In a world where superheroes dominate the box office and graphic novels line our bookshelves, we often daydream about what it would be like to possess extraordinary powers. We’ve all imagined flying like Superman, wielding Thor’s mighty hammer, or becoming invisible to avoid those uncomfortable everyday situations. But what if we told you that there’s a whole range of, let’s say, unconventional superpowers that exist in the real world but never make the cut? The ones that won’t save the planet but might earn you a few laughs or raised eyebrows? Well, my fellow superhumans-in-waiting, this blog post is all about that.
We spent more time than we should have reading this thread where people revealed their useless superpowers, no matter how silly or freaking cool they may be. We collected the best responses and compiled a list of superpowers that are equal parts quirky and comical, showcasing the unique abilities and strange talents that make some humans wonderfully weird. From an uncanny ability to predict time with scary precision to a strong sense of hearing that allows you to listen to two conversations at a time, these unusual skills may not be on par with the X-Men. Still, they’re sure to make these people the talk of the town… or at least of their group of friends.
In an era that celebrates superhumans as deities, it’s time to give the limelight to the underdogs and their peculiar powers. We scoured all corners of the thread to find the most amusing and captivating superpower confessions. So, strap on your metaphorical capes and get ready to discover a treasure trove of hilariously useless abilities that may not save the world but will undoubtedly make it a more interesting place. From the bizarre to the downright side-splitting, this list of superpowers will remind you that sometimes, being ordinary is truly extraordinary.
#1
"I can read really fast, hard to prove to people though and if I get into a real flow people just think I'm flicking through a book too quick and don't believe me.I read so fast that if I read out loud I trip over the words on the page, I'm reading them in my head faster than saying them so I'm always a few words behind. In my head though yeah it just flows like water."
Image credits: RaedwaldRex
#2
TorchFlower said:"My daughter says she can choose what she is going to dream about every night.
She describes it as having a few scenes to choose from and she picks one. She was amazed that nobody else in the family could do this. She thought it was normal."
Silv0r replied:
"Wow, this is the best superpower and anything but useless! I'm very envious and super happy for your daughter too! It's called lucid dreaming and I've been trying to do that all my life. She needs to hold on to it! It is a gift. I have only lucid dreamed 1-2 times in my whole life where I could control it like a director."
#3
"Cats love me. I've had cats come running out of side streets and houses just to say hello and get some scritches. Outdoor cats who have never interacted with me before let me pick them up, and if my partner wasn't allergic I would have adopted an army of strays who just followed me home by now.And it's actually not completely useless - I work as a cat sitter."
Image credits: Einhorn_Apokalypse
#4
OB1KENOB said:"I can remember things I did when I was 8 months old."
-Roast-Toast- replied:
"I can forget things I did 8 minutes ago."
#5
Desperate-Acadia7438 said:"Not me but my mom, if they have leftovers she can pick the exact right container it’ll fit into perfectly. It’s magical."
Rodyland replied:
"I have the exact opposite of this ability. No matter what, the container I choose is always the wrong size. If I try to play it off against itself and pick a different container before putting food in it, then the original container will have been the right size after all."
Image credits: Desperate-Acadia7438
#6
"I can wakeup to 5-1 minutes before the alarm goes off."
Image credits: saadmangube
#7
"(This is from actual medical/psych professionals.) I have very high observational vigilance and extremely fast information processing speed.This can and has been extremely useful for a lot of my gal friends. If they were ever in doubt about a dude (couldn't decide if his behavior was problematic or not) they'd introduce me and watch if I reacted negatively to them.
It's useless because when you have this starting a young age it can REALLY screw you up. You start getting flooded with noticing other people's negative reactions around you when you're too young to understand that they're not because of you. F*cks up your self esteem and is a recipe for chronic depression that translates into chronic social anxiety. I'm ok now, all handled and taken care of as an adult."
#8
MikeT75 said:"When I have to wrap multiple food items in aluminum foil, I have the super ability to pull my next sheet of foil and cut it to exactly to the same length and size as the last sheet, creating a stack of perfectly matching foil sheets. It amazes no one but me, and makes for a terrible party trick."
OG_ninnyhammer replied:
"That’s the most useful useless thing I’ve ever heard. Good on you."
#9
Musasabi_King said:"I have an extremely strong sense of hearing, but people think I'm hard of hearing because I can't hear them when there's any kind of background noise."
illianae replied:
"I have this too. Its like my hearing gets overflowed with information and I can't choose to not hear things. Nothing ever gets to the background noise setting."
#10
"The last place I worked I could tell who had already arrived at work before me that morning by the smell(s) in the elevator. There was only one elevator as it was a small building. Kinda gross, but I freaked out a coworker because I was always right."
Image credits: Dinner-is-Ruined
#11
Adkit said:"Severe aphantasia. Only a small percent of people with aphantasia have complete aphantasia and I'm one of those s*ckers.
I cannot picture things in my mind. At all. It's pitch black, and it never changes. Apparently, you mutants can just close your eyes and imagine whatever you want like some sort of hallucination. I don't even fully understand how that would look..."
