Choosing the Right Relationship, Escaping Toxic Mindsets and Butter Coffee [Video]

 

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Transcript provided by YouTube:

00:01
stevie boy
00:03
brother brother where are now i am in
00:06
l.a
00:08
we are 15 minutes late to this
00:12
we said we’d be live at 11 o’clock
00:15
pacific
00:16
time and we’re 15 minutes
00:19
after that so firstly sorry everyone
00:23
we this was not we were supposed to be
00:25
here a bit earlier
00:27
we hope we don’t want to you know keep
00:30
you waiting around we know that
00:31
um well hope hopefully steve people have
00:34
been eagerly waiting to come and join us
00:36
here but
00:36
you know they may not have been
00:40
matthew you’ve used the collective noun
00:42
we matthew told us two minutes ago
00:44
that he had told everyone we were going
00:45
to be live uh
00:47
at 11. so uh he’s dragged us all in
00:51
to his mess but here we are ready to
00:53
pick up the pieces
00:54
for old matty boy right well you’ve been
00:56
no better there steve because you did
00:58
now you’ve thrown me under the bus
01:00
so you’ve done no better than i did and
01:03
by the way i didn’t realize that
01:05
i’m pulling myself out from under the
01:06
bus that you threw me under
01:09
right yeah you didn’t you pulled
01:10
yourself out and then came back and
01:12
threw me under
01:13
back under it i don’t know what’s going
01:17
on with this bus but there’s a lot of
01:18
people under it
01:20
um uh well hello everyone
01:25
what it’s good to see everyone uh let’s
01:27
see who we’ve got in here
01:29
mariana how cool is this this is cool
01:31
steve why are we doing this
01:33
here’s the here’s the honest truth
01:36
about why we’re doing it don’t sugarcoat
01:38
it give them the full shebang
01:40
oh don’t worry i’ll give them the full
01:41
shabang and i want and steve i won’t
01:43
throw you under the bus
01:45
there’s here is what happened we had a
01:48
video
01:50
that was supposed to go out this weekend
01:53
we’ve been very excited about it
01:56
i in the middle of the night
02:00
on thursday night i even teased this
02:03
video steve i told everyone on
02:05
whatever the live was that i did on
02:07
thursday i was like get ready because
02:08
this weekend
02:10
we have a really special video coming
02:13
i teased it and then in the middle of
02:15
the night
02:16
like 3 a.m friday i had a
02:20
mini crisis where i was like i woke i
02:23
literally woke up and i was like
02:25
this there’s a change we need to make to
02:27
this video
02:28
it’s not quite like it cannot go out
02:31
this weekend
02:32
and you know steve people don’t realize
02:34
when you
02:35
when you make a youtube video it’s not
02:37
just like
02:38
you make it and throw it up that day at
02:41
least for us
02:42
like there’s a whole process that it has
02:45
to go through we need to get an
02:46
email ready to send to our mailing list
02:48
we need to like get put it through all
02:49
the steps
02:50
to make sure that it’s qa’d and there’s
02:53
a whole thing
02:54
that has to happen so friday was the
02:57
wrong day
02:59
to have this realization so i pulled it
03:02
but the team then went well then we have
03:03
nothing to go out this weekend
03:06
to which i replied then fine we’ll get
03:10
on live
03:10
we’ll just for the fir steve this is the
03:12
first time ever
03:15
we risked not having a weekend video a
03:18
new weekend video we’ve been doing it
03:19
for like eight years now
03:21
releasing a new video every week can i
03:23
just say it is actually unbelievable
03:25
when i process it
03:27
this is actually i can’t not a weekend
03:29
in about eight years
03:31
plus because you had another little
03:32
channel before but it came this one
03:35
like nearly 10 years you not missed a
03:37
saturday of doing a video a saturday or
03:39
sunday
03:40
which we don’t get enough credit for
03:42
steve no he’s not
03:44
yeah but that but
03:47
and it would have been we should here’s
03:49
what we should have done we should have
03:51
not replaced it with this youtube live
03:53
and we should have just
03:55
seen what happened if we didn’t put it
03:56
out like what
03:58
what happened sorry what do you think is
04:00
going to happen everyone’s going to go
04:01
oh this is this
04:02
is great this is different no video
04:05
no i just wanted to know if anyone even
04:07
noticed
04:09
like i said well maybe not like maybe
04:12
everyone we think everyone would notice
04:14
but maybe the reality is people
04:16
would just be get on with you know
04:17
they’d be like they wouldn’t even know
04:19
steve oh this is an interesting strategy
04:21
they they released
04:22
nothing this time the john cage of
04:26
youtube just
04:27
nothing that’s my statement um
04:30
brilliant just just a blank screen for
04:32
10 minutes
04:34
um you old sausage
04:37
well thanks for joining everyone on your
04:40
saturday
04:42
i’m sorry sarah says there’d be riots in
04:44
the streets uh bloody
04:46
i know it’s not popular to say right now
04:48
but i bloody hope so
04:51
um matt can i say it i know you’re sort
04:54
of sheepishly hiding it right now but it
04:55
does
04:56
does feel like you’re getting bulkier in
04:57
each of our calls lately
04:59
have you you’ve been lifting a lot
05:03
and that’s not that’s not a patsy
05:05
question you’ve set up for me i’m
05:06
genuinely curious
05:08
if only steve you were that controllable
05:13
i no i uh i’ve been doing a little bit
05:16
of lifting steve
05:17
yeah yeah i mean i’ve been i’ve been
05:20
going to the gym
05:22
and you know i mean i’ve always gone to
05:24
the gym but
05:25
you know i’ve i’ve been doing it with a
05:26
bit more zeal
05:28
recently i’ve also been got back to
05:30
boxing steve i’ve been
05:32
you obviously now i’ve been boxing for
05:33
over a decade and i hadn’t done it in a
05:35
while
05:36
covid didn’t help wasn’t it wasn’t a
05:38
great sport to do in the middle of covid
05:40
is
05:41
being uh face to face with someone
05:44
breathing all over each other
05:46
uh but i i have gotten back to that so
05:48
that’s that’s helped as well
05:49
anyway what does that mean you’re you’re
05:51
like training to like spa with people or
05:54
you just like going and
05:55
i have been sparring i’ve been sparring
05:58
um i’ve actually been sparring
06:00
a couple of times a week with lewis
06:02
howes who’s a big boy really
06:04
that’s the name
06:13
we work out we go and box a couple of
06:14
times a week and we’ll uh
06:16
duff each other up for an hour and lewis
06:18
is a a big
06:20
strapping man he’s like he’s broad
06:24
um quite an intimidating figure in the
06:26
ring yeah
06:27
and and also i asked this because this
06:30
is my thought on the boxing thing you
06:31
know i always enjoy coming with you
06:33
doing the training
06:34
having a bit of fun but my whole thing
06:36
is um
06:38
my brain is all i have matt and i do get
06:41
scared of getting
06:43
hit in the head and thinking i can’t
06:46
i’m not i’m not an instagram model matt
06:48
dare i say
06:49
i have you know i was like i agree with
06:52
yourself i put yourself down mate
06:54
no well i grew up some might claim that
06:56
you are
06:57
i grew up chubby i lost weight and
07:01
but i’m still not i’m not like some
07:03
instagram model my brain is what i have
07:05
you know i went to a fancy university i
07:08
write i study that’s that’s what i have
07:12
what university was that steve uh oh i
07:15
have a phd
07:16
matt from oxford as you well know uk
07:19
that’s a great university isn’t it one
07:20
of the best
07:21
well um it’s in frasier i’m not i’m not
07:25
bragging about my degrees
07:26
but i do um i i get scared of getting
07:29
hit in their head
07:30
does that does that no it’s fine my
07:31
humble my humble brag
07:33
is being friends with lewis howes yours
07:35
is i have a phd from oxford university
07:38
and i don’t i don’t want to get hit in
07:40
the noggin but dude does that does that
07:42
come to you like you don’t want to get
07:43
hit in the head too much when you spawn
07:45
things
07:46
by the way i think you’re a great
07:48
looking man steve and i think people
07:49
would be very surprised
07:50
to hear that uh you ever grew up
07:54
chubby and that you don’t that you that
07:57
you’re so
07:58
sort of self-deprecatingly derating
08:01
your uh the physical appeal of you
08:04
which i think is as strong as any other
08:06
part of you well
08:07
it’s not my money maker let’s just say
08:09
that uh but thank you
08:10
it’s very sweet um but hit in the head
08:14
i’m not no no no i used to in my 20s i
08:17
used to do
08:18
full head sparring but now i
08:21
we don’t because louis and i both
08:23
realize we’re um
08:26
you know we’re we’re at that age where
08:28
we we’re where we’re essentially
08:30
relatively young
08:32
but also where you start worrying that
08:35
you
08:35
you’re forgetting things and you
08:38
you’re like wait a minute why am i why
08:40
is my memory not why do i keep
08:42
forgetting that or what like you start
08:44
just thinking
08:45
i don’t want to lose more brain cells
08:47
than i need to
08:48
uh you don’t really think about that in
08:50
your 20s you just think oh this would be
08:52
fun and you it’s you’re an idiot
08:55
essentially
08:56
so yes uh that’s what i think i can’t
09:00
afford to lose
09:01
not not because i’m so smart but but
09:03
because a tip over into
09:05
being dumb if i lose too many brain
09:07
cells i’m just like just smart enough
09:09
i forget a lot steve i i’m you know i’m
09:12
quite insecure about my memory i forget
09:14
quite a lot
09:14
so i am trying to make sure that i don’t
09:17
do anything that could contribute to
09:19
me not remembering things you know like
09:22
someone said
09:23
do you know what i was watching last
09:24
night have you seen the q anon
09:25
documentary on
09:26
by the way i just want to prepare people
09:28
for just let me let me just prepare
09:29
people for a little bit
09:31
i speaking of losing brain cells has
09:33
anyone watched a q a non-documentary
09:36
this is really going to smarten you up
09:38
guys no i just want to prepare people
09:41
because
09:41
um we uh
09:45
when when we were talking about this we
09:47
were about to write in the description
09:49
let’s talk dating confidence blah blah
09:52
blah
09:53
and you know just general weekend
09:55
nonsense
09:56
and then i intentionally went back and
09:58
deleted all of the words there that
10:01
imply that it would definitely be
10:02
something useful
10:04
because i thought if we end up just
10:07
talking about weekend nonsense
10:09
i don’t want to pretend that we were
10:11
going to talk about
10:12
dating and answer a lot of questions so
10:16
you know if it feels like we’re drifting
10:18
a little bit
10:19
that’s because we haven’t promised
10:21
anything more in this session
10:23
um but time with us if we do get to some
10:26
dating and stuff like that and
10:27
confidence and whatever
10:29
that’d be a lovely little bonus we’ll
10:30
have done we’ll have
10:32
we’ll have done something extra
10:33
curricular on a saturday
10:35
um but i uh yeah so i was watching the q
10:38
a on documentary
10:39
steve and um
10:43
there was a moment where they were
10:45
talking about the capital riots
10:47
and they said there was a new they
10:49
replayed a news piece that said
10:51
well you know this is going to be a day
10:54
where
10:55
everyone will remember where they were
10:58
on this day when they heard this news
11:00
that the people have stormed the capital
11:03
and i immediately got insecure because i
11:04
thought
11:06
i have no idea where i was like i like
11:09
it
11:09
that this is how ridiculous insecurity
11:11
can be is i’m
11:12
