

29:46

but let’s let’s try and arrange

29:48

something for another week

29:49

like i’ll be honest about it because i

29:51

just don’t

29:52

i can’t stand i can’t stand the

29:55

of like

29:56

ah mate i’ve got a lot on on saturday

29:58

i’m doing this and i’m doing that but

30:00

yeah well

30:00

it’s like just tell the just tell them

30:02

just tell them you don’t feel like doing

30:05

anything that’s fine

30:06

yeah i find it’s a weird one i sometimes

30:09

set aside

30:10

near days because i want to read and

30:13

catch up on loads of reading

30:15

but people don’t like being beaten by

30:18

reading

30:18

for a for plans like sorry i

30:22

i i really want to i’ve got a lot of

30:24

reading to do people think like

30:26

what why what you gonna read a report

30:27

for work no just these books i’ve really

30:30

want to get around to

30:31

it’s like people don’t want to be beaten

30:34

in a way they shouldn’t be offended

30:38

like if you’re being dropped for your

30:40

mate dave

30:41

if it was if you went um seeing dave

30:44

instead they could be offended because

30:45

they’re like

30:46

dave dave

30:49

i’m being dropped for but if it’s like

30:52

you’re being dropped for shakespeare or

30:56

seneca or you know these are

31:00

that’s tough company to beat yeah but

31:02

shakespeare hasn’t got feelings

31:04

it’s them who’s gonna get hurt yeah but

31:07

he’s still more interesting than most

31:09

people

31:12

that’s one of my this is a strange segue

31:15

but i wrote a piece yesterday and

31:18

it was about i posted it on our facebook

31:21

on our blog how to get the guide dot com

31:23

and it was called relationships what you

31:26

want

31:27

versus what you pay for it and

31:30

it was a point where i was talking and

31:32

this relates to me and being

31:34

like introverted and like i like my time

31:36

to myself i like reading and stuff

31:39

but like you everyone thinks they know

31:42

the kind of thing they want in a person

31:45

or in a relationship

31:46

they might think i want to be with like

31:47

an artist a sexy

31:49

passionate artist i want to be an

31:50

entrepreneur i want to be with a

31:52

model i want to be of someone who’s

31:54

really extroverted and a

31:56

part and adventure lover and my

31:59

my point in this article is you have to

32:01

know what the price

32:03

of whatever it is you want uh you have

32:06

to know what the price actually is and

32:07

maybe it’s like

32:09

entrepreneurs tend to be really really

32:12

really driven

32:13

sometimes hard to get on evenings and

32:14

weekends uh

32:16

quite fixated some artists can live with

32:20

financial insecurity or they can just be

32:22

obsessive and want loads and loads of

32:24

time be greedy with their time

32:26

uh the extrovert adventure lover can be

32:29

exhausting

32:30

and they never stop and they’ll never

32:32

stop and take

32:33

any five minutes to sit down with you

32:36

have a cup of tea

32:37

um and you know that i’m relating that

32:40

back to me i’m saying like

32:42

if i you know if i’m in a relationship

32:45

one thing i have to communicate is that

32:48

32:49

i need i’m quite greedy with like i need

32:53

time lots of things i do are learning

32:56

writing

32:58

i have to have a lot of time to be able

33:00

to do those

33:01

and it doesn’t make me super sociable i

33:03

can sit

33:04

and read together and do those things

33:06

but i can’t

33:07

divide and i i have to i used to be so

33:10

bad at communicating that and so

33:12

almost uh because i was trying to please

33:15

the other person or not trying to make

33:17

waves

33:17

i would make excuses that something else

33:20

whereas the truth is like this is just

33:22

really important to me and i need to

33:24

do it and yeah i guess

33:27

that would be my price um i think people

33:29

under people definitely underestimate

33:31

the value of just being able to do

33:33

things

33:33

in each other’s company like they they

33:37

you know if you can be together

33:40

whilst also serving your separate goals

33:45

that’s a really lovely thing like that i

33:47

think is that

33:48

can make a relationship if you can be in

33:51

the same room

33:52

achieving your separate goals but

33:53

together in company

33:55

i think that’s a really beautiful thing

33:57

and of course that’s not the same

33:59

as quality bonding

34:02

well it can be bonding time but it’s not

34:04

the same as like getting to know

34:06

each other better time that’s a specific

34:08

form of spending time together in

34:10

conversation

34:11

but i do think that there’s there’s

34:13

spending time together in conversation

34:15

which is really important and if you

34:17

always

34:17

are in company but never in conversation

34:20

that’s a lopsided relationship

34:22

but if you’re always in conversation

34:27

and you can never be in company without

34:29

being in conversation

34:31

that’s also a well perhaps

34:35

you could say that’s an exhausting

34:37

relationship

34:38

and it’s one that has you wondering when

34:41

they’re going to go home

34:42

or when you can get away so that you can

34:45

get back to your life

34:47

and i actually think people don’t people

34:48

underestimate that as a cause of

34:51

ending like situations that never

34:53

progress to where they could be

34:56

is that they they’ve created a situation

34:59

where someone

35:00

says i have to go home so that i can

35:04

continue living my life

35:05

i have to get you out of my space so

35:08

that i can continue

35:09

living my life and if someone doesn’t

35:11

need to say that if someone can say

35:14

i can continue living my life with you

35:16

here

35:17

that’s the beginning of i think

35:20

an enduring relationship in one sense

35:24