JoeBoco7 replied:
I’m on the complete opposite end with hyperphantasia. My imagination is extremely vivid, it feels more real than real. My favorite thing to do is to create new episodes of my favorite shows and just watch it in my head.
#12
"I can cook minute rice in 58 seconds."#13
"Animals tend to like me more than the other people around. Found that out in my early thirties. Since then I now have my second dog. I'm able to form a deep bond to animals in a short amount of time. Sometimes dogs meet me and won't leave my side, even when the owner is shouting for them.I would never say it's useless but I have several negative issues in my life that I would like to lose instead of being the animal friend."
Image credits: Trumpassassin777
#14
"I am a trivia savant.'There's many things you can do with that.'
Yeah, win $20 off of bar tabs at pub trivia.
Otherwise, I never had finger dexterity to be a 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire' contestant, and got third when I was on Jeopardy and won $1000.
Not bitter."
Image credits: BakedTatter
#15
"I have an amazing memory for song lyrics. Every once in a while this helps my team win pub trivia."#16
"My daughter has a parking fairy, basically she can pull into a shopping centre carpark and someone will pull out in front of her so she can park.My mother-in-law had the same power."
Image credits: daftvaderV2
#17
"I can tell you exactly what episode of Golden Girls is coming on based on the first 10 seconds of the episode."
Image credits: Nurse2e
#18
"I have no object permanence, and it also works on people. Basically, if I don't see people often enough I just forget them."#19
"I can always tell the correct time, within 5 minutes, without looking at a clock. I just know, ya know?"#20
Ryborg6900 said:"I can clear my mind and go up to five minutes without a single thought."
RaedwaldRex replied:
"That's something I can never seem to do. People say clear your mind and all that happens is my mind fills with ways and ideas on how can I clear my mind."
#21
"Finding 4 leaf clovers. I also have some 5 and 6 leaf ones. I just seem to have an eye for spotting the ones that don't match the pattern, and will find at least one on every country walk."
Image credits: alancake
#22
"I've never really told anyone this before, but I think I remember being born. I've had these 'memories' my whole life. I'm in a completely enclosed space, with the space touching my skin and whole body, but not claustrophobic. Then there are moments where it's smooth, and then all... crunched up? Like a smooth piece of aluminum foil, then it's all wrinkled, then smooth again. It's dark, but also my eyes aren't open or closed. Sometimes I'll get this memory when I'm falling asleep. I can't think of anything else it could be."#23
Positive-Source8205 said:"I can find the slowest checkout line at the grocery store."
Silv0r replied:
"Haha that's something we all have in common! Never change your first impulse decision. I always regret the change of a queue."
fkenthrowaway replied:
"The trick is to always go to the one with the least amount of old people. I try to approximate the average age of a line and go to the lowest."
Image credits: Positive-Source8205
#24
"Making a woman love me.Plot twist: I’m gay."
#25
"I can walk into a crowd of people and it naturally disperses. Have had this since high school, told my buddies-they laughed at me, until I walked onto a dance floor and soon had a 4ft open circle around me. They became believers. To be clear, I shower daily, wash and launder my clothes weekly, practice good hygiene, etc. I literally just walk into a crowd, and it disperses. Just did it last week at my local mall—started laughing and said, 'Shoulda video’ed it for the boys.'"#26
"I used to know when the phone (land line) would ring. I would go over the phone and wait a few seconds to pick it up before it rung. My mother was baffled by it and I also didn't understand why. Hasn't happened for the past 14 years now."
Image credits: TheArtOfVEL
#27
vagabond1022 said:"I can tell the day of the week of any day in the year just by knowing two things: the day of the week of January 1st, and the year's number."
Briffy03 replied:
"We all could do that easily if humanity just decided to go for a 13 month, each with exactly 28 days, all starting with a Monday and ending with a Sunday, and 1 free party day each year. All would be perfectly nice, and humanity could have a one single day off we could just celebrate 'humanity-day' on."
Image credits: vagabond1022
#28
"I'm fantastic at killing flies and mosquitos by clapping them with my hands. Almost never miss."#29
explosivepro said:"Ability to focus on an incredibly boring and repetitive task for hours with no incentive."
Godzilla1282 replied:
"Ah. An Old School Runescape player."
#30
One_Eyed_Kitten said:"I can move through time, but only into the future and only 1 second at a time."
Ok-Disk-2191 replied:
"I can do this also, but I've learnt that if you drink alcohol it can slow or speed time down or up."
#31
"Wrapping presents."
Image credits: matt79361
#32
"Being able to work continuously to the point where my perception of time might make 8 hours seem like 30 minutes AND I get my work done to clock out on time."