sitting there on a friday night watching
11:15
a q a on documentary
11:18
eating cake by the way which is was a
11:21
nice little treat that i’d gave myself a
11:23
cheese cake a birthday cake you bought
11:25
for yourself
11:26
i it was a slice of birthday cake from
11:29
milk bar steve and
11:30
steve you know that cake
11:34
oh that that that is honestly one of the
11:36
best things in
11:37
the world the milk cake steve
11:44
i especially asked one for my birthday
11:47
yeah
11:47
you and you got it for me we brought you
11:50
one
11:51
from l.a to florida because we were in
11:53
the
11:54
on the retreat for your birthday we flew
11:56
you in a cake
11:57
i know i know i’ll never forget that i
11:59
mean it wasn’t when we say we flew you
12:01
in a cake it wasn’t like we got
12:02
a like a private plane for that cake
12:06
but it was put no doubt it was on a
12:09
plane to get to you
12:11
where was i you were talking about the
12:14
documentary you forgot where you were
12:17
ironically i said everyone’s going to
12:18
remember where they were the day of the
12:20
capital riots
12:20
i literally thought oh no i’ve lost my
12:23
memory is terrible i don’t remember
12:25
where i was
12:26
the day of the capital riots but you
12:29
know
12:30
do you remember where you were steve
12:33
that historic day i was probably
12:35
probably in my damn house like i’ve been
12:37
for a lot of the last few months
12:39
with covid in the uk we’ve been on full
12:42
lockdown so it’s really i was probably
12:44
at the park
12:45
running or in the house that’s what
12:47
happened yeah yeah
12:48
that’s right it could when someone says
12:51
everyone will remember where they were
12:52
this day
12:53
yes because everyone was at home
12:55
yeah i go oh yeah
12:57
i’ve been home for six months i remember
12:59
where i was every day for the last
13:00
year yeah oh my um
13:06
yeah well that’s good i’m glad you’re
13:07
keeping busy is that your favorite
13:09
lockdown watch
13:10
the conspiracy documentaries no i steve
13:13
ryan turner our good friend said to me
13:16
you have to watch the q a on documentary
13:18
because
13:18
by the end of it you’ll find out who it
13:20
is and you
13:21
won’t believe it and i thought that’s a
13:24
great setup
13:25
i didn’t even who q himself is yeah or
13:28
herself
13:29
yeah exactly and i didn’t i didn’t care
13:32
about the q and on thing it’s not like i
13:33
followed it closely at any point during
13:35
the whole thing but but um i i learned
13:39
about it by watching it
13:41
uh and it was it was interesting i mean
13:43
the internet is a weird place is really
13:45
the conclusion of
13:47
so much of that is that it’s just the tr
13:49
the depths of the internet i
13:51
still to this day i’m naive to yeah
13:54
the the problem of you saying it’s
13:56
interesting is people now think that
13:57
means that you think
13:58
the whole id the whole theory is
14:00
interesting
14:04
i just i’m continuously surprised how
14:08
naive i
14:09
am to the internet yeah
14:12
like i i don’t realize there are these
14:15
just
14:16
there are these homes on the internet
14:19
for
14:19
so much stuff that i don’t even know
14:22
goes on
14:24
i have to be told about the most basic
14:26
things going on online steve
14:27
i mean only last week when we went i
14:30
went with the boys to lake arrowhead
14:32
and um and ryan was telling me in the
14:36
car about the friday song
14:37
that he was like do you remember the
14:39
friday song and i was like i have no
14:41
idea what you’re talking about he said
14:42
what what are you saying you you must
14:45
you know the song though right you knew
14:46
it
14:47
i didn’t know it are you i don’t know
14:50
but this is
14:50
now this is now steve i’m getting that’s
14:52
mad this is what i’m talking about
14:54
because did i know it maybe i did and i
14:56
forgot i
14:57
but i don’t i don’t remember the
15:00
friday’s song if i did hear
15:01
it i don’t know where i was when did it
15:03
come out
15:05
oh i don’t know like 2011 or 12. i don’t
15:09
know
15:10
i don’t know where it was i don’t
15:11
remember it and
15:13
um we were playing we were playing it in
15:16
the car
15:16
yeah yeah for those who don’t know
15:19
rebecca black friday
15:21
uh maybe some people on this are too
15:23
young
15:24
this well matt it was like a viral
15:28
it was a mega viral sensation
15:33
steve i i see it’s worrying i don’t know
15:35
why i don’t know that
15:38
if any people listening are like 14 i
15:40
understand why they might not have known
15:43
but i mean what does that say about me
15:46
what does it say about me that i don’t
15:47
know about that
15:48
what what why don’t i know that if you
15:51
know that and jeremy knows it and
15:53
half the world knows it i think it says
15:55
you are
15:56
desperately out of touch uh you live in
15:59
your own
16:00
a delusional bubble where you don’t have
16:03
any contact no one allows you contact
16:05
with the outside world can i just stop
16:07
you there steve the
16:08
these don’t sound like good things are
16:10
you trying to compliment me or is this
16:12
uh
16:15
you do not listen to anything you just
16:19
only hear what you want to hear and uh
16:22
sorry because it sounds like you’re not
16:25
saying nice things
16:28
sorry let me finish you have no finger
16:29
on the pulse of of what people are
16:31
looking at
16:32
no that that’s just stunning because it
16:34
was like a mega joke
16:36
it was people were like oh this is so
16:38
silly this stupid song
16:39
has got so many hits and it was like you
16:42
know
16:42
everything about it it was like a
16:44
perfect viral sensation right
16:46
i was at university at the time and
16:48
everyone talked about it that
16:50
the next day wow the next day
16:57
right well steve what are you making
17:01
plans this year
17:02
are you sort of like are you looking at
17:05
like how are you looking at your year in
17:06
terms of getting out are you
17:09
are you making plans to go and do some
17:11
fun stuff or are you just still
17:13
playing it month by month um
17:17
sarah young by the way says are you
17:18
taking questions
17:21
you can put a question in the comments
17:25
and and we’ll see what happens it’s
17:28
clearly stephen and i aren’t in the most
17:32
serious mood but put it in the comments
17:35
and
17:36
and maybe we will give it a try
17:40
sorry so you’re doing
17:43
you’re you’re getting away or you’re not
17:45
you know what i keep thinking about this
17:47
really there’s been a kind of pleasure
17:50
in not
17:50
making any plans there’s a lot that’s
17:54
very negative about this and i’m you
17:56
know the i’m sick of lockdown as
17:58
everyone else is as well
17:59
it’s it’s definitely been an ordeal at
18:02
times
18:02
um to say the least but the one
18:06
thing is it’s it’s been good to not have
18:09
it you don’t really have to think
18:11
that far ahead of making the plans
18:14
now that being said i do you know i have
18:16
a theory matt about happiness
18:18
that was told to me by our cousin danny
18:21
when i was
18:22
very young and i never forgot it and i
18:25
don’t know why because it wasn’t like
18:26
our cousin danny went around dispensing
18:28
life advice
18:29
right but once he told me one one of the
18:32
secrets to happiness is to always have
18:35
two things to look forward to and i said
18:37
why two and he said
18:39
the first one because you need something
18:41
on the horizon
18:43
and the second so that you don’t get
18:44
depressed when the first one
18:46
ends and he heard it i don’t know where
18:50
he got it from i’ve never seen it
18:51
anywhere else since
18:52
but but i always it never ever left me
18:56
like
18:56
two things is that just the the
18:59
antithesis of mindfulness
19:02
you could say that but there’s a lot
19:05
there’s a lot of studies that show that
19:06
positive anticipation
19:08
seeing a good future is a really
19:10
important thing
19:11
for happiness like you have to you have
19:13
to see that
19:14
things are going to get good and and
19:17
that drives you and it motivates you so
19:19
i’m not sure but so then i’m like well i
19:22
should think of some plans and
19:24
like one you know it might even just be
19:27
like i’ve got i’ve got a wedding in
19:29
october that’s a thing
19:30
it’s a while away but i’m gonna see all
19:33
my friends from school and stuff
19:36
that’s like super cool like i don’t see
19:37
those people enough you were talking on
19:39
that last live stream about tribe and
19:41
stuff
19:41
i don’t see those guys enough i’m really
19:44
looking forward to like having that day
19:46
it’s one day
19:47
right but right and i thought but i
19:49
don’t want to make any travel plans
19:51
so the thing i would usually do to look
19:53
forward to is travel plans but
19:55
i guess it’s more i’m trying to think of
19:57
it more in terms of like
19:59
like all of us we will reunion with our
20:02
cousins with you
20:04
and i’m looking forward to getting us
20:06
all put together in a room wherever that
20:08
is it might be in america
20:10
i’ll come to you i’m looking forward to
20:11
going back to new york which i love or
20:13
la
20:14
i love being with you in la and i’m just
20:16
like i know that’s coming
20:18
so i’m sort of making a bookmark in my
20:20
head like i’m going to go see matt in la
20:22
or you’re going to be here and we’re all
20:24
going to do something and i know that’s
20:25
going to happen later this year
20:27
if if that was me and i was looking
20:30
forward to all of my friends
20:31
seeing all of my friends in october i
20:33
would think to myself i just wish it
20:35
wasn’t at a wedding
20:39
you’re not me and you are not great
20:41
we’re not great lovers
20:43
of weddings for two people who talk
20:45
about dating and relationships a lot
20:48
steve i don’t like i i i i there’s
20:51
nothing
20:52
there’s nothing i dread more than a
20:53
wedding invite okay you’ve just said it
20:56
but
20:57
i what do you dread the party i’m not
21:00
talking about
21:02
you know steve we get plenty of wedding
21:04
invites from
21:05
our audience who have met someone as a
21:07
result of our work but i’m not even
21:09
talking about those ones
21:11
i i dread a wedding invite from like
21:15
a friend no there’s nothing i dread more
21:18
than a wedding invite from a sort of
21:20
like someone who’s somewhere between a
21:24
friend and an acquaintance
21:27
because that like a wedding to me if you
21:31
can go and you’re just surrounded by
21:33
people you love
21:34
that is a good time and especially if
21:35
you care about the people that are
21:37
getting married
21:38
but other than that i can’t do it steve
21:41
it’s like i feel like you know i feel
21:44
like how the queen must feel
21:48
oh yeah
21:52
what when she gets well the queen’s life
21:56
is is like going to events where she has
21:59
to watch
22:00
things that she’s not connected to
22:02
doesn’t
22:03
listen to speeches she does not care
22:06
about
22:07
and sit there cordially and get through
22:10
that
22:11
event i mean that’s the thing that
22:12
people don’t realize about when people
22:14
glorify the royal family
22:16
like it is i wouldn’t trade i wouldn’t
22:19
trade for that
22:20
it is you are it’s event after event
22:24
where you have to stand there just to be
22:27
there
22:28
because you’re a royal i sit through
22:31
endless chapel services do you remember
22:34
those at school
22:35
when you’d have to sit through a chapel
22:37
service that
22:39
felt like you were gonna die stephen
22:42
and they felt like they were three hours
22:45
long and they couldn’t have been
22:46
as a teenager that was like how i
22:49
imagined
22:50
jail to be was chapel
22:54
and i’m not having a go i know it’s