yeah it’s bad it’s trying to do that

35:25

without the other person feeling

35:27

neglected or like you’re not interested

35:31

35:32

being with them but it takes two secure

35:34

people

35:37

yeah yeah that’s right

35:40

i i think people struggle with that

35:42

though whether they want to be with the

35:44

same

35:44

someone who’s the same as them or

35:45

someone who is

35:48

you know opposites attract but i think

35:50

it’s really self-knowledge

35:52

it’s just self-knowledge of knowing you

35:54

know

35:55

you could be the laid-back one and be

35:57

with the super driven crazy obsessive

35:59

one

36:00

as long as you are cool that

36:03

you you’re gonna be doing loads of

36:05

things yourself and you’re cool that

36:07

they’re

36:07

out there having to be like obsessive

36:10

and driven that

36:11

that can work it’s just that you’ve got

36:14

to make peace with

36:15

that’s the choice right yeah you pay the

36:17

money you take the ride

36:19

i yeah man being with someone who’s

36:22

obsessively driven

36:23

is hard that’s hard i’m wondering in the

36:27

comments like have you been with someone

36:29

that

36:30

is obsessively driven to the point where

36:33

you just felt really

36:34

neglected and you didn’t feel like you

36:36

could have the kind of

36:37

like we neediness is often put down

36:40

steve as a kind of

36:41

you know oh i don’t you’d never want to

36:43

be with a needy person but

36:45

at a certain point you just have needs

36:48

right

36:49

and you have to admit when you’re in a

36:51

relationship where those

36:52

needs aren’t being met where you’re just

36:54

like i can’t

36:56

i’m not needy but i i am not i am a

36:59

plant that’s not being watered enough

37:01

here in this relationship i’m needed to

37:04

the extent that a plant needs water

37:06

and this relationship doesn’t offer

37:09

nearly enough

37:10

water uh i’m curious as to

37:13

who uh who’s been in that situation with

37:16

someone who you thought

37:17

have you been in a situation with

37:18

someone where you were initially

37:20

you thought i’m really attracted to how

37:22

driven

37:24

this person is but then that drive was

37:27

the thing that ended up

37:28

breaking you up who’s been in that

37:34

situation

37:36

lin says you can be needy because your

37:38

needs are not being met

37:39

yes exactly that’s a good point lynn

37:42

that is a good point

37:43

that’s what i think is interesting about

37:44

the

37:46

as a kind of extension of the attached

37:49

concept i know a lot of people always

37:51

reference that book

37:52

attached with the different attachment

37:55

styles

37:56

the insecu the anxious attachment styles

37:58

secure

37:59

and um avoidant

38:02

and uh what one of the more interesting

38:07

corollaries of that idea

38:11

is that your attachment style

38:14

can actually shift but this is why i

38:17

think it’s dangerous sometimes to try

38:18

and define your attachment style

38:21

too rigidly or as this constant because

38:24

you can be with someone

38:25

who actually makes you appear much more

38:27

needy

38:28

and all of a sudden your attachment

38:30

style starts to look like the anxious

38:32

attachment style but it’s because

38:34

you’re with someone where the

38:36

relationship really

38:38

does not naturally and organically meet

38:41

your needs

38:42

it’s someone who constantly makes you

38:44

feel like you’re an underwatered

38:46

flower and you you’re constantly craving

38:49

that because you don’t have it and so

38:51

now you come across as needy

38:53

high maintenance anxious but in another

38:56

relationship you might actually seem

38:58

like none of those things

39:04

yeah that’s why i’m i’m cautious about

39:06

people

39:08

taking that role as their like a

39:10

lifelong

39:11

role i i think i’ve definitely i’ve

39:14

definitely played different roles in

39:16

relationships

39:17

over time and that

39:20

that is if you’ve been with someone who

39:22

makes you feel insecure you know what

39:23

that’s like

39:24

sometimes it’s like oh my god this

39:26

person is demanding so much of me that i

39:28

desperately feel trapped and i want to

39:30

pull away now

39:32

and i’m desperate for my freedom and

39:34

time and space

39:35

and um so i think it can be behavioral

39:39

what’s your view steve on the whole

39:42

getting attracted to something in the

39:44

beginning that then

39:45

you know i think someone someone in the

39:47

comments just put esther perel also

39:49

talks about this idea of

39:51

the thing that attracts you that causes

39:53

conflict down the line

39:56

what’s your what’s your view on that

39:58

because there’s

39:59

there are the things that you ignore in

40:01

the beginning that are

40:02

red flags that cause conflict down the

40:04

line but what about the things that

40:06

you’re attracted to

40:08

that caused conflict down the line

40:12

well is she saying it’s a it’s a problem

40:14

or something you have to watch out for i

40:15

don’t know what has to be

40:16

someone’s quoting esther in the comments

40:18

i don’t know what esther’s

40:20

particular take on that is or whether

40:22

it’s just an observation that you know

40:24

the irony of the fact that the thing

40:26

that attracts us in the beginning is the

40:27

thing that can

40:28

actually create an awful lot of conflict

40:30

down the line uh

40:32

but but what’s your what’s your view on

40:34

that

40:36

um yeah i you know i i

40:39

can see times where i’ve definitely done

40:42

that like sometimes i like

40:45

you know i’ve chosen people who have

40:47

been like strong-willed and very

40:49

independent

40:50

and i’m attracted to that and it can

40:53

also

40:53

come with us being both really

40:57