Image credits: Rangeless
#33
"I can remember and draw the floor plan of every place I’ve lived since the house I lived in until I was four years old. I can do this for the many different apartments I lived in for several years after college and could probably draw the floor plans for most of my friends’ houses and many of the houses I have looked at when house hunting."#34
"My useless super power is being double jointed in my ankles to the point I can turn both my feet around facing backwards. I was given the nickname crazy legs by a few of my classmates in high school. Its useless cuz not only does it freak people out, sometimes scaring off the more faint of heart but i stopped doing it entirely because the older I get it becomes a bit mire painful when I do it though I'm still definitely able to do pull it off. Most people my age aren't impressed and honestly in hindsight teenagers are impresses by dumb crap like what I'm able to do. Adult life isn't about impressing anyone but yourself or potential employers. More importantly life isn't a popularity contest."#35
"I can move my ears on command."#36
seratoninsgone said:"If I drop something by accident, I always somehow make the right decision to either move my foot out of the way or try and catch it with my foot."
Silv0r replied:
"The things I SHOULD catch (eggs, babies, you name it) I miss and fail badly. But things I should just let go (a 20 kg server, knife, mother-in-law), I always try to catch, haha."
#37
"I fix tech just by being there. I've lost count of the amount of times my wife/kids/students where I teach will shout 'it doesn't work', to which I walk over, inevitably causing whatever didn't work to start working again.Spoiler: I just make sure they were doing what they wanted to do properly and make them read any error messages."
#38
"I swear to god almighty I can sense death. When either someone close to me, or a very well known public figure (celebrity, politician, etc) is about to die, I can feel it. I can’t explain the feeling further than a spidey sense. I know it when I feel it, and moments after I feel it, someone f*cking dies. Either naturally or in a freak accident. I know this doesn’t sound useless, but it happens so quickly that I would have no time to do anything about it, therefore, useless. Other than being an early detection system I guess."#39
"I'm pretty good at minimizing crumbs whilst eating a crumbly cookie."#40
"I can listen to two conversations at once."#41
Hamburrgergirl said:"I have accurately predicted two deaths and a birth hours before they happened. Not the craziest thing but just kind of weird."
Silv0r replied:
"Yeah that's kinda scary! So please don't tell me when I'll die or get a child. I bet you have a small black note book. Is your real name Light Yagami?"
#42
"I'm an ear rumbler. If I hear something I don't like I can make a thunder sound in my ear holes."#43
Fair_Ad1512 said:"I can grab stuff with my feet. Even chopsticks!"
Silv0r replied:
"But can you eat sushi with the chopsticks you're holding with your feet? Would love to hear your results haha."
#44
CailenBelmont said:"I can pee in my dream without wetting myself."
Silv0r replied:
"I can't even do it awake. If I'm thinking about peeing it will just start with the flow... can't stop. Won't stop.
Scene from Scary Movie 2 comes in my head"
#45
"I can touch the cavity behind the uvula with the tip of my tongue.It's only useful to more easily determine if I'm sick, as when I'm sick, that part feels more tender/inflamed."
#46
"I can elicit an angry response from my wife without trying."#47
"I can stop hiccups whenever I can with enough concentration."#48
"There is an 'adult store' on the way to my in laws and my SO and I always guess how many cars will be in the parking lot. I am almost always right or one off. It’s uncanny."#49
"My husband can build a perfect snowman in Animal Crossing every time. No tricks or guides, he just knows."
Image credits: popjunkie42
#50
"I'm unable to spill grape juice.Like, I literally dropped a whole damn glass of it on a white carpet once and it all stayed in that damn glass."
#51
"I've trained myself to see into the third dimension. It's 'useless' because everybody who isn't missing an eye can do it naturally."#52
"I have a astounding lazy eye I can use to stare to people in the eyes at once."#53
"You know that scene in Big Bang Theory where it's all Sheldon's personalities in his head having a meeting. Instead of that every role I've ever played (dnd character, role in a musical, etc.), it is permanently stuck in my head. Sometimes, I go into a British accent just because I've played a British character."#54
"In war fighting games I know the perfect angle to shot planes down without missing a single shot."
Image credits: PayNo1671
#55
"I can tell when a dog needs to poop. This includes dogs other than my own, and I can call it anywhere from a few seconds before the deed all the way up to a few minutes. It’s a blessing, and a curse."#56
Real-Life-CSI-Guy said:"I can predict the future, but only when I’m joking about the prediction (like it has to be a joke where I’m not even thinking about it might be true, I can’t make a joke to try and manifest the future.)"
Silv0r replied:
"So let me get this straight... you can only predict the future when you're joking about it, and not even intentionally trying to make the prediction come true.
That's like saying you're a superhero, but you only have powers when you're not trying to use them.
Talk about a useless talent man, haha! You're awesome."
#57
"I'm colourblind, so I can see all things in a different perspective than others. But I'm the only one so..."#58
"I somehow can remember random things about celebrities. I'm not particularly interested in celebrities, and it's rare that I look up anything about them. Yet somehow just random details I see on like the cover of a magazine in the checkout line of the grocery store, or something I overhear at a bar, I'll remember for years, but only about this one specific niche topic, so it's not like a real eidetic memory.People tend to think I'm super into pop culture as a result of this random knowledge all the time. Completely useless."