22:57
important to some people but
22:58
at school that was my memory of it was i
23:01
can’t believe we have to go and sit
23:03
through this now and i
23:07
i’m not comparing a wedding to jail
23:09
steve
23:12
no i’m just saying that
23:15
there’s a how the queen feels
23:18
sitting through events like that
23:22
that’s sort of what i dread about
23:23
weddings
23:25
i i do know what you mean and i i’m
23:27
gonna pick you up on what you said
23:28
earlier though
23:29
is it does depend who it is
23:32
if it’s the right there’s like a group
23:34
of 10 to 15 people where you’re like
23:36
those are weddings you would actually
23:38
enjoy and all the others
23:40
feel like an obligation like there’s a
23:43
bunch of close people where you’re like
23:44
oh i’ll know loads of people there and
23:46
it’ll be fun because i’m really close to
23:48
that person
23:49
and like i’ll actually enjoy seeing the
23:51
people there still it’s a bit long
23:54
it’s a bit long it’s a long old it’s a
23:57
long old commitment
23:58
but at least well the marriage is a long
24:00
old commitment so i suppose it’s sort of
24:02
foreshadowing so coming
24:05
so you all have to come and do your own
24:07
part yeah this is symbolic
24:09
of what we’re getting into this we’re
24:11
going to make this day as symbolic as
24:13
possible
24:14
of the long old commitment that we’re
24:16
embracing here
24:19
um anyway i’m glad you’re seeing your
24:22
friends in october steve
24:24
yeah what do you think it’s going to be
24:27
like when people get back
24:28
to dating again i you know i keep
24:31
getting so many people
24:32
complain about the fact they can’t right
24:35
now
24:36
and yet it’s like when people can date
24:39
they complain about all the things that
24:42
dating requires
24:43
i feel like i feel like people now
24:47
act like i would always be out on loads
24:49
of dates now if only i could
24:51
yeah but it’s like i don’t know
24:54
i’m skeptical of these people who are
24:56
all complaining they can’t be on dates
24:58
well it’s just an easy thing to say
25:00
isn’t it like oh i’d be meeting so many
25:03
people if i was able to go out right now
25:05
and most people aren’t taking advantage
25:08
even when they
25:09
can and that that’s just a lesson for
25:12
life i think
25:13
that we are
25:16
we’re eager to play with the toy that’s
25:18
just been taken away from us
25:21
but when it’s right in front of us we we
25:23
don’t we often don’t think about it
25:26
um so yeah it’s worth sometimes thinking
25:29
what would i
25:30
what would i want to do if suddenly i
25:32
didn’t have the chance to do it that’s a
25:34
good way of looking at things i think
25:36
without needing a pandemic to teach us
25:39
the lesson because by the way the
25:41
pandemic people i do think
25:43
i do think there’s a there is some kind
25:45
of psychological that
25:47
this whole year will have had an effect
25:49
on our psyches for
25:50
sure but i think it’s
25:54
people also underestimate the
25:57
speed with which they will return to
25:59
their sort of level
26:01
whatever that is whatever their level of
26:04
doing things going out experiencing the
26:06
world
26:07
whatever whatever their level is i think
26:09
most people will
26:10
return to but you look life is about
26:14
like it’s
26:17
i’m see i’m you know me steve i i’m too
26:20
extreme
26:22
i if i think i want to get in shape i go
26:25
mental like i i suddenly will book out
26:29
like
26:29
seven sessions of training in a week and
26:32
do this do that
26:33
like i’m i’m a bit extreme and the
26:35
problem with extremes
26:37
is that you you tend to do the pendulum
26:40
thing you know you you fly from one end
26:42
of the spectrum to another
26:45
and i have to remind myself like if i
26:49
tell myself oh i’ve been stuck in for a
26:51
while
26:53
and then even on a micro level if i
26:56
think there’s a
26:56
you know i’ve been stuck in for a while
26:58
and then i go oh i want to plan then the
27:00
next few days
27:01
a lot of activity suddenly like i’ll ram
27:04
out four days of like
27:06
let me go to dinner here and go out here
27:08
and invite this person here before i
27:09
know it i’ve shot off
27:11
15 messages to people
27:14
and an hour later i’m like
27:17
everyone like people have said yes and
27:20
i’ve arranged a brunch
27:22
and i’ve got a thing to do on saturday
27:24
night what and then i’ll
27:26
what have i done what have i
27:29
done so i try and remind myself because
27:33
i’m insane
27:34
i try and remind myself all right matt
27:36
you want you feel a bit cooped
27:38
up you’re a bit you’ve got a bit of
27:40
cabin fever
27:42
lesser range a brunch
27:45
let’s just start there because chances
27:47
are by the end of this brunch
27:50
you won’t want to see anyone again for
27:52
five days
27:54
but it’s so true if you you know how
27:57
they say don’t shop hungry
27:59
right don’t go food don’t go to the
28:01
grocery store and do your grocery
28:02
shopping hungry
28:04
be careful okay don’t text lonely is
28:07
that your
28:07
one don’t be careful texting lonely be
28:10
careful of booking out your social
28:12
calendar when you have cabin fever you
28:16
know
28:16
like just be wary because like slip you
28:19
want to do something
28:20
slip all right put something in the
28:21
diary see how you feel at the end of it
28:25
be careful of the the the that because i
28:28
i do i go to such extreme
28:30
levels that i immediately just think
28:33
i’ve just booked i i’ve now got i’ve now
28:36
got to cancel
28:37
six different things that i don’t want
28:41
to do and i’m going to annoy everybody
28:43
imagine getting a text from me saying
28:45
all right mate
28:46
oh do you want to get out this weekend
28:48
you want to do something on saturday and
28:49
they’re
28:49
they’re just going about their business
28:51
steve they’re happy
28:53
and they get a text from me going trying
28:54
to do something on saturday and i’m all
28:56
revved up and then they go yeah yeah
28:57
that sounds great matt wow it’s going to
28:59
be so great to see you and then just
29:00
a day later i go you know i said i
29:03
wanted to do that thing on saturday
29:05
i really don’t
29:13
the honesty of that would be fantastic
29:15
but also
29:16
possibly friendship ruining it yeah
29:20
i try to be more honest with people
29:21
these days about not wanting to do
29:23
things
29:24
when people text me i don’t say i do you
29:26
know like that classic thing of i’m
29:28
i’ve got a lot on this weekend or
29:30
whatever i don’t do that
29:31
i i tried to just say to people
29:34
i don’t think i’m gonna feel like doing
29:36
anything
29:38
i don’t they’ll say to me do you want to
29:40
do something on saturday and i’ll be
29:41
like
29:41
to be honest mate i’m actually looking
29:43
forward to a day on my own on saturday
29:46
but let’s let’s try and arrange
29:48
something for another week
29:49
like i’ll be honest about it because i
29:51
just don’t
29:52
i can’t stand i can’t stand the
29:55
of like
29:56
ah mate i’ve got a lot on on saturday
29:58
i’m doing this and i’m doing that but
30:00
yeah well
30:00
it’s like just tell the just tell them
30:02
just tell them you don’t feel like doing
30:05
anything that’s fine
30:06
yeah i find it’s a weird one i sometimes
30:09
set aside
30:10
near days because i want to read and
30:13
catch up on loads of reading
30:15
but people don’t like being beaten by
30:18
reading
30:18
for a for plans like sorry i
30:22
i i really want to i’ve got a lot of
30:24
reading to do people think like
30:26
what why what you gonna read a report
30:27
for work no just these books i’ve really
30:30
want to get around to
30:31
it’s like people don’t want to be beaten
30:34
in a way they shouldn’t be offended
30:38
like if you’re being dropped for your
30:40
mate dave
30:41
if it was if you went um seeing dave
30:44
instead they could be offended because
30:45
they’re like
30:46
dave dave
30:49
i’m being dropped for but if it’s like
30:52
you’re being dropped for shakespeare or
30:56
seneca or you know these are
31:00
that’s tough company to beat yeah but
31:02
shakespeare hasn’t got feelings
31:04
it’s them who’s gonna get hurt yeah but
31:07
he’s still more interesting than most
31:09
people
31:12
that’s one of my this is a strange segue
31:15
but i wrote a piece yesterday and
31:18
it was about i posted it on our facebook
31:21
on our blog how to get the guide dot com
31:23
and it was called relationships what you
31:26
want
31:27
versus what you pay for it and
31:30
it was a point where i was talking and
31:32
this relates to me and being
31:34
like introverted and like i like my time
31:36
to myself i like reading and stuff
31:39
but like you everyone thinks they know
31:42
the kind of thing they want in a person
31:45
or in a relationship
31:46
they might think i want to be with like
31:47
an artist a sexy
31:49
passionate artist i want to be an
31:50
entrepreneur i want to be with a
31:52
model i want to be of someone who’s
31:54
really extroverted and a
31:56
part and adventure lover and my
31:59
my point in this article is you have to
32:01
know what the price
32:03
of whatever it is you want uh you have
32:06
to know what the price actually is and
32:07
maybe it’s like
32:09
entrepreneurs tend to be really really
32:12
really driven
32:13
sometimes hard to get on evenings and
32:14
weekends uh
32:16
quite fixated some artists can live with
32:20
financial insecurity or they can just be
32:22
obsessive and want loads and loads of
32:24
time be greedy with their time
32:26
uh the extrovert adventure lover can be
32:29
exhausting
32:30
and they never stop and they’ll never
32:32
stop and take
32:33
any five minutes to sit down with you
32:36
have a cup of tea
32:37
um and you know that i’m relating that
32:40
back to me i’m saying like
32:42
if i you know if i’m in a relationship
32:45
one thing i have to communicate is that
32:48
i
32:49
i need i’m quite greedy with like i need
32:53
time lots of things i do are learning
32:56
writing
32:58
i have to have a lot of time to be able
33:00
to do those
33:01
and it doesn’t make me super sociable i
33:03
can sit
33:04
and read together and do those things
33:06
but i can’t
33:07
divide and i i have to i used to be so
33:10
bad at communicating that and so
33:12
almost uh because i was trying to please
33:15
the other person or not trying to make
33:17
waves
33:17
i would make excuses that something else
33:20
whereas the truth is like this is just
33:22
really important to me and i need to
33:24
do it and yeah i guess
33:27
that would be my price um i think people
33:29
under people definitely underestimate
33:31
the value of just being able to do
33:33
things
33:33
in each other’s company like they they
33:37
you know if you can be together
33:40
whilst also serving your separate goals
33:45
that’s a really lovely thing like that i
33:47
think is that
33:48
can make a relationship if you can be in
33:51
the same room
33:52
achieving your separate goals but
33:53
together in company
33:55
i think that’s a really beautiful thing
33:57
and of course that’s not the same
33:59
as quality bonding
34:02
well it can be bonding time but it’s not
34:04
the same as like getting to know
34:06
each other better time that’s a specific
34:08
form of spending time together in
34:10
conversation
34:11
but i do think that there’s there’s
34:13
spending time together in conversation
34:15
which is really important and if you
34:17
always
34:17
are in company but never in conversation
34:20
that’s a lopsided relationship
34:22
but if you’re always in conversation
34:27
and you can never be in company without
34:29
being in conversation
34:31
that’s also a well perhaps
34:35
you could say that’s an exhausting