driven and wanting our own things and

41:00

sometimes we’re both being a bit selfish

41:03

and like i want to do like this this way

41:05

well i won’t do this and even though

41:07

there’s a lot of attraction and

41:08

chemistry there

41:09

it’s it’s like ah we both you know it’s

41:12

like we like the fact we’re both

41:14

kind of strongly on our purpose

41:17

but that’s hard because you’re both

41:20

difficult to

41:21

the other one won’t be like hey i want

41:23

to fold into your life and

41:25

do it you know do your thing that’s

41:28

definitely happened

41:29

um yeah i i i think we spend a

41:34

lot of time focusing on what we’re

41:37

attracted to which is

41:38

natural and we’re kind of never going to

41:41

get rid of that

41:42

so it’s pointless to tell people not to

41:44

focus on that

41:45

because that’s what they’re going to

41:46

focus on but i think that

41:48

something everyone could benefit from

41:52

proactively putting more focus on is

41:56

not just what am i attracted to but

41:59

are my needs getting met within this

42:01

situation and can they be met within

42:03

this situation

42:05

you know you could be attracted to

42:07

someone who’s crazy driven

42:09

and has built something amazing but

42:12

if all the early signs point to them

42:14

having no time for you or

42:16

them not giving you the affection

42:19

or the the time that you want then

42:23

you may be attracted but that’s not the

42:25

same as being happy or your needs being

42:28

met in the situation

42:32

yeah yeah i i agree

42:37

lots of well we’ve prompted some longer

42:39

comments

42:40

with this little discussion

42:45

simon says we are what we are attracted

42:47

to to to

42:48

sometimes it’s what we haven’t owned yet

42:50

in ourselves

42:52

i’m not sure how to decipher that if

42:53

that means something we don’t have

42:55

or something we haven’t dealt with and

42:58

well

42:59

that no i think the point well i think

43:02

the point that’s being made there is

43:03

that

43:04

we get attracted to i heard tony robbins

43:07

say once

43:08

and i thought this was quite good he

43:10

said

43:11

we get attracted to people who are like

43:13

us or like how we want to be

43:18

and i thought that was quite

43:21

quite true you know we we get attracted

43:24

to someone because they have qualities

43:26

that we already have and we’re like oh

43:27

they’re

43:28

they’re like me it’s one of us or you

43:30

see someone who has a charisma that

43:32

you’d like to have

43:34

you know or a boldness that you’d like

43:37

to have

43:38

or a playfulness that you’d like to have

43:41

and so we’re that’s magnetizing you know

43:44

we want to be closer to those things

43:46

that we ourselves want to represent

43:48

and i think what she’s saying is if you

43:49

haven’t owned it in yourself but you do

43:52

appreciate that quality when you see it

43:54

in somebody else

43:56

it’s very attractive

44:00

yeah i’ve i’ve often been attracted to

44:03

very

44:04

uh expressive warm people

44:07

uh i’m not saying i’m not warm inside

44:10

but i don’t initially come across that

44:12

way i can be quite rational and

44:13

pragmatic

44:14

and i think i can often be attracted to

44:17

people who have like

44:18

much more in touch with their like

44:21

immediate visceral emotional side um

44:25

yeah what are you i’m curious in the

44:28

comments what are you

44:30

struggling with today you know like

44:32

what’s on your mind

44:34

good or bad actually you know like it’s

44:37

it’s saturday

44:39

what are you feeling on this on this

44:41

saturday

44:43

what how are you doing like how are you

44:45

actually

44:47

doing i’m curious about that

44:59

it’s quite nice doing this with everyone

45:01

on on a weekend

45:04

i mean harry might kill us if we make it

45:06

a habit given that

45:08

it involves him on a weekend jeremy too

45:12

we’ve got this isn’t a simple setup

45:14

steve we’ve got actually

45:15

harry and jeremy on both sides of the

45:17

coast

45:18

on both sides of the atlantic helping us

45:21

with this

45:22

plan me feels amazing which makes me

45:24

very happy

45:25

um sarah’s starting a new journey of

45:30

self-love that’s

45:31

lovely isn’t it

45:40

terry says i’m chronically introverted

45:42

and terrified of meeting

45:44

new people i really think that you have

45:47

45:48

treat meeting people as a muscle that

45:50

has to be built

45:52

and treat it in kind of stages you know

45:54

the first stage is just leaving the

45:56

house the second stage is just being a

45:58

bit more proactive in saying hello to

45:59

people

46:00

or just putting yourself in an

46:02

environment where you could meet people

46:03

clubs and things like that or things

46:05

where you are going to

46:07

be part of an activity are great because

46:09

it’s not just you standing in a bar

46:11

hoping to bump into someone you’re there

46:13

for a purpose so that’s a good place to

46:15

start if you want to meet new people

46:17

but not feel obliged to talk to everyone

46:26

46:28

inspiring young young lady is grateful

46:31

for this live wonderful way to spend a

46:33

saturday

46:34

nice

46:39

um iron i iron nut d says are there

46:42

aliens among us

46:45

which would probably be the sort of

46:46

comment you’d expect

46:48

underneath the joe rogan podcast

46:52

which i’m going to take as a compliment

46:57

and what’s the answer

47:02

i mean i suppose it’s possible isn’t it

47:06

i wouldn’t rule it out it’s possible

47:09

that’s fair hitz says uncertain how

47:12

dating will work

47:13

now things are opening up want to be

47:14

more intentional this time around

47:17

one thing i’ll say hits super simple

47:19

slogan i like to say this a lot because

47:21

it’s super super important

