Five or ten years from now, you could be at a check-out line in the grocery store reflecting on your dating life. The shopper next to you might see you smile, cringe, or watch a brisk hand wipe tears away.
Whether you are single, married, divorced, or lost, moments of reflection are inevitable. How you feel during this time depends on your earlier decisions.
Love is about hormones, emotions, and timing. It’s also about what you see as acceptable right now. Your opinions on love today play a role in your relationship status later. If you’re ready to open your mind to the idea of a different future self, keep reading.
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1. Quit Early
“Games usually make your life more interesting, not always in a good way. Games are a source of attention, drama, action and intrigue. This makes it difficult to quit them.” — kuote.us
The approach you take to loving someone sets the pace of the relationship and how it progresses. I ghosted a guy when the pandemic started and now he has his first child. They look happy. He doesn’t even notice me anymore. His focus is on his kid, his girlfriend, and their future.
Had he played games with me? He could not be thinking long term. He would wait around for my text rather than focusing on creating a good life for his son. If you know you want kids or marriage, think long term. Your thoughts give you the energy and strength to choose the people who serve you.
It will no longer be about shooting your shot until you score. Nope. If you want a stable, healthy love life, consider the qualities you want in a life partner. Look at the romantic interests in your life (past and present) — do they have these characteristics? Kindle a bond with this person.
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2. Choose Yourself
The dating guide told you to ignore your instincts and follow proven strategies to get a woman or man. These tricks did work for people before you. And humans have behavior commonalities. So, it might work for you too. But we’re not in the nineties anymore. You cannot hack your way to your goals because others have a similar blueprint.
When people swipe right, it is because something about you excites them. You seem different. The “swiper” is looking for ex-like traits to avoid making a mistake twice. They hope to find a spark that doesn’t feel like their usual type.
You “should do this”; is a quick way to be average and friend-zoned. Confine yourself within fewer boxes to be yourself with confidence. Self-acceptance aids your ability to keep putting yourself out there.
“So stay true to your own nature. If you like to do things in a slow and steady way, don’t let others make you feel as if you have to race. If you enjoy depth, don’t force yourself to seek breadth. If you prefer single-tasking to multi-tasking, stick to your guns. Being relatively unmoved by rewards gives you the incalculable power to go your own way. — Susan Cain”
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3. Throw a Hammer at the Clock
Your goals will determine the love you accept. A life plan of getting married by thirty can have you wondering what’s wrong with you when it does not happen. A vision of being happy when you get married could make the wait less burdensome. Life is short. It is too brief to force yourself into sad situations you thought were right for you.
Most people focus on status symbols like a ring. They don’t notice that someone is fulfilling their needs in the present.
I judged my friend’s aunt for having kids out of wedlock. I criticized her (in my mind) for having a courtroom wedding after her kids had grown. But she is happy. Loved, and someone commits to her. If you know your partner has similar life goals as yours, keep building with them. Focus on what makes you happy and feel appreciated now.
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4. Spend Time or Money on the Intangibles
One day, you will look back on your dates with regret or fondness. There’s one item I treasure more than anything experiences. These never perish. You can’t resell them or burn with envy at the thought of exes keeping them either. If you fight on a couple’s trip, try to have one positive experience at the location.
This memory can help you not be bitter about the time spent with an ex.
It can also help you get over them. How? Because your mind loves to remember the good parts of relationships. You may also reflect on the good times you had with yourself and choose you rather than run back to your ex.
5. Develop your resilience
Everyone (except narcissists) has a day where they think of themselves as average. Or a failure. But if you cannot get past the feeling, you become that person. One or several “no, thank you” texts are an indication you are taking action. It’s also a sign to try different tactics, apps, or self-development advice.
Take away the lessons and positives from rejection. They are an opportunity to be “the one” who got away. It’s hard to try again if you don’t think you have a chance.
Thank you for reading.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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The post 5 Smart Decisions That’ll Enhance Your Love Life appeared first on The Good Men Project.