34:37
relationship
34:38
and it’s one that has you wondering when
34:41
they’re going to go home
34:42
or when you can get away so that you can
34:45
get back to your life
34:47
and i actually think people don’t people
34:48
underestimate that as a cause of
34:51
ending like situations that never
34:53
progress to where they could be
34:56
is that they they’ve created a situation
34:59
where someone
35:00
says i have to go home so that i can
35:04
continue living my life
35:05
i have to get you out of my space so
35:08
that i can continue
35:09
living my life and if someone doesn’t
35:11
need to say that if someone can say
35:14
i can continue living my life with you
35:16
here
35:17
that’s the beginning of i think
35:20
an enduring relationship in one sense
35:24
yeah it’s bad it’s trying to do that
35:25
without the other person feeling
35:27
neglected or like you’re not interested
35:31
in
35:32
being with them but it takes two secure
35:34
people
35:37
yeah yeah that’s right
35:40
i i think people struggle with that
35:42
though whether they want to be with the
35:44
same
35:44
someone who’s the same as them or
35:45
someone who is
35:48
you know opposites attract but i think
35:50
it’s really self-knowledge
35:52
it’s just self-knowledge of knowing you
35:54
know
35:55
you could be the laid-back one and be
35:57
with the super driven crazy obsessive
35:59
one
36:00
as long as you are cool that
36:03
you you’re gonna be doing loads of
36:05
things yourself and you’re cool that
36:07
they’re
36:07
out there having to be like obsessive
36:10
and driven that
36:11
that can work it’s just that you’ve got
36:14
to make peace with
36:15
that’s the choice right yeah you pay the
36:17
money you take the ride
36:19
i yeah man being with someone who’s
36:22
obsessively driven
36:23
is hard that’s hard i’m wondering in the
36:27
comments like have you been with someone
36:29
that
36:30
is obsessively driven to the point where
36:33
you just felt really
36:34
neglected and you didn’t feel like you
36:36
could have the kind of
36:37
like we neediness is often put down
36:40
steve as a kind of
36:41
you know oh i don’t you’d never want to
36:43
be with a needy person but
36:45
at a certain point you just have needs
36:48
right
36:49
and you have to admit when you’re in a
36:51
relationship where those
36:52
needs aren’t being met where you’re just
36:54
like i can’t
36:56
i’m not needy but i i am not i am a
36:59
plant that’s not being watered enough
37:01
here in this relationship i’m needed to
37:04
the extent that a plant needs water
37:06
and this relationship doesn’t offer
37:09
nearly enough
37:10
water uh i’m curious as to
37:13
who uh who’s been in that situation with
37:16
someone who you thought
37:17
have you been in a situation with
37:18
someone where you were initially
37:20
you thought i’m really attracted to how
37:22
driven
37:24
this person is but then that drive was
37:27
the thing that ended up
37:28
breaking you up who’s been in that
37:34
situation
37:36
lin says you can be needy because your
37:38
needs are not being met
37:39
yes exactly that’s a good point lynn
37:42
that is a good point
37:43
that’s what i think is interesting about
37:44
the
37:46
as a kind of extension of the attached
37:49
concept i know a lot of people always
37:51
reference that book
37:52
attached with the different attachment
37:55
styles
37:56
the insecu the anxious attachment styles
37:58
secure
37:59
and um avoidant
38:02
and uh what one of the more interesting
38:07
corollaries of that idea
38:11
is that your attachment style
38:14
can actually shift but this is why i
38:17
think it’s dangerous sometimes to try
38:18
and define your attachment style
38:21
too rigidly or as this constant because
38:24
you can be with someone
38:25
who actually makes you appear much more
38:27
needy
38:28
and all of a sudden your attachment
38:30
style starts to look like the anxious
38:32
attachment style but it’s because
38:34
you’re with someone where the
38:36
relationship really
38:38
does not naturally and organically meet
38:41
your needs
38:42
it’s someone who constantly makes you
38:44
feel like you’re an underwatered
38:46
flower and you you’re constantly craving
38:49
that because you don’t have it and so
38:51
now you come across as needy
38:53
high maintenance anxious but in another
38:56
relationship you might actually seem
38:58
like none of those things
39:04
yeah that’s why i’m i’m cautious about
39:06
people
39:08
taking that role as their like a
39:10
lifelong
39:11
role i i think i’ve definitely i’ve
39:14
definitely played different roles in
39:16
relationships
39:17
over time and that
39:20
that is if you’ve been with someone who
39:22
makes you feel insecure you know what
39:23
that’s like
39:24
sometimes it’s like oh my god this
39:26
person is demanding so much of me that i
39:28
desperately feel trapped and i want to
39:30
pull away now
39:32
and i’m desperate for my freedom and
39:34
time and space
39:35
and um so i think it can be behavioral
39:39
what’s your view steve on the whole
39:42
getting attracted to something in the
39:44
beginning that then
39:45
you know i think someone someone in the
39:47
comments just put esther perel also
39:49
talks about this idea of
39:51
the thing that attracts you that causes
39:53
conflict down the line
39:56
what’s your what’s your view on that
39:58
because there’s
39:59
there are the things that you ignore in
40:01
the beginning that are
40:02
red flags that cause conflict down the
40:04
line but what about the things that
40:06
you’re attracted to
40:08
that caused conflict down the line
40:12
well is she saying it’s a it’s a problem
40:14
or something you have to watch out for i
40:15
don’t know what has to be
40:16
someone’s quoting esther in the comments
40:18
i don’t know what esther’s
40:20
particular take on that is or whether
40:22
it’s just an observation that you know
40:24
the irony of the fact that the thing
40:26
that attracts us in the beginning is the
40:27
thing that can
40:28
actually create an awful lot of conflict
40:30
down the line uh
40:32
but but what’s your what’s your view on
40:34
that
40:36
um yeah i you know i i
40:39
can see times where i’ve definitely done
40:42
that like sometimes i like
40:45
you know i’ve chosen people who have
40:47
been like strong-willed and very
40:49
independent
40:50
and i’m attracted to that and it can
40:53
also
40:53
come with us being both really
40:57
driven and wanting our own things and
41:00
sometimes we’re both being a bit selfish
41:03
and like i want to do like this this way
41:05
well i won’t do this and even though
41:07
there’s a lot of attraction and
41:08
chemistry there
41:09
it’s it’s like ah we both you know it’s
41:12
like we like the fact we’re both
41:14
kind of strongly on our purpose
41:17
but that’s hard because you’re both
41:20
difficult to
41:21
the other one won’t be like hey i want
41:23
to fold into your life and
41:25
do it you know do your thing that’s
41:28
definitely happened
41:29
um yeah i i i think we spend a
41:34
lot of time focusing on what we’re
41:37
attracted to which is
41:38
natural and we’re kind of never going to
41:41
get rid of that
41:42
so it’s pointless to tell people not to
41:44
focus on that
41:45
because that’s what they’re going to
41:46
focus on but i think that
41:48
something everyone could benefit from
41:52
proactively putting more focus on is
41:56
not just what am i attracted to but
41:59
are my needs getting met within this
42:01
situation and can they be met within
42:03
this situation
42:05
you know you could be attracted to
42:07
someone who’s crazy driven
42:09
and has built something amazing but
42:12
if all the early signs point to them
42:14
having no time for you or
42:16
them not giving you the affection
42:19
or the the time that you want then
42:23
you may be attracted but that’s not the
42:25
same as being happy or your needs being
42:28
met in the situation
42:32
yeah yeah i i agree
42:37
lots of well we’ve prompted some longer
42:39
comments
42:40
with this little discussion
42:45
simon says we are what we are attracted
42:47
to to to
42:48
sometimes it’s what we haven’t owned yet
42:50
in ourselves
42:52
i’m not sure how to decipher that if
42:53
that means something we don’t have
42:55
or something we haven’t dealt with and
42:58
well
42:59
that no i think the point well i think
43:02
the point that’s being made there is
43:03
that
43:04
we get attracted to i heard tony robbins
43:07
say once
43:08
and i thought this was quite good he
43:10
said
43:11
we get attracted to people who are like
43:13
us or like how we want to be
43:18
and i thought that was quite
43:21
quite true you know we we get attracted
43:24
to someone because they have qualities
43:26
that we already have and we’re like oh
43:27
they’re
43:28
they’re like me it’s one of us or you
43:30
see someone who has a charisma that
43:32
you’d like to have
43:34
you know or a boldness that you’d like
43:37
to have
43:38
or a playfulness that you’d like to have
43:41
and so we’re that’s magnetizing you know
43:44
we want to be closer to those things
43:46
that we ourselves want to represent
43:48
and i think what she’s saying is if you
43:49
haven’t owned it in yourself but you do
43:52
appreciate that quality when you see it
43:54
in somebody else
43:56
it’s very attractive
44:00
yeah i’ve i’ve often been attracted to
44:03
very
44:04
uh expressive warm people
44:07
uh i’m not saying i’m not warm inside
44:10
but i don’t initially come across that
44:12
way i can be quite rational and
44:13
pragmatic
44:14
and i think i can often be attracted to
44:17
people who have like
44:18
much more in touch with their like
44:21
immediate visceral emotional side um
44:25
yeah what are you i’m curious in the
44:28
comments what are you
44:30
struggling with today you know like
44:32
what’s on your mind
44:34
good or bad actually you know like it’s
44:37
it’s saturday
44:39
what are you feeling on this on this
44:41
saturday
44:43
what how are you doing like how are you
44:45
actually
44:47
doing i’m curious about that
44:59
it’s quite nice doing this with everyone
45:01
on on a weekend
45:04
i mean harry might kill us if we make it
45:06
a habit given that
45:08
it involves him on a weekend jeremy too
45:12
we’ve got this isn’t a simple setup
45:14
steve we’ve got actually
45:15
harry and jeremy on both sides of the
45:17
coast
45:18
on both sides of the atlantic helping us
45:21
with this
45:22
plan me feels amazing which makes me
45:24
very happy
45:25
um sarah’s starting a new journey of
45:30
self-love that’s
45:31
lovely isn’t it
45:40
terry says i’m chronically introverted
45:42
and terrified of meeting
45:44
new people i really think that you have
45:47
to
45:48
treat meeting people as a muscle that
45:50
has to be built
45:52
and treat it in kind of stages you know
45:54
the first stage is just leaving the
45:56
house the second stage is just being a
45:58
bit more proactive in saying hello to
45:59
people
46:00
or just putting yourself in an
46:02
environment where you could meet people
46:03
clubs and things like that or things
46:05
where you are going to
46:07
be part of an activity are great because
46:09
it’s not just you standing in a bar
46:11
hoping to bump into someone you’re there
46:13
for a purpose so that’s a good place to
46:15
start if you want to meet new people
46:17
but not feel obliged to talk to everyone
46:26
um
46:28
inspiring young young lady is grateful
46:31
for this live wonderful way to spend a
46:33
saturday
46:34
nice
46:39
um iron i iron nut d says are there
46:42
aliens among us
46:45
which would probably be the sort of
46:46
comment you’d expect
46:48
underneath the joe rogan podcast
46:52
which i’m going to take as a compliment
46:57