47:23

be open about who you meet but be very

47:26

selective about who you invest emotion

47:28

47:29

that’s how you be more intentional about

47:30

dating many people

47:32

do it the exact other way around they’re

47:34

very very

47:35

closed and selective about who they meet

47:38

and

47:39

then when they meet one person who they

47:41

vaguely like

47:42

they’re super uh open

47:45

with giving them their heart if you flip

47:47

that around

47:48

then you date with a lot more

47:50

intentionality you get rid of the wrong

47:52

people faster

47:53

and your net is really wide so you have

47:56

loads of

47:57

people that you might not have you might

47:59

have dismissed at first

48:00

because you were being too ruthless and

48:02

you’d be like oh this person was

48:03

actually really attractive or they were

48:05

sexy on the day or

48:06

i had a great phone call with them then

48:08

you have a lot more people coming in

48:10

you don’t get in scarcity mindset and

48:13

that’s how you have people to choose

48:15

from

48:18

that’s nice i like that and my whole

48:19

thing these days matt

48:21

is dating should if you’re gonna date

48:24

make it enjoyable like don’t get on this

48:28

thing

48:29

where you you keep doing things you

48:31

don’t like

48:32

it’s like the wedding we talked about

48:34

you don’t really want to go

48:36

but you know i’ve got to drag myself out

48:38

for this thing if you’re feeling that

48:40

don’t do it

48:41

but have the call first with someone

48:44

get the chemistry going so that you’re

48:46

actually gonna like

48:47

see your oh that was good i’m gonna

48:49

enjoy seeing them

48:50

in person now and i’m not gonna go and

48:52

do a three-hour dinner or something i’m

48:55

gonna go to something easy

48:56

and fast like i’m gonna go to a game of

48:59

bowling that’ll be fun to play a game of

49:00

bowling wouldn’t it i’m going to go to

49:02

that darts place i’m going to

49:04

just have a stroll and we’ll get a

49:05

coffee or get an ice cream like

49:07

just do it as things that you would have

49:09

fun doing and it’ll be time well spent

49:11

in good company and then you’re never

49:14

feeling like it’s a waste of time

49:15

you’re actually it’s just a part of your

49:17

life

49:18

also going to like people

49:22

yeah and but the priority should be like

49:25

fun

49:26

that i i’m having fun with this

49:30

is if you’re obsessed with whether

49:31

someone is the one

49:33

when you go on a date that’s not fun

49:35

because you can’t

49:36

you cannot enjoy that you it’s like

49:40

wanting i’m not allow i’m not going to

49:42

have fun with this unless it’s the best

49:43

person i’ve ever met

49:45

and you have to just go in to say i’m

49:48

just going to enjoy

49:49

time with another human being if i don’t

49:51

want to do it again afterwards that’s

49:52

fine

49:53

but i’m just going to enjoy i’m going to

49:55

actually get to know this person and

49:56

find out what

49:58

what a great person they might be what’s

50:01

interesting about them not the whole

50:05

like i remember seeing a comment from

50:07

someone being like

50:08

you know if a guy doesn’t like me on a

50:10

date for who i am or whatever

50:12

take it or leave it and i thought even

50:14

just from the tone of that

50:17

it sounds like that’s not a way to start

50:20

a conversation

50:22

yeah you don’t it’s not you don’t go

50:25

past a restaurant

50:26

that’s like trying to bring you like an

50:28

italian restaurant

50:29

where someone doesn’t say like

50:33

how are you hungry are you you want to

50:35

try this you want to try that we’ve got

50:36

some great deals they don’t shout at you

50:38

from the window going

50:39

we got food in here take it or leave it

50:43

like you wouldn’t go to that restaurant

50:46

like you want us you don’t want us take

50:48

it or leave it we’re a restaurant baby

50:51

yeah yeah like you want to invite invite

50:54

someone in

50:55

have a chat have a glass of wine let’s

50:58

see what’s going on

50:59

what are you all about what have you

51:00

been up to in your life

51:02

what have you been doing for these 35

51:04

years oh that’s interesting

51:06

like just just have a conversation

51:10

it’s not it’s hard to be so

51:11

goal-oriented that’s why this whole

51:14

thing as well

51:15

of and speaking of weird pockets of the

51:17

internet there’s plenty of weird pockets

51:18

that are like

51:20

you know men saying that women aren’t

51:22

good enough women saying that men are

51:24

trash

51:24

and all this stuff and it’s like that

51:27

once you once you let see that frame

51:31

sink into you of like the other is not

51:34

good enough and there’s no good ones

51:37

and it’s like a you know it’s a dumpster

51:40

fire

51:41

and everyone’s just like selfish and

51:44

horrible and low class or low quality

51:48

uh and i’m so great you you could not

51:51

you could not set up a worse mindset

51:54

for you to actually enjoy yourself

51:57

on dates and have fun because your

51:59

mindset is looking

52:00

for just confirmation of that that world

52:04

view

52:04

and you’re looking for like if someone

52:06

doesn’t hit every mark straight away

52:08

like see

52:09

no one’s good enough like there’s no one

52:11

who’s even attractive who’s got great

52:13

personality they’re

52:14

selfish there and and i see these like

52:18

the these like ideas like a bit of a

52:21

fungus that grows in weird places and

52:23

people get hooked on it

52:25

like a drug and it becomes like the

52:28

reinforcing like

52:29

people all like like egg on each other

52:32

and suddenly you’re in a complete

52:34

bubble of of almost a delusional idea of

52:38

the other

52:39

person who’s not you the women the men

52:41

