5 Low Key Signs of Men Who Trap Women in Relationships

 

No one saw it coming.

We were so deeply engulfed in the heat of the moment that there was no way we could have anticipated how things would change in the coming years.

She was no ordinary gal, this one. I know because I witnessed every single milestone in her life.

I was there when we graduated, when she bagged that kick-ass job and when she announced her engagement to Malcolm.

That one, especially, I recall. Why? Because I was a tad bit jealous.

We all were.

Before you judge me, show me a twenty-year-old who doesn’t want to end up with the “It” guy in the school.

Malcolm was IT.

In case you don’t know who the “It” guy is, that guy commands presence and respect from everyone around him. He sets trends.

No one appoints him the leader, but everyone follows him without question.

The weird part?

He’s usually a paradox. Nothing so special about him. Not the looks. Not the money. Not the brains.

Nothing you can attribute to his popularity. Yet, girls are attracted to him like moths to light.

That was Malcolm for you.

And guess what? He chose my girl, Jade.

Yes, plain Jade with her drab fashion sense and thick glasses. (Sorry, Jade)

Human attraction is an unfathomable force.

Anyway, everyone and their dog made it to the grand wedding. But in just one short year, a different wind started to blow.

What many didn’t anticipate was how this day would elicit ripples that would continue to affect the lives of these two people for years.

Too many truths started to float to the surface over the years.

It turns out we weren’t delusional in thinking something was off with the whole arrangement.

Turns out the “It” guy was not the person we thought he was.

Hint: Beneath the veil of popularity, there’s always something that smells awful.

Fast forward; Malcolm and Jade’s love story is nothing but a memory in a distant past.

It’s now evident that Malcolm wanted to trap Jade and convert her into his plaything. A toy he could manipulate at will.

Jade’s story isn’t isolated.

Too many women find themselves with men who want to own them, and breaking away can be very difficult.

So today, let’s borrow a leaf from Jade’s sad story so we know what to watch out for next time we meander on the dating scene.

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They fly off the handle at the slightest trigger.

One time, Jade booked a movie for both of them but forgot to let him know she had changed the venue.

When he left work, he drove straight to the shopping mall he thought she had booked the movie. Only to realize it wasn’t the right place.

It was a slight misunderstanding.

One she apologized for, one that could happen to anyone. But this didn’t stop hell from breaking loose.

This man would have eaten her head if he could.

What followed was a series of insulting texts from here to Timbuktu.

You’re looking at a classic example of a person who can’t handle their emotions.

People who trap women want to be in control always. Whenever they feel threatened, they react to the slightest whiff of stimuli in the most exaggerated way.

The lack of control causes them pain, and they usually take any action necessary to alleviate their pain, including hurting their victims.

And make no mistake, they know they’re hurting you. They just don’t care.

…

They fall in “love” too fast and too intensely.

I’m talking about professing undying love in the first month or so.

In hindsight, I should have known something was off when Jade said Malcolm had told her he was in love after only a month of dating.

Remember, Jade wasn’t one of the popular girls in college- so it’s not like she revolved around his social circle. They didn’t interact much until they started dating, which would explain our surprise — which was more like a shock, to be honest.

And when I say this guy was in “love,” he really was.

He dropped everything else in his life like a sack of rotten potatoes, and Jade became his sole mission. He became her shadow — there 24/7.

I’m talking lunch breaks, weekends, and school hours. The poor girl couldn’t breathe!

If you can’t already see it, there’s something very wrong with this picture.

And it’s called control.

He wanted to be around her to control and monitor her every move.

Men who control women this way want to own them because it makes them feel powerful and numbs their inadequacy.

You see it in people who just “happen” to be in your vicinity all the time. You’re at the supermarket, and suddenly he appears! You’re at a concert, and guess who randomly bumps into you?

Yup. The creep.

Please do not be fooled.

These random acts are not innocent. Not by a long shot. Usually, they’re well-orchestrated.

…

They love controlling you but have zero acceptance of your opinion.

Every time Jade told Malcolm she didn’t like how he spoke to her, he turned it around and said she made him do it.

Rather than take responsibility for his actions, he always pinned his reaction on her and played the victim.

Men who trap women not only disregard boundaries but also hate being told what to do. They see it as a form of control, and this is why they fight back.

The people who love controlling others are the same ones who have zero acceptance of any feedback.

Human beings are weird.

…

When they realize their victim is done with them, they do this:

One day, he found a text Jade had sent her mother explaining her plan to leave him.

Any normal man would have been remorseful and begged her to stay.

Not Malcolm.

He became furious beyond belief.

He wanted to be in control so badly that when he found out about her plan, he resorted to violence to break the relationship so that it could appear as if he had left her and not the other way around.

Violence was the only way he knew to break the emotional ties to Jade.

Here’s what you need to understand about a man who traps a woman in a relationship.

He can’t accept rejection even when he himself initiates the breakdown. He finds it very hard to detach from his victim, and even when he does, he becomes vindictive and makes sure to “leave a mark.”

You’ve probably heard things he says, like,

“If I can’t have you, no one else can.”

…

Photo by Jo-Anne McArthur on Unsplash

They always have a “pity-me” back story they use to manipulate their victims.

Each time I hear of a man who abused a woman, there’s always a layer of some weak-ass story that attempts to excuse his behavior.

I was bullied in school because I was fat. (This one is classic. Insert eye roll emoji)

My dad left when I was six and I was ruined forever.

We moved a lot, and I became socially awkward later in life.

These are just dumb excuses to absolve themselves from their actions—a mask they use to shield them from their skeletons.

Abandonment or trauma doesn’t give anyone the right to hound and terrorize women or anyone else.

…

In March last year, Malcolm breathed his last. Covid — related complications, they said.

He was an anti-vaxxer. ‘Nuff said.

We’re all breathing a sigh of relief for Jade, who can finally stop running from that tornado of a man.

We’re all breathing a sigh of relief for Jade, who can finally stop running from that tornado of a man.

It broke my heart to see this rose slowly dying on a vine when she was still with him. Needless to say, his mean games of emotional chess eventually led to their marriage’s breakdown.

If there’s something experience teaches you, it’s that toxic people can break your heart or break your spirit.

The latter is the worst as it hits you harder and shifts your identity.

That’s why it takes a long, long time to heal.

Men like the late Malcolm — and all his likes, still setting footprints on this planet — are to watch out for.

I don’t care whether they’re “IT.” I’ve seen firsthand the havoc they cause, and it ain’t pretty at all

If you even catch a glimpse of any of these red flags, run for the hills, my friend.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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