and what’s the answer
47:02
i mean i suppose it’s possible isn’t it
47:06
i wouldn’t rule it out it’s possible
47:09
that’s fair hitz says uncertain how
47:12
dating will work
47:13
now things are opening up want to be
47:14
more intentional this time around
47:17
one thing i’ll say hits super simple
47:19
slogan i like to say this a lot because
47:21
it’s super super important
47:23
be open about who you meet but be very
47:26
selective about who you invest emotion
47:28
in
47:29
that’s how you be more intentional about
47:30
dating many people
47:32
do it the exact other way around they’re
47:34
very very
47:35
closed and selective about who they meet
47:38
and
47:39
then when they meet one person who they
47:41
vaguely like
47:42
they’re super uh open
47:45
with giving them their heart if you flip
47:47
that around
47:48
then you date with a lot more
47:50
intentionality you get rid of the wrong
47:52
people faster
47:53
and your net is really wide so you have
47:56
loads of
47:57
people that you might not have you might
47:59
have dismissed at first
48:00
because you were being too ruthless and
48:02
you’d be like oh this person was
48:03
actually really attractive or they were
48:05
sexy on the day or
48:06
i had a great phone call with them then
48:08
you have a lot more people coming in
48:10
you don’t get in scarcity mindset and
48:13
that’s how you have people to choose
48:15
from
48:18
that’s nice i like that and my whole
48:19
thing these days matt
48:21
is dating should if you’re gonna date
48:24
make it enjoyable like don’t get on this
48:28
thing
48:29
where you you keep doing things you
48:31
don’t like
48:32
it’s like the wedding we talked about
48:34
you don’t really want to go
48:36
but you know i’ve got to drag myself out
48:38
for this thing if you’re feeling that
48:40
don’t do it
48:41
but have the call first with someone
48:44
get the chemistry going so that you’re
48:46
actually gonna like
48:47
see your oh that was good i’m gonna
48:49
enjoy seeing them
48:50
in person now and i’m not gonna go and
48:52
do a three-hour dinner or something i’m
48:55
gonna go to something easy
48:56
and fast like i’m gonna go to a game of
48:59
bowling that’ll be fun to play a game of
49:00
bowling wouldn’t it i’m going to go to
49:02
that darts place i’m going to
49:04
just have a stroll and we’ll get a
49:05
coffee or get an ice cream like
49:07
just do it as things that you would have
49:09
fun doing and it’ll be time well spent
49:11
in good company and then you’re never
49:14
feeling like it’s a waste of time
49:15
you’re actually it’s just a part of your
49:17
life
49:18
also going to like people
49:22
yeah and but the priority should be like
49:25
fun
49:26
that i i’m having fun with this
49:30
is if you’re obsessed with whether
49:31
someone is the one
49:33
when you go on a date that’s not fun
49:35
because you can’t
49:36
you cannot enjoy that you it’s like
49:40
wanting i’m not allow i’m not going to
49:42
have fun with this unless it’s the best
49:43
person i’ve ever met
49:45
and you have to just go in to say i’m
49:48
just going to enjoy
49:49
time with another human being if i don’t
49:51
want to do it again afterwards that’s
49:52
fine
49:53
but i’m just going to enjoy i’m going to
49:55
actually get to know this person and
49:56
find out what
49:58
what a great person they might be what’s
50:01
interesting about them not the whole
50:05
like i remember seeing a comment from
50:07
someone being like
50:08
you know if a guy doesn’t like me on a
50:10
date for who i am or whatever
50:12
take it or leave it and i thought even
50:14
just from the tone of that
50:17
it sounds like that’s not a way to start
50:20
a conversation
50:22
yeah you don’t it’s not you don’t go
50:25
past a restaurant
50:26
that’s like trying to bring you like an
50:28
italian restaurant
50:29
where someone doesn’t say like
50:33
how are you hungry are you you want to
50:35
try this you want to try that we’ve got
50:36
some great deals they don’t shout at you
50:38
from the window going
50:39
we got food in here take it or leave it
50:43
like you wouldn’t go to that restaurant
50:46
like you want us you don’t want us take
50:48
it or leave it we’re a restaurant baby
50:51
yeah yeah like you want to invite invite
50:54
someone in
50:55
have a chat have a glass of wine let’s
50:58
see what’s going on
50:59
what are you all about what have you
51:00
been up to in your life
51:02
what have you been doing for these 35
51:04
years oh that’s interesting
51:06
like just just have a conversation
51:10
it’s not it’s hard to be so
51:11
goal-oriented that’s why this whole
51:14
thing as well
51:15
of and speaking of weird pockets of the
51:17
internet there’s plenty of weird pockets
51:18
that are like
51:20
you know men saying that women aren’t
51:22
good enough women saying that men are
51:24
trash
51:24
and all this stuff and it’s like that
51:27
once you once you let see that frame
51:31
sink into you of like the other is not
51:34
good enough and there’s no good ones
51:37
and it’s like a you know it’s a dumpster
51:40
fire
51:41
and everyone’s just like selfish and
51:44
horrible and low class or low quality
51:48
uh and i’m so great you you could not
51:51
you could not set up a worse mindset
51:54
for you to actually enjoy yourself
51:57
on dates and have fun because your
51:59
mindset is looking
52:00
for just confirmation of that that world
52:04
view
52:04
and you’re looking for like if someone
52:06
doesn’t hit every mark straight away
52:08
like see
52:09
no one’s good enough like there’s no one
52:11
who’s even attractive who’s got great
52:13
personality they’re
52:14
selfish there and and i see these like
52:18
the these like ideas like a bit of a
52:21
fungus that grows in weird places and
52:23
people get hooked on it
52:25
like a drug and it becomes like the
52:28
reinforcing like
52:29
people all like like egg on each other
52:32
and suddenly you’re in a complete
52:34
bubble of of almost a delusional idea of
52:38
the other
52:39
person who’s not you the women the men
52:41
the people you’re trying to attract
52:42
and it’s just like there’s loads of
52:44
people out there fine there’s loads of
52:46
people who you’re not interested in
52:48
there’s loads of people who are like uh
52:51
bad behavior
52:52
that you don’t want but there’s so many
52:55
people
52:55
trying there’s so many people who are
52:59
doing interesting things there’s so many
53:00
people you can learn from there’s so
53:02
many
53:03
like fun cool people out there and
53:06
it just it just really like i i
53:09
feel for people who have got too sucked
53:12
into these things because i can
53:13
understand where people get frustrated
53:16
and you have some failures or whatever
53:18
things don’t go well
53:19
so i feel for people who get into these
53:21
things where it becomes a bubble
53:24
but i feel like they’ve lost the the the
53:27
sense of
53:29
you’ve got to be open to new data you’ve
53:31
got to be open
53:32
to like i’m going to live my life
53:36
with great people around me and that’s
53:39
going to
53:40
it’s going to attract great people like
53:42
once you are surrounded by a great crowd
53:44
you’re going to only accept people
53:46
who you know treat you well have the
53:49
right standards and as long as you have
53:51
that
53:51
filter you’re not going to let those
53:54
trash people in
53:56
but you’ve got to be open to the fact
53:58
there are non-trash people
53:59
out there and it you know
54:03
people just i think people forget that
54:05
relationships
54:07
like we get very focused on we haven’t
54:11
got one
54:12
and we really need one and therefore
54:14
everyone becomes a target for that
54:16
relationship
54:17
and then anytime someone doesn’t become
54:20
that or isn’t what you want in that
54:22
department
54:23
it becomes really frustrating and you
54:25
sort of
54:26
it makes you angry at that person almost
54:29
because you’re like
54:30
you’re costing me another like i could
54:33
be with someone right now and this is
54:35
just costing me time with another wrong
54:37
person
54:38
um i do you know what like always
54:41
fascinates me is when people i know who
54:43
are in their 40s 50s
54:44
60s end relationships
54:48
and i’m i’m sort of fascinated by that
54:52
i’m fascinated by the change in state
54:55
that occurs
54:56
between being in a relationship and
54:58
being out of one
54:59
yeah because they feel like different
55:01
worlds but you’re always
55:03
you’re always have the potential to to
55:06
slip from one world into the other
55:08
always like even the friends you think
55:11
are
55:12
you know like oh they’re taken now it’s
55:15
like
55:15
well for now and maybe forever
55:19
maybe but maybe not like maybe
55:22
they’re going to be single in their 50s
55:25
maybe they’ll be single in their 60s for
55:27
they’ll have two awesome years being
55:29
single in their 60s because they broke
55:31
up with their long-term partner or
55:32
whatever like
55:33
you just don’t you just don’t know and i
55:36
think we think of things as so binary
55:38
like it’s the world is just people
55:42
who are leaving the world of being
55:44
single to to then be in a world of
55:47
relationships
55:48
but we forget that the reverse is just
55:50
happening all the time
55:52
too it’s in constant transition
55:56
and that i think is one of the things
55:57
that makes people very insecure
55:59
is that they think that they’re in a
56:01
sort of group of people that’s
56:03
constantly being drained
56:05
like you’re you know another friend gets
56:08
into a relationship and then they’re
56:10
like
56:11
another person has left the planet
56:13
single
56:15
you know like planet single is
56:17
diminishing by the day another one of my
56:19
friends has left planet single and i’m
56:21
still here and it’s like
56:23
you’re a bunch of your friends are
56:25
coming back to planet single
56:27
yeah they’re coming back they don’t even
56:30
know it yet
56:31
but they’re coming back so relax
56:34
like you’re good you can there’s plenty
56:37
of times for you to leave this planet
56:39
by the way don’t leave on a on a shitty
56:42
spaceship
56:44
like that because that’s then you’re
56:46
coming back soon
56:47
sooner than you think right or you’re
56:50
going to be on another planet and
56:51
incredibly unhappy
56:52
some people are so they’re so obsessed
56:55
with leaving planet single
56:57
that they’ll get on any spaceship to get
57:00
out of there
57:02
yeah they don’t realize how how unhappy
57:04
they’re gonna be on another planet
57:12
says that would be a cool short film
57:14
that would be kind of a
57:15
cool we we could do that we should do
57:17
that as an animated one
57:19
that would actually be a great animation
57:21
right that would be a good one
57:23
maybe we could just well we could just
57:25
take that let’s just send jameson that
57:27
clip
57:28
and have him animate it i like that and
57:31
one of the secrets is that planet single
57:33
is actually quite lush and beautiful as
57:35
well but
57:36
people leave it thinking oh that’s very
57:39
good
57:40
gotta get off of it now can i just say
57:42
um
57:43
george uh who was talking about aliens
57:46
earlier feels newly
57:47
validated by all of this talk and it’s
57:50
concerning me because he’s
57:51
because i feel like we we got him off
57:53
the subject of aliens for a bit because
57:55
he’s been commenting a lot on aliens
57:57
we got him off of it and i’m worried
57:59
that we’ve now just
58:00
sort of we’ve given him all he needed to
58:03
get back into the alien pool
58:08
i i don’t know why he’s come here for
58:11
the hot alien talk because there’s
58:14
there’s a lot of youtube channels that
58:15
will be talking about that 24 7.