the people you’re trying to attract

52:42

and it’s just like there’s loads of

52:44

people out there fine there’s loads of

52:46

people who you’re not interested in

52:48

there’s loads of people who are like uh

52:51

bad behavior

52:52

that you don’t want but there’s so many

52:55

people

52:55

trying there’s so many people who are

52:59

doing interesting things there’s so many

53:00

people you can learn from there’s so

53:02

many

53:03

like fun cool people out there and

53:06

it just it just really like i i

53:09

feel for people who have got too sucked

53:12

into these things because i can

53:13

understand where people get frustrated

53:16

and you have some failures or whatever

53:18

things don’t go well

53:19

so i feel for people who get into these

53:21

things where it becomes a bubble

53:24

but i feel like they’ve lost the the the

53:27

sense of

53:29

you’ve got to be open to new data you’ve

53:31

got to be open

53:32

to like i’m going to live my life

53:36

with great people around me and that’s

53:39

going to

53:40

it’s going to attract great people like

53:42

once you are surrounded by a great crowd

53:44

you’re going to only accept people

53:46

who you know treat you well have the

53:49

right standards and as long as you have

53:51

that

53:51

filter you’re not going to let those

53:54

trash people in

53:56

but you’ve got to be open to the fact

53:58

there are non-trash people

53:59

out there and it you know

54:03

people just i think people forget that

54:05

relationships

54:07

like we get very focused on we haven’t

54:11

got one

54:12

and we really need one and therefore

54:14

everyone becomes a target for that

54:16

relationship

54:17

and then anytime someone doesn’t become

54:20

that or isn’t what you want in that

54:22

department

54:23

it becomes really frustrating and you

54:25

sort of

54:26

it makes you angry at that person almost

54:29

because you’re like

54:30

you’re costing me another like i could

54:33

be with someone right now and this is

54:35

just costing me time with another wrong

54:37

person

54:38

um i do you know what like always

54:41

fascinates me is when people i know who

54:43

are in their 40s 50s

54:44

60s end relationships

54:48

and i’m i’m sort of fascinated by that

54:52

i’m fascinated by the change in state

54:55

that occurs

54:56

between being in a relationship and

54:58

being out of one

54:59

yeah because they feel like different

55:01

worlds but you’re always

55:03

you’re always have the potential to to

55:06

slip from one world into the other

55:08

always like even the friends you think

55:11

are

55:12

you know like oh they’re taken now it’s

55:15

well for now and maybe forever

55:19

maybe but maybe not like maybe

55:22

they’re going to be single in their 50s

55:25

maybe they’ll be single in their 60s for

55:27

they’ll have two awesome years being

55:29

single in their 60s because they broke

55:31

up with their long-term partner or

55:32

whatever like

55:33

you just don’t you just don’t know and i

55:36

think we think of things as so binary

55:38

like it’s the world is just people

55:42

who are leaving the world of being

55:44

single to to then be in a world of

55:47

relationships

55:48

but we forget that the reverse is just

55:50

happening all the time

55:52

too it’s in constant transition

55:56

and that i think is one of the things

55:57

that makes people very insecure

55:59

is that they think that they’re in a

56:01

sort of group of people that’s

56:03

constantly being drained

56:05

like you’re you know another friend gets

56:08

into a relationship and then they’re

56:10

56:11

another person has left the planet

56:13

single

56:15

you know like planet single is

56:17

diminishing by the day another one of my

56:19

friends has left planet single and i’m

56:21

still here and it’s like

56:23

you’re a bunch of your friends are

56:25

coming back to planet single

56:27

yeah they’re coming back they don’t even

56:30

know it yet

56:31

but they’re coming back so relax

56:34

like you’re good you can there’s plenty

56:37

of times for you to leave this planet

56:39

by the way don’t leave on a on a shitty

56:42

spaceship

56:44

like that because that’s then you’re

56:46

coming back soon

56:47

sooner than you think right or you’re

56:50

going to be on another planet and

56:51

incredibly unhappy

56:52

some people are so they’re so obsessed

56:55

with leaving planet single

56:57

that they’ll get on any spaceship to get

57:00

out of there

57:02

yeah they don’t realize how how unhappy

57:04

they’re gonna be on another planet

57:12

says that would be a cool short film

57:14

that would be kind of a

57:15

cool we we could do that we should do

57:17

that as an animated one

57:19

that would actually be a great animation

57:21

right that would be a good one

57:23

maybe we could just well we could just

57:25

take that let’s just send jameson that

57:27

clip

57:28

and have him animate it i like that and

57:31

one of the secrets is that planet single

57:33

is actually quite lush and beautiful as

57:35

well but

57:36

people leave it thinking oh that’s very

57:39

good

57:40

gotta get off of it now can i just say

57:42

57:43

george uh who was talking about aliens

57:46

earlier feels newly

57:47

validated by all of this talk and it’s

57:50

concerning me because he’s

57:51

because i feel like we we got him off

57:53

the subject of aliens for a bit because

57:55

he’s been commenting a lot on aliens

57:57

we got him off of it and i’m worried

57:59

that we’ve now just

58:00

sort of we’ve given him all he needed to

58:03

get back into the alien pool

58:08

i i don’t know why he’s come here for

58:11

the hot alien talk because there’s

58:14

there’s a lot of youtube channels that

58:15

will be talking about that 24 7.

58:18

so i don’t know why he’s hunting around

58:20

matt hussey it’s more fun in it

58:22

i’m really waiting for the day that matt

58:24

harty guy is going to get onto aliens

58:26

because

58:26

yeah but that’s like no that’s like

58:27

saying why why is a gay guy attracted to

58:30

this straight guy you know they have the

58:31

whole world of gay guys

58:33

but it’s like right yeah there’s a

58:35

there’s an appeal

58:36

he’s straight maybe i’ll turn him yeah

58:38

maybe he’s george is thinking like

58:41

i’ll get him onto aliens don’t worry

58:43

about it and by the way

58:44

he has he’s look look at us here we are

58:48

imagine if from now every piece of

58:51

content you ever did was only about

58:53

aliens

58:54

and you never talked about relationships

58:56

again

58:59

exploring nature together says we need a

59:00

moderator that’s probably true

59:03

although harry are you mod maybe harry

59:05

is moderating are you moderating harry

59:07

if so a lot’s getting through

59:13

um this is youtube you don’t moderate

59:16

mate you just let them

59:17

you let them fly

59:21

steve i’m writing down alien animation

59:23

because i feel like there’s something

59:24

fun

59:24

to do there sorry not alien animation

59:27

planet single

59:28

animation get out of my head george

59:43

if someone joins right now they just see

59:44

it you and i are just sitting in silence

59:49

why am i watching

59:53

it’s like a mr beast video

59:56

like i don’t know what those are again

60:00

completely out of touch with youtube no

60:02

idea what’s going on do you

60:06

miss the beast one of the biggest

60:08

youtubers but you don’t you don’t care

60:09

do you

60:10

so his thing is sitting in silence or

60:12

what

60:13

he would do these videos where it was

60:15

some of them were mental it was like

60:17

i’m sitting here uh just blinking for

60:19

three hours and it’d be like a three

60:21

hour youtube video

60:22

that was like some of his some of his

60:25

early it was like almost stunts

60:26

of like i’m gonna count to a million

60:30

you know i’m gonna count to nine hundred

60:32

thousand and it’d just be a fire you

60:34

know

60:34

hours long video

60:38

i mean he’s mr beast the man’s now doing

60:40

great so

60:42

clearly he doesn’t need my help

60:46

60:50

what are you looking forward to um

60:53

how are you staying mentally balanced

60:55

are you staying mentally balanced

60:58

i why i have my routines i

61:02

my routines are really important to me

61:04

i’ve realized

61:05

are they i can’t speak highly enough

61:09

for routine like i

61:14

i need that gym session each day whether

61:17

it’s the gym or boxing

61:18

i need that little sort of morning

61:22

ritual that i have each day of like

61:24

going and making my

61:27

butter coffee

61:30

and you know like i i need those little

61:33

things that ground me

61:34

especially because i don’t know i

61:36

suppose

61:39

my life has a lot of input

61:42

and things going on i need those things

61:45

that

61:46

that just give me a sense of regularity

61:49

in my

61:50

day it’s one of the reasons i sometimes

61:52

feel worse when i travel because when i

61:54

travel my routines go out of the window

61:57

a lot and it it i’ve you know

62:01

you know steve i’m coming back to london

62:02

next friday

62:04

and i’m

62:07

i’ve really been conscious to like

62:09

figure out

62:10

this time around what do i need to bring

62:13

62:15

have my routines there because normally

62:17

i’ll come to london

62:18

and i see family and everyone and i love

62:20

it but i

62:21

i then fall out of the routines and then

62:24

i start

62:25

feeling worse and i’m like why do i feel

62:27

worse or what’s

62:29

why do i feel so out of sorts and it’s

62:30

because i’m i’m not doing those normal

62:33

things that i do

62:34

just because i’m in a different place

62:36

i’m like oh they all go out the window

62:38

this time around i’m like

62:40

what are the things that i need to do to

62:41

feel good to feel like myself

62:43

in this environment otherwise i’m not

62:45

i’m sort of just untethered

62:48

i when i did a long trip in asia the

62:50

only thing i had to do was

62:52

was make sure i kept running up that

62:55

kept me

62:55

sane for like making sure i exercised

62:58

and i got to run around

62:59

all these amazing cities uh like taipei

63:02

and

63:02

seoul and uh chiang mai i was just like

63:06

steve we gotta go to asia this year

63:08