58:18
so i don’t know why he’s hunting around
58:20
matt hussey it’s more fun in it
58:22
i’m really waiting for the day that matt
58:24
harty guy is going to get onto aliens
58:26
because
58:26
yeah but that’s like no that’s like
58:27
saying why why is a gay guy attracted to
58:30
this straight guy you know they have the
58:31
whole world of gay guys
58:33
but it’s like right yeah there’s a
58:35
there’s an appeal
58:36
he’s straight maybe i’ll turn him yeah
58:38
maybe he’s george is thinking like
58:41
i’ll get him onto aliens don’t worry
58:43
about it and by the way
58:44
he has he’s look look at us here we are
58:48
imagine if from now every piece of
58:51
content you ever did was only about
58:53
aliens
58:54
and you never talked about relationships
58:56
again
58:59
exploring nature together says we need a
59:00
moderator that’s probably true
59:03
although harry are you mod maybe harry
59:05
is moderating are you moderating harry
59:07
if so a lot’s getting through
59:13
um this is youtube you don’t moderate
59:16
mate you just let them
59:17
you let them fly
59:21
steve i’m writing down alien animation
59:23
because i feel like there’s something
59:24
fun
59:24
to do there sorry not alien animation
59:27
planet single
59:28
animation get out of my head george
59:43
if someone joins right now they just see
59:44
it you and i are just sitting in silence
59:49
why am i watching
59:53
it’s like a mr beast video
59:56
like i don’t know what those are again
60:00
completely out of touch with youtube no
60:02
idea what’s going on do you
60:06
miss the beast one of the biggest
60:08
youtubers but you don’t you don’t care
60:09
do you
60:10
so his thing is sitting in silence or
60:12
what
60:13
he would do these videos where it was
60:15
some of them were mental it was like
60:17
i’m sitting here uh just blinking for
60:19
three hours and it’d be like a three
60:21
hour youtube video
60:22
that was like some of his some of his
60:25
early it was like almost stunts
60:26
of like i’m gonna count to a million
60:30
you know i’m gonna count to nine hundred
60:32
thousand and it’d just be a fire you
60:34
know
60:34
hours long video
60:38
i mean he’s mr beast the man’s now doing
60:40
great so
60:42
clearly he doesn’t need my help
60:46
um
60:50
what are you looking forward to um
60:53
how are you staying mentally balanced
60:55
are you staying mentally balanced
60:58
i why i have my routines i
61:02
my routines are really important to me
61:04
i’ve realized
61:05
are they i can’t speak highly enough
61:09
for routine like i
61:14
i need that gym session each day whether
61:17
it’s the gym or boxing
61:18
i need that little sort of morning
61:22
ritual that i have each day of like
61:24
going and making my
61:27
butter coffee
61:30
and you know like i i need those little
61:33
things that ground me
61:34
especially because i don’t know i
61:36
suppose
61:39
my life has a lot of input
61:42
and things going on i need those things
61:45
that
61:46
that just give me a sense of regularity
61:49
in my
61:50
day it’s one of the reasons i sometimes
61:52
feel worse when i travel because when i
61:54
travel my routines go out of the window
61:57
a lot and it it i’ve you know
62:01
you know steve i’m coming back to london
62:02
next friday
62:04
and i’m
62:07
i’ve really been conscious to like
62:09
figure out
62:10
this time around what do i need to bring
62:13
to
62:15
have my routines there because normally
62:17
i’ll come to london
62:18
and i see family and everyone and i love
62:20
it but i
62:21
i then fall out of the routines and then
62:24
i start
62:25
feeling worse and i’m like why do i feel
62:27
worse or what’s
62:29
why do i feel so out of sorts and it’s
62:30
because i’m i’m not doing those normal
62:33
things that i do
62:34
just because i’m in a different place
62:36
i’m like oh they all go out the window
62:38
this time around i’m like
62:40
what are the things that i need to do to
62:41
feel good to feel like myself
62:43
in this environment otherwise i’m not
62:45
i’m sort of just untethered
62:48
i when i did a long trip in asia the
62:50
only thing i had to do was
62:52
was make sure i kept running up that
62:55
kept me
62:55
sane for like making sure i exercised
62:58
and i got to run around
62:59
all these amazing cities uh like taipei
63:02
and
63:02
seoul and uh chiang mai i was just like
63:06
steve we gotta go to asia this year
63:08
we’re not gonna be able to go to asia
63:10
this year are we
63:11
asia’s still closed it’s closed now but
63:15
who knows who knows where we’ll get to
63:17
um yeah i heard russell brown talk about
63:19
that how he has to do
63:20
all these things in the morning it was
63:22
like i have to do my run my something
63:24
vipassana meditation yoga it’s like all
63:27
these things
63:28
just to stay normal just to like not be
63:31
a crazy addict
63:32
but that’s probably i’m a bit like that
63:34
i think i i there’s a bit of that
63:36
that brand quality in me where i’m
63:40
i’m a little i can go off into
63:44
my extremes and i you know i realize
63:47
like there are things i have to do every
63:49
day
63:50
to keep myself in check otherwise
63:54
otherwise steve it would be birthday
63:55
cake every night does does matthew rc
63:58
get like a slob
63:59
day like a sunday do you just like
64:02
it’s all off the table today
64:06
stephen get up when i won
64:09
you know eat what i want uh
64:12
no exercise that was that was supposed
64:15
to be my day today
64:16
i but then we had the video issue with
64:19
this weekend’s video for those just
64:20
joining now the reason we’re doing it
64:21
live is because we
64:23
i ballsed up the video for this weekend
64:26
by trying to make a last minute change
64:27
and then it wasn’t ready for the weekend
64:29
which by the way i can’t wait for you to
64:30
see this video it’s gonna be so cool
64:32
but uh you know normally it would be
64:35
today and i’d like
64:37
but i have to i have to like
64:40
my mind gets so i’m a list maker
64:45
so i find it really hard to just stop
64:48
doing that when the weekend comes around
64:51
i find it very hard in general to switch
64:53
my my brain off
64:54
that’s a problem for me i have to go
64:56
through processes
64:59
to just to just get my mind to calm down
65:03
and to switch off but what
65:06
happens is that i’ll get to a saturday
65:09
and i go
65:09
right i’m not planning anything
65:14
for today like this is a day where i’m
65:16
going to give myself the gift
65:19
of not because so much of my day is
65:21
scheduled every other day
65:24
that i’m just like i’m going to give
65:26
myself a day where i’m not scheduling
65:28
anything
65:29
but what then happen is i’ll go do you
65:32
know what movie i really want to watch
65:34
i want to watch see the new mortal
65:35
kombat movie so then i’ll like
65:38
be like all right i’ll okay i’ll do that
65:40
today and i’ll write that down
65:41
and then i’ll go do you know what i i
65:43
really want to go and get
65:45
a nice coffee but i’ll forget if i don’t
65:47
like i
65:48
i will i’ll think of something i want to
65:50
do
65:51
and then i’ll forget that i want to do
65:53
it i don’t know if that happens to you
65:55
but one of the things i hate the biggest
65:57
tragedies is when i get to the end of
65:59
the weekend
66:00
and i realize there were things that i
66:02
said to myself i really
66:04
wanted to do but i forgot to do them
66:07
oh i have that with like movies where i
66:09
want to watch two movies at the weekend
66:11
and then i’m like ah
66:12
i didn’t i should have just watched the
66:14
movies i like just watching tv and like
66:17
hanging out yeah so i get anxiety about
66:20
not about forgetting to do the fun
66:23
things that i want to do
66:26
you know like i hate i hate the phrase
66:28
if it was important you’d remember it
66:30
i think that is such bollocks
66:33
like there are so many important things
66:37
that i don’t like i’ll there’ll be
66:39
something that’s really important to do
66:41
for my
66:41
you know what’s really important to me
66:42
meditation if i don’t
66:44
schedule it i will forget to do it oh
66:47
yeah
66:48
it’s like it no if it it’s not if it was
66:51
really important you’d remember
66:53
that’s a ridiculous thing to say so i
66:56
the one disagreement we have there is
66:58
you and i know you don’t believe this
67:00
but i believe
67:01
my good ideas i trust that if they’re
67:03
good ideas they stay
67:04
and if they went they were bad ideas but
67:06
you write down all your ideas whereas i
67:09
i’m like a great idea i don’t forget it
67:12
but you you are too super repeat on you
67:17
because it keeps newly the truth of that
67:20
idea
67:21
and it’s and its validity its
67:25
weight its importance it keeps repeating
67:28
on you
67:29
in your life and so for that reason you
67:32
don’t maybe forget that idea but
67:33
but there are plenty of ideas that i
67:35
think you
67:37
if you’re having a lot of ideas you may
67:40
not get back
67:41
that idea might not circle back around i
67:43
see them as like these
67:44
they’re things that just float around
67:46
you and it might be that that idea is
67:49
still out there but
67:51
if it floats away it might take three
67:53
months to come back
67:55
it might take three weeks to come back
67:57
and it’s not there when i need it
68:00
but i i yeah i mean i i get to a
68:02
saturday and i
68:03
i if i’m not careful i start to like i
68:06
make a list of all the oh i wanna yeah i
68:08
wanna read a magazine i haven’t
68:10
read a map i don’t never get time to
68:11
read magazines i’d really like to do
68:13
that today oh i want to read
68:14
i want to read that book i you know i
68:16
keep saying i want to read that book and
68:18
i’ve never
68:18
i keep not finding time for it because
68:20
of all the meetings i have in a week oh
68:21
let me write that down and before i know
68:23
it
68:24
this relaxing saturday
68:27
has been like it’s scheduled out as if
68:30
it’s
68:30
like another work day but it’s scheduled
68:33
out with all of these
68:35
different things that i say i want to do
68:37
with a saturday but then that stresses
68:39
me out i’m like
68:40
you so i have to like i have to like
68:43
really just
68:44
cut calm myself down and be like okay
68:47
you’re you’re a mental person
68:51
i think what we’re getting here is the
68:52
cost of being with you is you are an
68:54
intense man
68:57
i yeah when we talked about cost of
68:59
relationship the cost of being with matt
69:00
hussey is that he lives at a high
69:02
intensity
69:04
i but i do sometimes i i i’m very
69:08
grateful for it and other times i
69:09
can’t stand myself
69:12
which is why like sometimes it’s nice to
69:14
be around someone who
69:16
is just the opposite because then i’m
69:18
like oh yeah
69:20
okay you’re like being around you is
69:22
calming because you’re not constantly
69:26
like looking at the day and going am i
69:28
making the most of it am i doing enough
69:30
with it what did i want to do today i
69:32
think partly
69:33
it comes from
69:36
i think it comes it’s a sort of
69:40
little i’m i’m letting myself off the
69:42
hook a little bit here but but not
69:43
entirely
69:44
i think it’s a bit of an anxiety born
69:47
out of
69:48
the fact that i’ve spent so many years
69:51
having
69:52
so much of my time scheduled out
69:56
and having a business that’s so
69:59
demanding
70:00
that a weekend becomes
70:04
this even a day on a weekend becomes
70:07
this really sacred
70:09
special time because i know what’s
70:11
coming on monday
70:13
and so because i know that it’s so
70:17
sacred and special to have that time
70:20
that’s just for me i then have a
70:23
tendency to
70:24
overthink the
70:27
making the most of it i’m so eager
70:30
to get the most out of it because it’s
70:32
just for me
70:34
that i that eagerness to get the most
70:37
out of it can
70:38
trigger that kind of anxiety where i’m
70:40
like am i
70:42
you know am i having a saturday am i get
70:44
like is this a is
70:45
it’s like my mind goes is this the
70:47
greatest saturday ever
70:48
are we doing it are we having a great
70:50
saturday and
70:52
um and i have to like be like be like
70:55
it’s all right
70:56
we’re just we’re having a nice day relax
70:59
you’re all good it’s okay yeah it’s
71:03
almost you’re
71:03
you’re like a maximizer instead of a
71:06
satisficer
71:07
you know in your you’re about like are
71:10
we doing it
71:10
am i doing relaxing at a nine or a ten
71:13
instead of like
71:14
am i just satisfied with hey let’s put
71:17
on a film that i’d like to watch tonight
71:19
and that’s
71:20
a tick you know that’s that’s a good
71:23
thing
71:23
harry harry our younger brother harry is
71:25
the complete
71:27
opposite he is like harry is the most
71:31
present chilled
71:34
person he’s like he is the he’s
71:37
so laid back like he’s really good at
71:41
just
71:41
enjoying things and that i really admire
71:45
that
71:45
in harry i think you and i learn from
71:48
harry
71:48
and our cousin billy where we see that
71:51
they are
71:52
more in the moment me and you are more
71:55
analytical
71:56
more um thinking constantly trying to
71:59
think ahead of things
72:00
uh you know maybe trying to optimize
72:03
certain things and
72:04
i think they they have the chill gene
72:08
willow bark says you’re matt you’re
72:10
putting too much pressure on yourself
72:12
oh welcome to my mind
72:16
that is yeah let’s get out come on let’s
72:19
really get old matt hussey out let’s
72:21
sit down for four hours now
72:23
[Laughter]
72:25
yeah where do you want to get started
72:26
but look steve you know everyone’s got
72:28
their thing
72:29
that’s that is true
72:32
you put a lot of pressure on yourself or
72:34
for everything
72:35
yeah and that’s that is that does cut
72:38
that can make me hard to be around
72:40
and it’s why i need to like i i need to
72:43
be around people who
72:45
i have lots of driven friends but i also
72:47
i just like being around people who you
72:50
know have a different attitude than me
72:52
and sometimes take it all a bit less
72:54
seriously than i do because it reminds
72:56
me oh yeah well look i’m a maniac
72:58
you know i could see i if i don’t hang
73:01
here’s one of the things i’ve realized
73:03
steve
73:03
if i spend too much time with myself i
73:06
start to think that
73:08
i i it’s always important to me to never
73:11
lose sight of
73:12
how i’m mental of how i’m a maniac
73:16
and that sometimes can only be seen in
73:18
contrast
73:19
to like other people and
73:22
you realize like like sometimes i’ll
73:25
beat myself up in a week for things
73:27
that you know when i see like you know
73:30
hang out with a friend and they’ll be
73:31
like they’ll tell me about what they’re
73:32
going through that week and i’ll be like
73:35
oh my god like you get perspective on
73:38
how hard you’re being on yourself
73:39
because you realize
73:40
they messed up this too and they screwed
73:42
up that and they’re having
73:44
like i’m like oh god i’m it’s crazy how
73:47
hard i’m being on myself
73:49
uh but that’s my default like people
73:51
don’t realize that steve the reason i
73:53
the one of the reasons i’m so passionate
73:55
about self-love
73:56
and self-forgiveness and how we treat
73:59
ourselves
74:00
is because that’s something that i’ve
74:02
worked on a lot in my life
74:04
and continue to it’s not because i’ve
74:08
got
74:08
that like that’s something i’ve always
74:10
had figured out and now i’m going to
74:11
show the world how to do it
74:14
like that’s something that like it was
74:17
so funny
74:18
that we had an interview recently where
74:20
someone said to me like
74:22
do you do you think that like
74:25
you’re like it’s all these vulnerable
74:26
people that are coming to you i was like
74:28
whoa
74:30
put if put me in that box
74:34
if you’re gonna if you’re gonna say that
74:36
people coming to me are like
74:38
vulnerable or they have problems or
74:41
whatever
74:42
put me right in there with them because
74:44
i’m
74:45
i’m there like i’m in the trenches like
74:48
all the things that i talk about
74:49
i need to so this
74:52
idea of like you know
74:56
the vulnerable i’m like what are you
74:58
talking about i i am
74:59
i am that person i was go
75:02
like i was 14 years old reading these
75:05
books
75:06
i was 18 years old 20 years old already
75:09
going to events
75:10
and and visiting seminars trying to work
75:13
out my own
75:14
so like it always i always find it
75:16
unbelievably patronizing when people
75:19
talk in
75:19
that tone because i’m like well hang on
75:22
if you’re going to insult other people
75:23
you better
75:24
insult me too because i’m
75:28
i do the work that i’m talking about i’m
75:30
doing that work
75:33
yeah yeah well you’ve always tried to
75:35
like read books
75:36
self-improve learn from other people
75:40
go to events yeah
75:43
for sure for sure
75:52
apples says are they cousins we’re
75:53
brothers
75:55
stephen and i are brothers
76:00
for better for worse we’re stuck
76:03
together baby
76:09
rabbi i love what you’re saying matthew
76:10
you’re speaking my language
76:12
well i’m i’m glad avery says i find it
76:16
so awesome when you curse
76:17
i’m trying to curse less this year i
76:20
actually have
76:21
i think i’ve cut down my cursing by like
76:23
70 percent but every once in a while it
76:25
feels real good to just
76:26
it actually i say this steve it feels
76:29
real nice to throw one in when you
76:30
haven’t been doing it for a while
76:32
oh yeah oh yeah you really you really
76:35
get the juice out of it when you haven’t
76:37
cursed in a minute
76:39
it’s like a little treat
76:44
someone says what mbi mbti type is
76:47
stephen uh i
76:48
am intp which is quite a highly
76:52
analytical type
76:54
i think shared by einstein and darwin so
76:58
am i a bit like those guys
77:01
i don’t think anyone’s saying that i ask
77:04
the question
77:05
yeah but it’s not so i think that’s the
77:09
logician i think it’s very analytical
77:12
victoria says having kids will change
77:13
your focus some
77:15
it’s a it’s a big thing that’s like a
77:18
big
77:19
thing to do to change your focus
77:22
but i agree i have no doubt about that
77:29
love apples says what zodiac signs are
77:31
you guys
77:35
well someone already knew it here they
77:36
said libra and they were right so
77:38
i i don’t know maybe what does that say
77:41
about you steve that you’re a libra
77:44
well what’s it say about them that they
77:46
knew is there a star sign where you can
77:47
read minds because maybe they’ve got a
77:49
very
77:50
very powerful one um
77:53
other people can tell me what libras do
77:55
i i hear different things all the time i
77:57
remember reading one horoscope once and
77:59
it just said how libras
78:01
are really sociable and then i went nope
78:03
and then i didn’t bother reading any
78:04
further
78:09
like i’ll stick with myers briggs for
78:10
now this isn’t working for me
78:13
that’s funny i’m a gemini
78:17
but um that’s about the extent of my
78:20
knowledge or interest in star science
78:24
star signs it’s no point having a go at
78:26
star signs because they’re just a game
78:28
people like playing it’s like another
78:30
game people like playing it’s just a
78:33
you know it’s another i realized i’ve
78:36
realized that
78:37
most people who talk about star signs
78:41
don’t really believe in star signs
78:44
they just enjoy the the fun of it they
78:46
enjoy the sort of
78:48
it’s like a little activity that you get
78:50
to i know some people are very much into
78:53
it but most people i think when you quiz
78:54