we’re not gonna be able to go to asia

63:10

this year are we

63:11

asia’s still closed it’s closed now but

63:15

who knows who knows where we’ll get to

63:17

um yeah i heard russell brown talk about

63:19

that how he has to do

63:20

all these things in the morning it was

63:22

like i have to do my run my something

63:24

vipassana meditation yoga it’s like all

63:27

these things

63:28

just to stay normal just to like not be

63:31

a crazy addict

63:32

but that’s probably i’m a bit like that

63:34

i think i i there’s a bit of that

63:36

that brand quality in me where i’m

63:40

i’m a little i can go off into

63:44

my extremes and i you know i realize

63:47

like there are things i have to do every

63:49

day

63:50

to keep myself in check otherwise

63:54

otherwise steve it would be birthday

63:55

cake every night does does matthew rc

63:58

get like a slob

63:59

day like a sunday do you just like

64:02

it’s all off the table today

64:06

stephen get up when i won

64:09

you know eat what i want uh

64:12

no exercise that was that was supposed

64:15

to be my day today

64:16

i but then we had the video issue with

64:19

this weekend’s video for those just

64:20

joining now the reason we’re doing it

64:21

live is because we

64:23

i ballsed up the video for this weekend

64:26

by trying to make a last minute change

64:27

and then it wasn’t ready for the weekend

64:29

which by the way i can’t wait for you to

64:30

see this video it’s gonna be so cool

64:32

but uh you know normally it would be

64:35

today and i’d like

64:37

but i have to i have to like

64:40

my mind gets so i’m a list maker

64:45

so i find it really hard to just stop

64:48

doing that when the weekend comes around

64:51

i find it very hard in general to switch

64:53

my my brain off

64:54

that’s a problem for me i have to go

64:56

through processes

64:59

to just to just get my mind to calm down

65:03

and to switch off but what

65:06

happens is that i’ll get to a saturday

65:09

and i go

65:09

right i’m not planning anything

65:14

for today like this is a day where i’m

65:16

going to give myself the gift

65:19

of not because so much of my day is

65:21

scheduled every other day

65:24

that i’m just like i’m going to give

65:26

myself a day where i’m not scheduling

65:28

anything

65:29

but what then happen is i’ll go do you

65:32

know what movie i really want to watch

65:34

i want to watch see the new mortal

65:35

kombat movie so then i’ll like

65:38

be like all right i’ll okay i’ll do that

65:40

today and i’ll write that down

65:41

and then i’ll go do you know what i i

65:43

really want to go and get

65:45

a nice coffee but i’ll forget if i don’t

65:47

like i

65:48

i will i’ll think of something i want to

65:50

65:51

and then i’ll forget that i want to do

65:53

it i don’t know if that happens to you

65:55

but one of the things i hate the biggest

65:57

tragedies is when i get to the end of

65:59

the weekend

66:00

and i realize there were things that i

66:02

said to myself i really

66:04

wanted to do but i forgot to do them

66:07

oh i have that with like movies where i

66:09

want to watch two movies at the weekend

66:11

and then i’m like ah

66:12

i didn’t i should have just watched the

66:14

movies i like just watching tv and like

66:17

hanging out yeah so i get anxiety about

66:20

not about forgetting to do the fun

66:23

things that i want to do

66:26

you know like i hate i hate the phrase

66:28

if it was important you’d remember it

66:30

i think that is such bollocks

66:33

like there are so many important things

66:37

that i don’t like i’ll there’ll be

66:39

something that’s really important to do

66:41

for my

66:41

you know what’s really important to me

66:42

meditation if i don’t

66:44

schedule it i will forget to do it oh

66:47

yeah

66:48

it’s like it no if it it’s not if it was

66:51

really important you’d remember

66:53

that’s a ridiculous thing to say so i

66:56

the one disagreement we have there is

66:58

you and i know you don’t believe this

67:00

but i believe

67:01

my good ideas i trust that if they’re

67:03

good ideas they stay

67:04

and if they went they were bad ideas but

67:06

you write down all your ideas whereas i

67:09

i’m like a great idea i don’t forget it

67:12

but you you are too super repeat on you

67:17

because it keeps newly the truth of that

67:20

idea

67:21

and it’s and its validity its

67:25

weight its importance it keeps repeating

67:28

on you

67:29

in your life and so for that reason you