them they’re just like
78:55
if you you quiz them to the point where
78:57
they just go i just enjoy it i just
78:59
think
78:59
it’s just fun to look it up and i go oh
79:03
all right then
79:03
that’s fine yeah some people say the
79:07
myers-briggs one is is all pseudoscience
79:09
so
79:09
i don’t know it’s but that one does at
79:11
least come from questions you answer
79:13
yourself
79:14
so at least it you cannot compare
79:15
myers-briggs to star signs
79:19
oh no but people’s yeah because at least
79:20
you answer questions on myers-briggs so
79:22
you
79:23
you you self-report self-diagnosed it’s
79:26
not
79:27
it’s not someone saying because you’re
79:29
not at this time of year this is what
79:31
you’re like
79:32
right you could argue that there aren’t
79:34
only 16 or 32 personality types like
79:37
myers-briggs says you could argue
79:39
against the
79:40
classification but it does have your
79:42
input
79:46
um hits 236 says
79:50
thank you for saying that living in la
79:51
people’s take star signs
79:53
so literally it’s quite funny how that’s
79:57
so regional isn’t it it’s quite funny
79:59
how la has a very specific
80:02
association la attracts believers of all
80:06
kinds
80:07
in all different things steve louis and
80:10
i were once walking past a yoga studio
80:14
that does sound healing sound baths
80:18
i don’t i’ve never done it extinct i’ve
80:20
only ever done one sound bath in my life
80:22
which was on this day
80:23
so i have no comment on sound baths but
80:26
we got invited in because it was a sort
80:28
of new yoga studio and they went you
80:30
want to come and
80:30
we were looking in the window because it
80:32
looked like a really cool space they
80:33
were like do you want to come in and
80:34
have a complimentary sound bath
80:37
so i went all right
80:40
and they brought me and lewis in and we
80:42
sat down
80:44
oh i go so the guy is so this guy comes
80:48
over
80:48
with that big australian instrument the
80:51
didgeridoo
80:54
and i mean if you’ve not seen a
80:56
didgeridoo before
80:57
it’s he the most it must be the most
81:02
frustrating instrument to play when
81:04
you’ve got a lug that everywhere
81:06
because it’s it this guy was big and it
81:08
was as big as him
81:10
and it extends all the way from his
81:12
mouth down to the ground
81:14
and he’s holding it’s like giant pipe
81:17
and he’s got this didgeridoo one woman’s
81:21
got these sound bowls
81:22
that she’s just like she’s mixing on the
81:24
sound bowls
81:26
do they did they make noise yeah like
81:30
[Music]
81:33
that was not bad so she’s doing that and
81:36
he’s got the didgeridoo
81:38
and he goes um and for anyone lin you
81:42
ask what sound bath is i suppose it’s
81:44
sort of designed to put you in a certain
81:47
state by hearing noises that
81:49
calm you or heal you or whatever i mean
81:52
look
81:53
nice sounds are nice so i have no doubt
81:55
that they can have some kind of
81:57
therapeutic impact but anyway he
82:00
was uh he i go to him
82:04
steve is this the most la thing you’ve
82:05
ever heard i go
82:07
should i lie down or should i sit down
82:10
bear in mind this is my first
82:11
sound bath he goes
82:15
uh no i’m gonna need you to to sit on
82:17
sit down cross-legged
82:19
so that i can play the ditch right into
82:21
your heart
82:25
i’d i mean that’s a sentence but
82:29
firstly
82:32
a didgeridoo isn’t nearly enough of a
82:36
common instrument for you to abbreviate
82:38
it
82:40
you saying dige about an instrument that
82:43
i’ve only ever seen in person once in my
82:45
life
82:46
is i don’t know what world you’re living
82:49
in
82:49
where casually everyone’s just playing
82:52
the ditch
82:53
to the extent that you can call it a
82:55
ditch but it’s not my world
82:57
just grab my ditch i’m just going to
83:00
play the dige right into your heart
83:03
does he press it onto your chest i’m
83:07
sitting there louis is next to me we’re
83:09
both cross-legged
83:12
and this this guy while this one woman’s
83:15
like she’s on the balls
83:16
right she’s she’s mixing the the one
83:18
twos on the balls
83:20
then he’s he’s there with the ditch
83:24
pressed up against my chest just playing
83:26
it into my
83:28
heart stephen is it vibe are you
83:31
vibrating
83:32
vibrating with the sound yeah it felt
83:34
quite it did feel
83:36
sort of weird and nice but
83:41
but steve does this story end with you
83:43
saying and
83:44
it’s the best thing in my life right now
83:46
these sound bars
83:48
no it was my first and f and and i won’t
83:50
say last
83:51
but it was my first and only sound bath
83:55
and and then but they took a picture of
83:58
us
83:59
and put it online like what
84:03
i thought that was a bit of a violation
84:05
steve
84:07
because i was i had my eyes closed i’m
84:08
having the ditch played into my heart
84:10
which dare i say is a private thing
84:14
that felt like a personal moment and
84:16
next thing i know
84:17
it’s on bloody instagram tagged matthew
84:19
hussey having the ditch played into his
84:21
heart
84:22
matthew hussey and lewis howes give the
84:24
soundbar
84:25
the thumbs up that’s the thing you can’t
84:28
bring someone in to a
84:30
free sound bath and then put up a
84:32
picture as if they’re endorsing
84:34
sound baths you’ve given me a free trial
84:37
you’ve given me a free trial you’ve you
84:40
you’ve had me close my eyes so i now
84:42
have no idea what’s going on
84:44
and then you’ve ambushed me with i’m now
84:47
missed a soundbot i’m a poster boy for
84:49
sound baths
84:51
i mean you’re digital you’re joking
84:53
about them but turns out they’re
84:54
incredibly savvy
84:56
they’re incredibly savvy marketers
84:59
that’s true
85:00
that’s true they saw us coming
85:04
um well
85:08
do you think we’re should we wrap this
85:10
up
85:12
yeah but there’s a lot of people who
85:14
have no idea
85:15
what butter coffee is and people have
85:17
still mentioned it half an hour later
85:19
they think you’re insane they think
85:21
you’re utterly insane it sounds like me
85:23
saying
85:24
i wake up in the morning and have my
85:25
butter coffee is if people
85:27
thought i sounded and looked mildly like
85:30
harry potter before
85:31
that’s like put it over the edge it
85:34
sounds it sounds like something you’d
85:36
get in diagon alley
85:38
harry you forgot your butter coffee by
85:41
the way i realized
85:42
diagon alley it must have been
85:45
intentional i must be the probably the
85:46
last one to this realization but
85:48
diagonally is is that what that’s what
85:51
they were doing
85:52
that’s it got it interesting um well
85:55
yeah uh it’s butter coffee is
85:59
black coffee with
86:03
ghee butter which is butter that’s had
86:07
the
86:08
dairy removed from it essentially i
86:11
think
86:12
what’s it had removed from it the
86:14
lactose i think it’s had
86:15
the lactose removed from it and it’s
86:18
been
86:19
it’s a reduction of some kind steve i’m
86:22
not sure
86:24
um but it’s ghee butter
86:27
and mct oil
86:30
all blended together to make this sort
86:33
of
86:33
fatty buttery coffee that you can do
86:37
during intermittent fasting so the whole
86:41
point
86:41
is that if you’re doing intermittent
86:43
fasting which i do from like 10 a.m to 7
86:46
p.m but you get hungry before 10 a.m
86:49
especially if you’re waking
86:50
up early at five or six then you tend to
86:52
get hungry in those hours before 10 a.m
86:54
you can have this coffee while you’re
86:58
fasting it’s sort of called a bullet
87:00
bulletproof coffee but you you can have
87:02
it while you’re fasting and it gives you
87:04
the sort of
87:05
because it’s high in fat but
87:08
low in um calories
87:12
i believe so there’s someone who is on
87:14
this that knows far more about it than i
87:16
do
87:16
um because it because of that you
87:20
are satiating yourself in some way it
87:22
curbs the hunger
87:23
and it makes you feel like you’re having
87:24
something um
87:26
even while you’re fasting well i love it
87:29
i love a judged up drink
87:30
so i would probably really enjoy it i’ll
87:32
make you one i’m i’m i’ll make you one
87:34
when i get home you’ll really like it
87:36
bring all your point bring all your
87:38
potions and we’ll mix up a little harry
87:40
potter
87:41
butter coffee someone in the chat called
87:43
it butt hurt coffee
87:46
that’s funny that’s how you feel once
87:49
you’ve been fasting for 12 hours
87:51
but hurt you drinking your coffee
87:53
speaking of which steve i haven’t eaten
87:55
today
87:55
and it’s one o’clock in the afternoon
87:57
and i am pretty famished
87:59
so i’m going to go and eat but uh thanks
88:02
everyone for being here what what did
88:04
like to spend some time with you
88:06
on a saturday i’m actually amazed how
88:09
busy the chat has been
88:10
and you know thanks guys for coming to
88:12
join us i i didn’t
88:13
like there’s been a constant scroll of
88:15
comments going in and
88:16
i i wasn’t sure what to expect but it’s
88:19
been a delight and
88:20
thank you for sticking with us yeah we
88:24
very much appreciate it and uh
88:27
look forward to seeing you again very
88:30
soon
88:31
uh have a great weekend for the rest of
88:34
it
88:34
and we’ll see you next time we love you
88:36
guys
88:37
uh yeah
88:41
first first of many i hope steve
88:44
so steve you go and enjoy your weekend
88:46
as well mate
88:48
yeah don’t worry mate got got my butter
88:50
i’ll just eat a stick of butter and then
88:52
bitten down a coffee all right
88:56
guys take care we’ll see you cheers
89:21
you

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Photo credit: Screenshot from video

 

The post Choosing the Right Relationship, Escaping Toxic Mindsets and Butter Coffee [Video] appeared first on The Good Men Project.


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