67:32

don’t maybe forget that idea but

67:33

but there are plenty of ideas that i

67:35

think you

67:37

if you’re having a lot of ideas you may

67:40

not get back

67:41

that idea might not circle back around i

67:43

see them as like these

67:44

they’re things that just float around

67:46

you and it might be that that idea is

67:49

still out there but

67:51

if it floats away it might take three

67:53

months to come back

67:55

it might take three weeks to come back

67:57

and it’s not there when i need it

68:00

but i i yeah i mean i i get to a

68:02

saturday and i

68:03

i if i’m not careful i start to like i

68:06

make a list of all the oh i wanna yeah i

68:08

wanna read a magazine i haven’t

68:10

read a map i don’t never get time to

68:11

read magazines i’d really like to do

68:13

that today oh i want to read

68:14

i want to read that book i you know i

68:16

keep saying i want to read that book and

68:18

i’ve never

68:18

i keep not finding time for it because

68:20

of all the meetings i have in a week oh

68:21

let me write that down and before i know

68:23

68:24

this relaxing saturday

68:27

has been like it’s scheduled out as if

68:30

it’s

68:30

like another work day but it’s scheduled

68:33

out with all of these

68:35

different things that i say i want to do

68:37

with a saturday but then that stresses

68:39

me out i’m like

68:40

you so i have to like i have to like

68:43

really just

68:44

cut calm myself down and be like okay

68:47

you’re you’re a mental person

68:51

i think what we’re getting here is the

68:52

cost of being with you is you are an

68:54

intense man

68:57

i yeah when we talked about cost of

68:59

relationship the cost of being with matt

69:00

hussey is that he lives at a high

69:02

intensity

69:04

i but i do sometimes i i i’m very

69:08

grateful for it and other times i

69:09

can’t stand myself

69:12

which is why like sometimes it’s nice to

69:14

be around someone who

69:16

is just the opposite because then i’m

69:18

like oh yeah

69:20

okay you’re like being around you is

69:22

calming because you’re not constantly

69:26

like looking at the day and going am i

69:28

making the most of it am i doing enough

69:30

with it what did i want to do today i

69:32

think partly

69:33

it comes from

69:36

i think it comes it’s a sort of

69:40

little i’m i’m letting myself off the

69:42

hook a little bit here but but not

69:43

entirely

69:44

i think it’s a bit of an anxiety born

69:47

out of

69:48

the fact that i’ve spent so many years

69:51

having

69:52

so much of my time scheduled out

69:56

and having a business that’s so

69:59

demanding

70:00

that a weekend becomes

70:04

this even a day on a weekend becomes

70:07

this really sacred

70:09

special time because i know what’s

70:11

coming on monday

70:13

and so because i know that it’s so

70:17

sacred and special to have that time

70:20

that’s just for me i then have a

70:23

tendency to

70:24

overthink the

70:27

making the most of it i’m so eager

70:30

to get the most out of it because it’s

70:32

just for me

70:34

that i that eagerness to get the most

70:37

out of it can

70:38

trigger that kind of anxiety where i’m

70:40

like am i

70:42

you know am i having a saturday am i get

70:44

like is this a is

70:45

it’s like my mind goes is this the

70:47

greatest saturday ever

70:48

are we doing it are we having a great

70:50

saturday and

70:52

um and i have to like be like be like

70:55

it’s all right

70:56

we’re just we’re having a nice day relax

70:59

you’re all good it’s okay yeah it’s

71:03

almost you’re

71:03

you’re like a maximizer instead of a

71:06

satisficer

71:07

you know in your you’re about like are

71:10

we doing it

71:10

am i doing relaxing at a nine or a ten

71:13

instead of like

71:14

am i just satisfied with hey let’s put

71:17

on a film that i’d like to watch tonight

71:19

and that’s

71:20

a tick you know that’s that’s a good

71:23

thing

71:23

harry harry our younger brother harry is

71:25

the complete

71:27

opposite he is like harry is the most

71:31

present chilled

71:34

person he’s like he is the he’s

71:37

so laid back like he’s really good at

71:41

just

71:41

enjoying things and that i really admire

71:45

that

71:45

in harry i think you and i learn from

71:48

harry

71:48

and our cousin billy where we see that

71:51

they are

71:52

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Photo credit: Screenshot from video

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